Saturday, May 10, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Start As You Mean To Go On. . . UPDATE
I am pleased to report that before I left work on Wednesday I talked with Roger and Sara about my concerns. Sara stated simply that they are only human and there's only so much they can do which of course made me feel totally guilty. They are great parents and really doing an amazing job every. single. day. And I'm proud of them.
I also know that my standards are very, very high and meeting them isn't something I expect of most people. It's not because I want others to disappoint me that my standards are so high but if I can do it, why can't everyone, is kind of my thinking. But I doubt most people find the same things I find as important as I find them. I'm sure there are loads of reasons for this, my childhood probably one of the biggest.
I digress, this post was meant to update and focus on how thrilled and proud I felt to see Sara start dinner for everyone while Roger entertained both Tomatoes on Wednesday as I got ready to leave. Even if they can't do it every night, making the effort and realizing it is a big deal, is a great and wonderful step.
Side notes:
Roger's perspective focused on how many opportunities they'll have for family dinners, why rush. I had to be honest and tell him that before he realizes it they will be four years old and he'll not know where the time went. He wasn't bothered by this in any way. So I asked how long he thought they'd sit and listen to him and want to be at family dinners. He was sure they'd last until the tomatoes were at least sixty. Yes, I typed that correctly, 60 not 16. Funny following his conversation with me this morning about what one would do with their life if one found out they only had a month to live.
Sara's view centered on how they'd (she and Roger) had grown up having family dinners so she wasn't worried about never getting to them, of course they'd make them happen at some point. Of course as she said this Roger asked her what she was talking about. He'd never had family dinners growing up. And she went on to explain that her family dinners consisted of her mom calling her dad to dinner and him arriving about an hour later after they'd all finished.
It's my own little thing but I'm so happy believing that they all sat down to dinner Wednesday night together. [ And while it wasn't exciting or anything life altering, they did sit down together and enjoyed it as much as they could. The best part is now that they've done it once they know they can do it. ]
I also know that my standards are very, very high and meeting them isn't something I expect of most people. It's not because I want others to disappoint me that my standards are so high but if I can do it, why can't everyone, is kind of my thinking. But I doubt most people find the same things I find as important as I find them. I'm sure there are loads of reasons for this, my childhood probably one of the biggest.
I digress, this post was meant to update and focus on how thrilled and proud I felt to see Sara start dinner for everyone while Roger entertained both Tomatoes on Wednesday as I got ready to leave. Even if they can't do it every night, making the effort and realizing it is a big deal, is a great and wonderful step.
Side notes:
Roger's perspective focused on how many opportunities they'll have for family dinners, why rush. I had to be honest and tell him that before he realizes it they will be four years old and he'll not know where the time went. He wasn't bothered by this in any way. So I asked how long he thought they'd sit and listen to him and want to be at family dinners. He was sure they'd last until the tomatoes were at least sixty. Yes, I typed that correctly, 60 not 16. Funny following his conversation with me this morning about what one would do with their life if one found out they only had a month to live.
Sara's view centered on how they'd (she and Roger) had grown up having family dinners so she wasn't worried about never getting to them, of course they'd make them happen at some point. Of course as she said this Roger asked her what she was talking about. He'd never had family dinners growing up. And she went on to explain that her family dinners consisted of her mom calling her dad to dinner and him arriving about an hour later after they'd all finished.
It's my own little thing but I'm so happy believing that they all sat down to dinner Wednesday night together. [ And while it wasn't exciting or anything life altering, they did sit down together and enjoyed it as much as they could. The best part is now that they've done it once they know they can do it. ]
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Start As You Mean To Go On.
Said Family Dinner did not occur last night. Roger and sara did push bedtime to 7:45 pm. Crazy. Both babies, extremely overtired from lack of afternoon nap and late bedtime, woke at an earlier than usual 6:45 am. Of course there's only so much a little tomato can take and Jackson compensated with a longer than usual two hour nap this morning. Because he can't let me think he actually enjoys sleeping he's upstairs boycotting his afternoon nap as I type. Tabitha, exhausted because her morning nap ended an hour before Jackson's did, is sound asleep after a short period of crib play.
Roger and sara have starting brushing their teeth. Conveniently this coincides with Jackson's third tooth popping through up top (third total, first on top). We've begun the great journey to bottle weaning. So far we've been pretty unsuccessful. Neither tomato finds the sippy spout as pleasing as the nipple. Wait a bit longer you say. I hear you, but, getting used to the sippy spout isn't our only issue, just offering them the nipple doesn't make feeding any easier. We are transitioning folks and it's not pretty.
Actually I'm pretty hung up on this family dinner thing. They skipped it last night because the tomatoes were hungry. And what does that mean? It is Roger and Sara saying that preparing their food and the tomatoes food and sitting down together was too hard so they didn't even try. Forget all of Roger's tirades about doing what's best for the babies even when it's inconvenient for them, it isn't true. What they did last night was about them. It made things easier for them so they skipped it. but here's the deal - IT WILL ONLY GET HARDER. Not only will this set up expectations for Jackson and Tabitha, it will set up habits for Roger and Sara, breaking those habits and changing those expectations will be infinitely harder than creating the situation and expectations you are going for from the beginning. Start as you mean to go on.
Roger and sara have starting brushing their teeth. Conveniently this coincides with Jackson's third tooth popping through up top (third total, first on top). We've begun the great journey to bottle weaning. So far we've been pretty unsuccessful. Neither tomato finds the sippy spout as pleasing as the nipple. Wait a bit longer you say. I hear you, but, getting used to the sippy spout isn't our only issue, just offering them the nipple doesn't make feeding any easier. We are transitioning folks and it's not pretty.
Actually I'm pretty hung up on this family dinner thing. They skipped it last night because the tomatoes were hungry. And what does that mean? It is Roger and Sara saying that preparing their food and the tomatoes food and sitting down together was too hard so they didn't even try. Forget all of Roger's tirades about doing what's best for the babies even when it's inconvenient for them, it isn't true. What they did last night was about them. It made things easier for them so they skipped it. but here's the deal - IT WILL ONLY GET HARDER. Not only will this set up expectations for Jackson and Tabitha, it will set up habits for Roger and Sara, breaking those habits and changing those expectations will be infinitely harder than creating the situation and expectations you are going for from the beginning. Start as you mean to go on.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
210th post!
Tomatoes are doing well.
Jackson is having sleep issues that we are working on. He's waking in the night, not every night but 4 out of 7. He doesn't cry, just plays then goes back to sleep. The problem is, it's breaking his deep sleep and shortening his sleep cycles. This is shortening the amount of time his growth hormone releases or cutting it off almost entirely. Very bad news for our little Jacky. Luckily Sara is the one leading the crusade for better nighttime sleep. I'm very, very happy about this as many days I feel like the Sleep-Obsessor. She's been reading the Ferber book and thinks that he is in bed too long at night. I'm not sure that I agree with this theory but respect the work Ferber has done, one of my previous employers actually worked with Ferber for a few years in his sleep clinic, many of my previous parents have used his book as a guide to establishing consistent and healthy sleep habits, and I am willing to endorse Sara's suggestion based on Ferber's work for the greater good.
Our world it is a-changin'.
Starting this week bedtime will begin to move later. Ten continuous hours of sleep are better than twelve broken ones or two chunk of 5-6 hours. We will slowly move both tomatoes to an eight o'clock bedtime, from their current bedtime of 6:45-7:15 pm. In addition Sara and Roger will move the bedtime bottle earlier, something we've been talking about for awhile and they've been occasionally working on, giving Jackson his bottle before bath opposed to after. To make this entire transition easier and better for everyone we will begin FAMILY DINNERS.
Family dinners are an important part of childhood and family development. Taking time each day to sit together and socialize has an infinite amount of benefits, most of which are beyond what I can cover here. Sara, Roger and I have been talking about the benefits of family dinners since my interview before the babies left the NICU. Because they return from work later in the evening the exact date we began family dinners has been up in the air. With the institution of a later bedtime there is no reason not to begin immediately.
So, I'm giving up my desire to have a nice twelve hours in bed every night for the betterment of their family bonding, growth and better quality sleep, we hope. I don't do this lightly but Sara and I talked together and we both see the other's perspective and best needs of the tomatoes being at the forefront.
I have much more to tell, maybe later today or tomorrow.
Happy Tuesday bloggers and readers.
Jackson is having sleep issues that we are working on. He's waking in the night, not every night but 4 out of 7. He doesn't cry, just plays then goes back to sleep. The problem is, it's breaking his deep sleep and shortening his sleep cycles. This is shortening the amount of time his growth hormone releases or cutting it off almost entirely. Very bad news for our little Jacky. Luckily Sara is the one leading the crusade for better nighttime sleep. I'm very, very happy about this as many days I feel like the Sleep-Obsessor. She's been reading the Ferber book and thinks that he is in bed too long at night. I'm not sure that I agree with this theory but respect the work Ferber has done, one of my previous employers actually worked with Ferber for a few years in his sleep clinic, many of my previous parents have used his book as a guide to establishing consistent and healthy sleep habits, and I am willing to endorse Sara's suggestion based on Ferber's work for the greater good.
Our world it is a-changin'.
Starting this week bedtime will begin to move later. Ten continuous hours of sleep are better than twelve broken ones or two chunk of 5-6 hours. We will slowly move both tomatoes to an eight o'clock bedtime, from their current bedtime of 6:45-7:15 pm. In addition Sara and Roger will move the bedtime bottle earlier, something we've been talking about for awhile and they've been occasionally working on, giving Jackson his bottle before bath opposed to after. To make this entire transition easier and better for everyone we will begin FAMILY DINNERS.
Family dinners are an important part of childhood and family development. Taking time each day to sit together and socialize has an infinite amount of benefits, most of which are beyond what I can cover here. Sara, Roger and I have been talking about the benefits of family dinners since my interview before the babies left the NICU. Because they return from work later in the evening the exact date we began family dinners has been up in the air. With the institution of a later bedtime there is no reason not to begin immediately.
So, I'm giving up my desire to have a nice twelve hours in bed every night for the betterment of their family bonding, growth and better quality sleep, we hope. I don't do this lightly but Sara and I talked together and we both see the other's perspective and best needs of the tomatoes being at the forefront.
I have much more to tell, maybe later today or tomorrow.
Happy Tuesday bloggers and readers.
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