Headed down the short road?

There has been a flurry of activity here lately. Visitors, activities and changes have invaded our calm little preemie world - that rarely feels preemie anymore. 

Tabitha can walk, she's taken loads of steps, cruises between people and furniture but for the most part continues to use crawling as her default. 

Jackson can't see what all the fuss is about and is mastering standing. He's still a bit smaller than Tabitha and such a compact little grape tomato. 

On the downside both tomatoes are fully established screamers. I take no credit for this whatsoever. Roger and Sara are the encourages, rewarders and purveyors of all things scream. Never have any of my kids (or babies) been screamers, ever. It is one of my least favorite things only beaten by biters.

Oh, have I mentioned? Jackson is a biter! Oh yes! Thanks to Roger, not me, not Sara, Roger is fully responsible for this wonderful new side of Jackson - Jacko the Biter. Of course poor Tabitha gets the worst of it because she doesn't even see it coming. Roger lets him do it so when Roger isn't around Tabitha has become his object of choice.

But you know how these things go, they come in threes. Double screaming and extreme biting are being followed by sibling aggression - which is gaining popularity quickly! By the end of the month this may become our favorite activity, punctuated with screams and biting of course as they never go out of fashion.

I can't say whether my job here is headed down a very short road, because I am a person who enjoys a good challenge. But I must be honest, the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times. One of the parents is going through a midlife crisis. They've quit their job and spend their days in and out, shopping and questioning every. little. thing. that. goes. on. To say it is exhausting would be an understatement. Having worked with so many families before this and only having biters in families with upheaval and inconsistency, once either Norah or I had left, I know that the road biting takes is a long and painful one. And the screaming. GOODNESS but the screaming. Roger and Sara encourage it. It annoys them and they encourage it, whether intentionally or not they know they are doing it. Yet it continues. 

The best part though?

These kids are SO smart. They get it. When Roger and Sara are out, when it's just me and them - they don't scream, they don't bite and we don't have trouble. But those times are becoming fewer and farther between. I'm a patient person but there is only so much one can take. There's only so much one should take. I may be reaching the end. I'm going to give it my best, but my time for parenting the parents was in the beginning, I shouldn't be expelling more energy on them then the kids at this point.

Making Baby Food

I love making baby food.

Choosing the food, 

making the grocery lists, 

organizing the supplies.

Cutting, cooking, tasting.

Keeping as much as possible. 

Knowing what's inside.

Putting the clean, 

fresh food into the food processor.

Cooking unripe fruits, vegetables, 

mixing everything together.

Seeing it go from big to small, 

untouched to ready for babies.

The entire set up, 

everything ready to be made for little mouths.

Putting everything in, attaching the lid, 

then pushing that little button.

And BAM! what was once a pear is now pear puree, 

nearly ready for little peanuts to eat.

Going from coarse to chunky.

Then from chunky to smooth in seconds.

Then freeze and organize, ahhh, choices.

I love making babyfood. 

When I first started making baby food I was excited but intimidated. What would I make? Would there be enough time? Could it really be as good as those tastey bites in the jars? Would the kids eat it? Was it better? Worse? How would it travel? 

The more I made, the better it was. I started with a blender then Clover bought me this awesome food processor, just like hers, for Christmas last year. I do it while the kids nap. Finding new combinations is the best part. 

There are loads of books out there. Super Babyfood was what I started with. But I love, Love LOVE Annabel Karmel. She comes up with the most random and yummy combinations. Her books are beautiful just to look through. And she's a mom. I also look at store brands, Ger6er, etc, for combination ideas. There are loads of websites out there and the possibilities are endless. Right now the tomatoes only eat about ten foods or so, but we've had at least twenty to thirty combinations. It's fun to make, we know what's inside, it costs so much less and having parents buy ingredients is a great transition. Going from formula to jars of food keeps parents from moving around the grocery store with baby in mind. They go to one aisle and done. Baby is compartmentalized. When I make a grocery list, introduce new foods and talk with parents, they begin thinking about foods and baby. Before long they make suggestions of their own and this proliferates itself when finger foods enter the picture. 

By dragging my feet just a little, parents get the opportunity to take initiative. This empowers them and involves them more in baby's development. It starts small, and grows out of control. I know I've done a good job when the parent thinks they no longer need me at all.

This sounds harsh, and when, in actuality, it happens, I feel frustrated and slighted. But consider the reverse.

A family of three is becoming a family of four. They invite Norah to come help when the new baby arrives. Planning to start her doctorate Norah asks if I can tag along. After a brief discussion both parents agree (I too was starting my doctorate this gave them two part timers). I'm not a conceited person, but Norah and I are amazing nannies. 

So here we are, new city, new family, new schools, the nicest mother you've ever met, an absolutely adorable two year old little boy and a father that just seemed to go with the flow (and travel a lot). Did I mention mom pampered us? 

It was awesome, we gave it our all. Mom ran around like a crazy person toting us with her while dad traveled. They never had to think about anything. Everything was done before they could let the tiniest part of the thought of it enter their minds. We all got along wonderfully. The kids were happy, we were happy, etc. 

Then, things started to happen.

Family would go on vacation, without us, why not? things were SO easy. And two year old would get hurt. They all got sick. Another vacation, again, things happening. Standing outside of the house, lil'dude falls and has to go to the emergency room.

We didn't know it at the time but we, Norah and I, were so helpful that mom and dad had just checked out. They never needed to think about the details, so they didn't. 

Things were off, but we couldn't put our fingers on it.

Then we went on vacation.

We were gone for a couple of weeks around Christmas. We had a great time and felt ready to go back to work. While we were gone though...

Apparently infant-girlie had been in bed and become so far buried under the down comforter that she couldn't breathe. When they found her she was blue. 

She was fine, but needless to say it was a wake up call. 

Things like this never happened when we were around but they were happening more and more when we weren't. Both having undergrad degrees in psychology we wondered if it could be Munchausen by Proxy. The type of accidents didn't seem to fit, but there was definitely something amiss.

Within a week we gave our notice and moved back to the East Coast. Not sure of the best course of action we kept in touch with the family and lived our lives. Within six weeks they were getting things back on track. No more random emergency room visits, less sickness, fewer accidents. And that's when we realized, we had been too helpful. Mom and dad were checked out and these accidents were caused because no one was paying attention. As soon as we were gone they had to get back in the game.

While we miss that beautiful city, we've never regretted our decision to leave. We still love the family and each of us has visited the other multiple times since our departure. All are well and we've remained close friends. I've intentionally left their names out of this because everyone makes mistakes and no one needs to be defined by them. You'll hear about them in regards to other things, but we'll not associate their names with this example. Suffice to say a nanny's job requires more than making the parents' lives easier. It is important to empower parents because they are the ones kids will spend their lives with, not the nanny.

Twelve soon.

Yep, peas day two. Just about as exciting as it sounds! Nothing really to tell today, both tomatoes are fine, napping on schedule and playing like, um, babies. Crazy isn't it? 

This week I've been thinking about Zander's older brother, Rowan. He was two and a half when I met him, very, very cute, traditional blonde, huge blue eyes and his signature toddler bowl cut. He had an amazing vocabulary but was extremely picky about who he let hear it, he could say almost any word and didn't hesitate to tell you he preferred his mother over every other person in the world. 

I can hardly believe that was me, ten years ago. It seems like a lifetime ago that he was demanding I go and mommy stay. Always. In those first days I can't count how many times he said, "No Samara. You no get me. Mommy get me." This phrase applied to everything, putting on his bib, wiping his hands, buckling his carseat, unbuckling, getting toys, taking baths, everything was punctuated with "You no get me." And his pacifier, it was always in the picture, ALWAYS.

It is so crazy to think that in a week he will be twelve. Twelve. He's about my height now, doesn't want anybody to do anything, and thick. It's very odd. All of the things I imagined for him, mainly that he'd be just like his peers, and he isn't. He's the image of his mother, overweight, lazy, addicted to the television, rude, self-centered and antisocial. He does play sports like his extremely active father and he watches them on tv, but he eats garbage in massive quantities and lounges in front of the television for hours upon hours. 

I think of all we did together, how he grew, what I saw in him. There were so many great adventures, experiences to make an impression, consistent, regular activities that I just can't understand this place he's in. That isn't true, I know modeling means so much more than everything I put in, but it's so hard to accept. 

You may be thinking I dislike Beckett, his mother, but that isn't true. I love her dearly, but I know that she makes unhealthy choices. Models unhealthy behavior and who wants to see a child unhealthy? Every choice I made during my years with Rowan was based on him having a healthy life, being a healthy and happy person. It's hard to see that he isn't. You may also be thinking that he's coming into his teen years and he's completely normal, maybe. But what if he picks up more of his mother's unhealthy choices? There's still hope in college. A lot can chnge, happen and develop then. I haven't given up on Rowan. I still love him very, very much and think about him regularly. For this next year, I wish him renewed health, happiness and individuality. 

Happy Birthday Rowan!

PEAS, day 1.

Yes! We tried peas today! Both Jackson and Tabitha seem to really enjoy them. I'd say that Jackson likes trying new things and Tabitha likes eating. Both were a little hesitant with pears and apples initially and love them now. Next week we'll find out about next foods, I'm looking forward to proteins and whole grains. I know I'm going to have to wait for both, but they'll be worth it!

PT and EI came today. Both tomatoes are progressing normally. Nothing to worry about, continue with floor time and work specifically on sitting with as little support as possible. Both interventionists acknowledged improvement but neither let on that they were impressed at all. They did acknowledge both Jackson and Tabitha are behind, but learning in the regular, expected order. This is good to know, but being 25 weekers, their development is ONLY delayed. That is AWESOME! Why not mention that? They'll come back again, next month, no need for anyone new to come just continue on.

I am very proud of Jackson and Tabitha as well as Roger and Sara. I think they are all doing an amazing job rolling with the punches, developing themselves and growing like crazy. Too bad I'm just the nanny and people expect me to say that, little do they realize how high my standards and expectations are and what a compliment it really is!

Drama Summarized

It's surprising to me that so early into the new year there are folks out there looking to start trouble. But it is a year, just like last year and folks will do what they do. Because of one or two women there has been a change in my blog. I've removed all of the photos, two unbelievably cute babies made them very uncomfortable. I'll still have these photos online so if you are a regular reader just drop me an email and I'll let you know where to find them (per Norah's suggestion, thank you Norah, you are right, most people really enjoy the daily photos with their updates).

Different perspectives are appreciated; disrespect, threats and hostility are not. While my opinions may not be the same as yours, when I disagree with Roger and Sara my blog gives me an opportunity to collect my thoughts, step outside of my emotions and review the situation(Aha!). So if my thoughts seem frustrated at times or emotion-laden and hastily collected this blog is not the extent of my expression. My blog is in no way a secret, hateful critique of Roger and Sara that I use to mask my actual feelings. I talk with them about each and every issue that arises and we each trust one another completely. Our relationship is built on honesty the same way I've built this blog. It is possible this honesty makes some uncomfortable, the reader may have felt personally critiqued by my use of general terms. The use of these general terms and nicknames may have also portrayed a feeling of secrecy and collusion. Neither of which I could have predicted nor expected. Shattering these feelings and aiding in separation, I've replaced my general terms with specific names.

Whether or not it has come across I've really appreciated this bit of excitement on my blog. It has increased my daily viewers, something I couldn't figure out how to do, opened different perspectives and given me the opportunity to read through my old posts, make connections, tie up lose ends and increase my dedication to this endeavor. Oddly enough it has also brought in more than a few job offers from other preemie parents. So thank you Aimee (at bad mummy dot com, interesting perspective of self) and Bree, you've really started something great here for me!

Roll While You Play! She can do it alll day...

Just roll while you play
Push up that tummy and turn like it's funny to roll far and wide
Just roll over now
Just do your best and take a rest and roll to on your side

When there's too much to do
Don't let it bother you, forget your troubles,
Try to be just like a cheerful chick-a-dee

And roll while you play
Come on get smart, gear up and start
To roll while you play

You guessed it! Tabitha rolled over today for Roger and Sara! They said she rolled and rolled and rolled (in between rolls they turned her back to her tummy so each time was from tummy to back over her left shoulder)! Hooray for Tabitha!

(yes, her song is shorter than Jackson's was, but it took more work and I haven't actually seen her do it yet so I'm singing off of Roger and Sara's excitement rather than my own this time!)

Walking & Talking

It was beautiful here today, all the way in the mid-forties! We had to get out for a walk! Despite Jackson's lack of nap and the amazing tummy-time that was occurring I hauled both of them downstairs, folded them into their coats, grabbed their hats and my coat, and headed outside. Mr Sleepy protested his hat venomously. He wanted me to get the stroller in motion and continue until he'd had his fill of stroller sleep. With warm ears we all enjoyed our walk.

Aside from the weather today's best news focused on laughter. This evening, instead of our regular sling-nap, I was helping an evening babysitter get them to bed and didn't see keeping them up late for her, for their parents is fine, but for a babysitter? nope. As I was saying, this evening I was playing with them, talking, reading, just enjoying some social time together, and I had them both laughing! They don't really laugh much, chuckle and smile but not laugh, unless you tickle them. Then on the rare occasion they have each giggled. But tonight, without ticking or actually touching them, I had them each laughing! It was AWESOME!

In less exciting news, I talked with Roger and Sara about Mondays and Tuesdays. It wasn't a planned thing and I didn't expect to do so. But when I arrived and Tabitha was having a terrible time getting back to sleep I just couldn't help myself. Par for the course, Sara was attentive and open to my suggestions. Roger was defensive and tried to convince me that they need less sleep and maybe they aren't sleeping because they aren't tired. Not long into the conversation he excused himself to get ready for work. I explained to Sara that this is as east as it gets for setting routines and expectations. They sleep through the night and can't really do anything yet. No rolling over. No pulling up. No words. Offering that I'm cognizant of how hard it is to hear them fuss and/or cry and that it must be 100x harder as their parents. But letting her know that in a few months typical cries can turn into pleading with specific names or titles. It will get so much tougher.

She mulled this over, paraphrased what I was getting at and asked,
"It gets harder if we don't figure this out. But if we can figure it out, it will get easier?"
She was so hopeful. And right on target.
"Absolutely."
It can and will get easier, if we can be consistent and show them what we expect, enjoy and love.

Cranky.

Cranky. I am terribly cranky today. Mondays and Tuesdays are the most exhausting days of my week. They are spent starting over, yes, every.single.week. We just start over. It is so frustrating that 48 hours can usurp what I spend an entire week putting into homeostasis. I'm not working for dumb people. We have good conversations and when they are rational they completely agree with me. But then the weekends come or one of the babies fusses and their rationale dissipates. Where does it go? can their brains literally just deactivate?

These tomatoes came home from the hospital knowing how to eat and sleep. Now suddenly, at six months, they can't do either?

But wait! They can eat, if you hold them at the perfect angle, doing just the right motion using both of your hands, cooing, breathing at the perfect speed and giving it to them at just that perfect second of that one minute when they want it the most. You can't do that?! What's wrong with you? Aren't you a good nanny? This is what they NEED.

Can you imagine what that looks like for sleep? And Roger says they can't be overtired, they sleep all of the time. Yet whenever Monday comes they expect at least ten soothings during each sleep period. Seems like they are getting some seriously deep sleep on the weekends, they two opportunities they do get (opposed to four or five).

And here we are again. Starting over. Yes Tabitha, you can sleep. Roger and Sara said you slept the same time period over the weekend. Yet here you are yelling. You NEVER yell for them. And Jackson, you can't eat? It's the same formula, the same time, the same temperature, the same bibs, feeding location and you are hungry. But you just can't eat? Wow. It's just amazing how Mondays and Tuesdays ALWAYS mean lots of cranky, cranky people.

Listen. I know parenting is hard. I know this. I know that being a parent is completely different from being a nanny. Without question. And there's no instruction manual. But if you had someone you could ask for advice, someone you trusted, someone who had taken care of, say 55 children before yours, and she actually did what she was suggesting you do, wouldn't you listen to her? Honestly people, I go out of my way to make their lives as parents easier every day. They get an extra nap, that I hold them during, just because their parents want them to stay up later so they can have playtime every evening. And I do it, every evening. And I feed them, extra well so that if Jackson refuses to eat two bottles a day because they'd rather snuggle him than feed him, he'll still be gaining enough weight for his brain to grow. I make every bottle, wash every article of clothing, sheets, towels, set the schedule, follow the schedule, offer gentle suggestions and positive reinforcement, yet still, Mondays and Tuesdays happen. Every.single.week.we.start.over.

Friday's Big News

Nearly forgot the main reason why I didn't post on Friday...
Imagine a photo of two tired faces... Sweet lil'Tabitha thought it would be fun to wake up everyone in the house for a late night party. She started the festivities at 2am and kept everyone busy until 6am when she ate her am bottle and went back to sleep.

Everyone was exhausted when I arrived and the day's naps were exhausting because both babies were so overtired.

I'm not sure how this played out over the weekend, but I'll keep you posted.

Bad, bad nanny

I didn't post on Friday, I'm using a picture from Friday, December 7th and dating this post for Friday too. I'm a bad, bad nanny. I didn't make time to blog on Friday. I made time for laundry, formula, bottles, feedings, family interactions, baby-play, a walk, music, a few photos, getting paid, recapping for Roger and Sara then again for my wife, but I didn't make any time to blog. I apologize. I do think of it as one of my daily responsibilities and it is very rewarding to see folks actually visiting. It was especially rewarding to see my photos viewed so many times as I enjoy photography so much more than writing.

It was a good week. Auntie Laverne and Auntie Shirley really enjoyed their visit, the tomatoes and being here. And it snowed!

After our big debate about going outside that was followed up with strict rules surrounding taking the babies outside, including keeping outside time to a maximum of fifteen minutes, I haven't been out with the babies. It's just not worth it. To set up the stroller, put on their warm clothes, snowsuits, hats, dress myself, carry them down the stairs, lower the stroller with them in it down the outside unsalted stairs takes at least fifteen minutes. Add that same fifteen minutes for coming back in and you have a walk that takes longer to orchestrate than actually enjoy. And with all of that add Roger's drama about my freezing his children, which can come on unexpectedly, and I'm out of the game.

But I felt tough and went for it on Friday. Ten entire minutes outside. Wow. I'll just stop there, cause, wow.

Overripe Tomatoes

The tomatoes are feeling rough today. They had a long night and each hit temps over 101 degrees. They are sleepy, full and working on lowering their fevers. Jackson is down to 99, great because he hit 100 before Tabitha yesterday and Tabitha is closing in on 100. They've both had Tylen0l and hopefully sleep well.

Until this morning they were both eating well and taking regular naps, despite the temperatures and shot soreness. Then Jackson decided he was too tired to eat and only took 120mL for breakfast. I hope he wakes hungry and eats a better lunch. Five shots is a lot for any baby to handle. One of their shots was for flu prevention. It is likely the one causing so much trouble. A baby has to have two flu shots the first time, 30 days apart. They won't give a baby under six months old the flu shot. While my kiddies are [just] six months old [actual] they are a lot younger than most six month olds because they missed three months. I'm not sure their little bodies are handling it very well. When we first met with the pediatrician he said he wasn't sure they should have it at six months. I was surprised when he scheduled it for yesterday.

Six Month Pediatrician Visit

Charts!! I made charts because Jackson and Tabitha are doing so well! The dark line that archs across most percentile charts is the 50th percentile. Tabitha is just above it and Jackson is just below.

Jackson and Tabitha had their 6 month well-baby visits this morning. They did great jobs according toRoger and Sara. Jackson was Mr Smiles and Tabitha really enjoyed the glucose her pediatrician shared, lucky Tabitha. They have both grown and each had five shots!! Those poor little thighs!

Above are their weight for length charts based on US babies under three years. We could look at age to weight, age to length, etc, but none o it matters because they were three months early. Thus we're comparing their weight to height ratios. I'll try to pull up a comparison to other kids their age or you can just go here.

Now, specifics; both babies are six months old,
Tabitha is 24 3/4" long & 14lb 10oz.
She gained 13oz in two weeks and grew 3/4" in one month.
Jackson is 24 1/4" long & 12lb 14oz.
He gained 14oz in two weeks and grew 1 1/4" in one month.

28November2007

Today has been a tad exhausting, but good. Jackson and Tabitha are really improving their strength, stamina and enjoyment of/during tummy time. It is very exciting and makes me proud of our effort.

Jackson's eating has really improved for me. Today's bottles were 220mL and 210mL! We still have snack to go, but I'm feeling good about it. And Tabitha seems to have found a balance. She isn't just eating everything she's offered which I think is very good.

Tomorrow morning they are off to be weighed, checked out and vaccinated. Lucky little tomatoes, I hope it isn't too bad.

I'll post tomorrow and let you know about weights, lengths and everything.

Back to Work

Today I'm back to work after a lovely Thanksgiving vacation. It was such a lovely weekend I wasn't sure I wanted to return to work this morning. We had family to our house, saw Irving Berlin's White Christmas, went to church, made our Advent wreath and bought our Christmas tree. Really, really great weekend.

On Friday the GI told Roger and Sara to putJackson on pr.losec 2xday, no more Z@nt@c, and myl@nt@ the bottles that he isn't having pr.losec. They are going back for a follow up next week. This week they'll visit the pediatrician for more shots.

Had the talk this morning with Roger and Sara. They'd finally talked about winter between the two of them and were ready to talk about their ideas with me. Silly, silly conversation, as if I've never taken care of a baby in the New England cold before. Hello! I've been doing it for nearly seven years whereas they've lived here for almost four?! So exhausting! We're on a trial period until Christmas and then we'll see how things are going again.

Tomatoes are hungry - later!

EI & GI

Yesterday we had our first snow of the season. It was dense and beautiful. Sadly it turned to rainy-slush later and we had absolutely no accumulation. I'm hoping for loads of beautiful, dry snow this season. I love it's beautiful white winterness and the way it blankets the city. When it's really packed in and you have to drive very slow I love how it feels like we're all driving on carpet. It's as if we're closer to one-another, sharing this weird inside-like driving experience.

Because it was the tomatoes first ever snow experience I tried to show them what it looked like coming down through the window. Later, while they napped, I made paper snowflakes and we had a photoshoot in the afternoon. Not too bad for a first attempt.

In real news, EI (Early Intervention) came this morning. Our regular gal brought a physical therapist with her to evaluate the babies. Tabitha does this back arch thing that was a bit concerning. She's also strongly against tummy time and trails behind her brother in the gross motor department. PT (Physical Therapist) said that Tabitha looks great. She isn't in the same place as Jackson but there's no need to worry. She's developing along a normal continuum and doing great. She needs more opportunities to play on the floor and as much tummy time as we can give her. We'd started using the jumpy as another form of core conditioning. I thought it could give them a place to work on their core muscles that was different from the floor. But the PT says we should wait because it puts weight on their hips before they are ready for it. So it's floor, floor, floor from here on out!

We talked about specifics, this helps me get an idea. Right now we are doing three minutes of tummy time at least once a day. PT says we should make putting them down on their tummies our default. If they need to turn over, fine, but ALWAYS start on tummy. And I should aim for three 3min tummy time sessions each day. Working up to longer than three minutes as soon as possible. Okay! We can do this! Being on their backs on the floor is helpful as well. So bye-bye babyholders!

As far as feeding is concerned, Jackson is off with Roger and Sara at the GI specialist right now. I'll know more when they return. But the behavioral side, from my perspective, is improving. Yesterday he finished all three bottles I offered him. One was actually offered by Norah and even though it wasn't me, he had no trouble at all. He seems to be doing well for me and okay for Roger and Sara. I'm assuming the GI will put him on another medicine because he won't find anything. So far he's only on Z@nt@c, it is the first course of action for babies with reflux. It also has the least side effects. I think the next step is to add pr.losec, I think. This is stronger and could possibly effect his development. We'll see how it goes. Last time he was in to the GI, a different one, they did an ultrasound and lots of tests. At least they'll have a baseline for comparison.

We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house tomorrow and I'm off Friday. You'll have to wait until Monday for the GI outcome unless I get some bonus free time this afternoon. I'm not imaging that I will because Jackson is going to come home exhausted, with Roger and Sara here he'll need lots of extra help to get any sleep at all once he's home. And I don't think he finished this bottle for them so add hunger and frustration and you've got one busy Samara! Roger and Sara also planned to revisit this going outside in the winter discussion so posting today seems very, very unlikely.

Why am I a nanny?

Nannying is something I generally enjoy. I love babies and children. Working with parents can be challenging. Keeping busy, time management, daytime flexibility, independent thought, guidence, direction, getting a lot done in a short period, these are all enjoyable for me and things my job includes on a daily basis. It also includes meltdowns, making formula and changing dirty diapers. The good with the bad I really, really like being a nanny. I have been doing this for nearly a decade, I have met wonderful people and learned something from nearly every family I've worked with. During this decade there have been ups and downs and more than sixty children between Noarh and me. Of those sixty we had a dozen in our wedding two years ago, that was one of the major highs of being a nanny. Leaving a position because mom had gotten so used to my being there that when I was gone the baby nearly suffocated was one of the extreme lows.

In every position there are good days and bad days. This is true with life. Not every day can be fun, easy and great. But it seems that with my current position I'm having more bad days, with Roger and Sara, than good. I'm wondering if this is a good fit. I find it very frustrating to be questioned at every turn, on the other hand I'm glad to see involved parents that think about what is going on with their children. Generally, I'm a tolerant and patient person. I've been very flexible with my ideas and willing to try theirs, despite their lack of experience, knowledge or forethought. In the end my ideas are the ones that work, but with each new situation comes this compromise period that is exhausting me on a regular basis it seems.

Today I feel like a teapot that just needs to whistle incessantly. I'm so frustrated.
I live in New England. It is November. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that it is probably cold outside. And likely going to get colder. It is only November. Traditionally November gets chilly but January, February and March are cold. It is 35 degrees outside. Chilly but not freezing. I was outside for forty minutes this morning for my commute.
Roger and Sara come from a warm climate. They have been here for four years. They know it gets cold here, their house it a bit ovenlike. Fine. I adapt. I had them buy nice warm fleece snowsuits for the tomatoes. They have hats and bundle-me's. So when Roger calls because he has been outside for ten minutes to say,
"Don't take the tomatoes out today."
My response is less than positive.*
*How about a little background here. These tomatoes are little, almost three months adjusted or actually almost six months. They enjoy their sleep and get cranky whe they don't get enough. During the day they can generally handle 1-1.5 hour awake times. While they can snooze in their stroller for 20 minutes they generally don't sleep longer than that in it. In the car they complain, not sleep. An average day they take three naps, #1:1.5-3hrs, #2: 2-3hrs, #3: 45m-1.5hrs. Yesterday Roger and Sara took them out for six hours! They broke it up; car, stroller, car, store. Maybe Jackson and Tabitha slept two hours total. Maybe. Meaning today they are going to be tired, cranky and have very low tolerance. Being here for ten hours I need the option to get out of the house. I say,
"Roger, that makes me very uncomfortable."
"I don't understand your response. I said don't take them out. That's it. End of story."
"Bye Roger."

It isn't as if I decided this summer, hey I think I'll try being a nanny. I have a brain, I make good decisions and my judgement is pretty sound. Micro-managing me is the last thing I want from Roger and Sara and I'm feeling very, very frustrated this morning.

TGIF

Synergis shots went fine this morning. Sadly Jackson has not gained any weight. Luckily he hasn't lost any either. According to the doctor [idiot] this can't possibly be behavioral and they need to take him to a GI doctor, again. He's been before and had lots of tests, x-rays and the works with no reported problems. It doesn't make sense that it can't possibly be behavioral yet it is worse depending on the feeder.

I think the doctor wanted to make Roger and Sara feel better. His job is more than measuring and weighing and giving kids shots, it's reassuring parents and helping them feel effective and nurtured when they need it. I took his remark personally and I shouldn't have. Because I did I found loads of studies, research and findings to support my opinion. I'm validated but I don't need to tell Roger and Sara, we'll get through this as we've gotten through each thing in the past.

Prematurity Awareness Month

November is Prematurity Awareness Month, the time of year when the March of Dimes brings special attention to the fight against premature births and other serious threats to infant health. Prematurity is the number one killer of newborns.

My tomatoes were especially premature and especially lucky. Most babies born as early as Jackson and Tabitha lead different lives, not lesser lives, different. They are just as special as the tomatoes and possibly more amazing. Here are a couple of my favorite preemies to watch grow and develop, aren't they most darling girls? And their parents are tough and adorable - a winning combination!

I blog to share with people my experiences as a nanny, not to represent preemies everywhere. All babies, families and situations are different. I blogged about Prematurity Awareness for that reason - to raise awareness.

LateNight and SnuggleNaps

Yesterday was a VERY long day.
It started with such possibility. The tomatoes slept until 10:45am, when I finally woke them. I seriously hate waking anyone, especially babies, I think sleep is so important. But they needed to wake up with enough hours left in the day to fit four more bottles in.

Jackson, with his feeding frustrations, does best when the bottles are evenly spaced. But with waking up so late they ate later, this put their next two bottles pretty close together. Let's add Sara being there hovering to take in every aspect of how I feed Jackson (she just wants it to get better and if she can learn something that might work, she's willing to put in the effort), both Jackson and Tabitha being exhausted because after sleeping in so late their morning nap was tiny equals Jackson's tolerance being very low and him eating a bit less than usual. But pretty good.

Then the housekeepers came late. Sara was home to take a nap and we were pretty much shoved out the door to take a walk. I'm not complaining about the walk, I LOVE walking. Our location lends to visual interest and diversity. But my babies were tired before we started. They snoozed on the walk but nothing more than a fifteen minute stretch each. By the time our evening snuggle-nap* rolled around they were toast!

Exhaustion and feeding Jackson do not mix. Given the choice this tomoato would choose sleep over food in a heartbeat. So his evening bottle, with Roger and Sara both hovering over my every breath (what can I say? They are trying.), didn't go as well as I would have liked. An ideal bottle for Jackson is 200mL/cc. In the evening he takes between 30-60mL/cc for Roger and Sara. Last night for me he took around 160mL/cc. So he did alright. I wish I could say that I'm steadfast and what I do always works, but I'm can't. I do my best and sometimes it's just not as good as I'd like.

I believe in sleep and encourage it like crazy, but babies need to eat. Jackson needs to eat. Tomorrow Jackson and Tabitha go to get their 1st RSV shots. They will weigh them and as long as Jackson is growing we don't need to worry.

*Snuggle-nap; evenings are tough for many babies. Some call this period the 'witching hour' and it generally falls between 4-9pm. No matter what they do during the day my babies are tired around 4:30pm but have a tough time falling asleep. Because Roger and Sara won't regularly put them to bed in the evening we cannot establish a catnap. Our compromise/balance for this is a sling-nap when I'm there and when Roger and Sara are home one holds Jackson while he naps and they let Tabitha fall asleep in the swing for a short nap. I put on the sling, add one baby at a time then rock in the rocking chair for 30 minutes to an hour. Ideally they both sleep, if not they benefit from the body contact, being close to each other, navigating tight space with their twin and calm relaxation. On really great days they both fall asleep early on and as I rock I doze with them. But it is just as nice when one of them just looks around and touches the other during sleep. There's no crying during this time and we all enjoy the snuggle.

Early to Bed

Tonight I'm staying late so that Roger and Sara can meet with some like-minded folks and do some filming. In preparation for my long day today I planned to get to bed early last night, really early. Norah and I rushed home and immediately started dinner.
As we were finishing I received a call from Roger, Jackson was refusing to eat again.
Sara was exhausted from trying.
Jackson and Tabitha were already in bed.
Roger's reason for calling was to see if anything, anything was different during Jackson's feeds during the day.
As I had told him before I left his house an hour earlier, Jackson had a great day. Ate wonderfully. He possibly had an even better time eating than previously. I didn't know what the problem was.
Roger continued, pushed, rephrased the same question, asked multiple times.
I repeated myself, tried to remain calm and not push, although he was pushing like crazy.
Finally, I told him that although I couldn't offer any insight into Jackson's feed, I suggested they not start the 9pm feeding cycle again. If Jackson didn't want to eat, then don't keep offering him food all night.
Of course this frustrated Roger and he basically said that they'd feed him if he wanted to eat.
I told him that if Jackson thinks he can make it until the next feed why would he invest himself in this bottle?
Roger tells me, for the second time in a month,
"Samara, I don't believe Jackson 'thinks' about anything. He's smart but not that smart."
Norah reminds me to breathe.
I star again,
"Roger, you can choose what you'd like to do, I'm not telling you that you need to starve Jackson. But I think this is behavioral and feeding him again tonight will encourage him t repeat this routine tomorrow night."
"Samara, I doubt this is behavioral. You and I both know all those behavioral ideas are good in theory but when it comes down to it we need to follow our baby."
"We do follow the babies. When Tabitha needs to eat, we feed her. We adjust what we offer them, but I believe it IS behavioral because he doesn't do it during the day. You've given him the option to eat, now let him sleep."
"I know he doesn't do it during the day. That suggests we are doing something wrong..."

Okay, stop. This was where I reassured him, told him that didn't have to be the case and that it could be a habit they've all formed together. Parents have such a tough time, there is so much uncertaintity and doubt. It is not my job to add to this. I want to guide them and build their confidence. Parenting isn't easy and I never lie to my parents, but telling them they are the problem, true or not, when they are feeling terrible, out of control and like they are losing hope, Never helped anyone. I will continue to encourage them in the direction that I know works. they will continue to hear my perspective and choose. In this we will find a balance that best benefits these babies.

After all of this Jackson decided to sleep all night. Roger and Sara would have rested and started over today but Miss Tabitha decided 1am was playtime. She, Roger and Sara were up until 4am. I'm not sure what all of this is about but my gut tells me both Jackson and Tabitha are very smart and they are testing Roger and Sara. We'll see how this all plays out. Tonight I'm putting them to bed.