Cranky.

Cranky. I am terribly cranky today. Mondays and Tuesdays are the most exhausting days of my week. They are spent starting over, yes, every.single.week. We just start over. It is so frustrating that 48 hours can usurp what I spend an entire week putting into homeostasis. I'm not working for dumb people. We have good conversations and when they are rational they completely agree with me. But then the weekends come or one of the babies fusses and their rationale dissipates. Where does it go? can their brains literally just deactivate?

These tomatoes came home from the hospital knowing how to eat and sleep. Now suddenly, at six months, they can't do either?

But wait! They can eat, if you hold them at the perfect angle, doing just the right motion using both of your hands, cooing, breathing at the perfect speed and giving it to them at just that perfect second of that one minute when they want it the most. You can't do that?! What's wrong with you? Aren't you a good nanny? This is what they NEED.

Can you imagine what that looks like for sleep? And Roger says they can't be overtired, they sleep all of the time. Yet whenever Monday comes they expect at least ten soothings during each sleep period. Seems like they are getting some seriously deep sleep on the weekends, they two opportunities they do get (opposed to four or five).

And here we are again. Starting over. Yes Tabitha, you can sleep. Roger and Sara said you slept the same time period over the weekend. Yet here you are yelling. You NEVER yell for them. And Jackson, you can't eat? It's the same formula, the same time, the same temperature, the same bibs, feeding location and you are hungry. But you just can't eat? Wow. It's just amazing how Mondays and Tuesdays ALWAYS mean lots of cranky, cranky people.

Listen. I know parenting is hard. I know this. I know that being a parent is completely different from being a nanny. Without question. And there's no instruction manual. But if you had someone you could ask for advice, someone you trusted, someone who had taken care of, say 55 children before yours, and she actually did what she was suggesting you do, wouldn't you listen to her? Honestly people, I go out of my way to make their lives as parents easier every day. They get an extra nap, that I hold them during, just because their parents want them to stay up later so they can have playtime every evening. And I do it, every evening. And I feed them, extra well so that if Jackson refuses to eat two bottles a day because they'd rather snuggle him than feed him, he'll still be gaining enough weight for his brain to grow. I make every bottle, wash every article of clothing, sheets, towels, set the schedule, follow the schedule, offer gentle suggestions and positive reinforcement, yet still, Mondays and Tuesdays happen. Every.single.week.we.start.over.