(WARNING:
extremely long post, maybe skip to the end, you'll get the gist.)
It's a new week and we're onto our new napping plan. Some of you might not enjoy this post so feel free to leave at any time.
If you give a mouse a cookie...
or
if you explain your expectations...
If you explain your expectations,
kids are going to listen.
When kids listen,
they understand more.
When kids understand more [of the expectations],
they'll know what you want.
When they understand, they'll practice.
Then they'll expect more from you to make sure they know what you want.
When they're sure they understand,
they'll want to practice some more.
They'll probably ask again what you want from them.
When they hear it again,
they'll want to try some more.
They'll start doing what you expect.
They might get carried away and start guessing what you want.
They may even act on these assumptions without your permission.
When you restate the expectations,
they'll probably want to practice again.
You'll have to be patient while they try each part again.
They'll try on the same shoes you showed them before and jump around a bit.
They'll probably ask you for clarification.
So you'll explain to them again what you expect,
and they'll start to practice.
When they've practiced themselves silly,
they'll get so excited to show you they understand.
They'll ask for an opportunity to show you.
They'll do exactly as you expect.
When they've succeeded once,
they'll want to do it again
with you encouraging them.
Then they'll want you to tell everyone.
Which means they'll be hearing again what you expect.
They'll file away what you say
and take time to consider it.
Considering what you expect
will remind them that
they love you.
So...
they'll ask you to explain [your expectations] again.
And chances are
if they ask you to explain again,
they're going to want to practice getting it right.
[When they know how to please you,
they generally will.]
Working with children in different capacities one of the biggest constants is noticing how much more they understand, at all ages, than people think they do. Little bits are smart!
When you run into a frustrating situation with a child, sometimes you can step back and see it from their perspective. If you can truly step back you might realize that you've never actually explained to them what you expect.
Example) When little Madison sees birds she bursts into tears. At home this may seem amusing, surprising, but funny. Without thinking you might laugh or smile. Madison takes this as positive reinforcement of her actions, i.e. see birds = cry.
Next time Madison sees the birds she begins screaming as if being tortured. This time you aren't at home and it isn't funny. You are at the museum and she's scaring the other children. You are embarassed because the birds are outside barely visable and the other parents are staring. Nobody knows Madison sees the birds. It's frustrating to see her screaming and carrying on over birds outside a glass window. You reprimand her. You both feel frustrated. She's confused, last time you encouraged this. Now you are angry? How could she have known?
Going home you let it go. The next day, before you leave the house, you get down to Madison's level. Calmly and slowly you say to Madison,
"Madison the birds aren't going to hurt you. We don't cry when we see the birds."
She looks at you. Thinks about what you said then goes about her world. Later, when you see the birds, she starts to cry and you remind her that we don't cry when we see the birds. She stops. Maybe she sticks close or holds your hand, but she doesn't cry.
This applies to our current napping situation. Meaning we aren't napping and Sara is ready to throw in the towel. But I'm sure if we just tell them what we expect and reinforce what we're looking for, they will get it and all will be well. Man, little tinies are so much easier than these big thinkers! all they want to do is explore their worlds and practice and be out there, but without sleep they won't reach their growth potential, brain potential or keep their nanny - cause I'll lose my mind!
