Measure a Life

Despite my lack of blogging, there is quite a bit on my mind.

Over the weekend we attended a memorial service because one of Norah's peers died last week from brain cancer. Sadly he left behind two small children and his loving wife. Being there was very good for us, we were able to grieve with friends and see that his wife is a rock. It is such a tough thing, cancer, long drawn out illness. It drains everyone in it's wake. And then it continues to go on and on. In the end it seems death is a relief both for the afflicted and the loved ones. But it has never felt that way to me.

When I was 12 my father had his first tumor removed. At 16 he had a colostomy and bid farewell to his pride, strength and manhood, as far as he was concerned. Then, when I was 17 and he was forty, my dad died. His battle with cancer was over and he had to fight no more. Everyone voiced how he'd never suffer again, and moved on. This month will bring his 12th death anniversary and I still have trouble being okay with the idea of saying, it's okay, we're okay, you can die now. But that is exactly what this wife told to her husband five hours before he died leaving her with their two small children.

And I know it is true. She will be okay. Their boys will be okay. And he wouldn't have been okay no matter how hard he fought to stay alive. But would I have been able to be THAT strong? I love my wife so much, how could I tell her to go? Just go.
I don't know if I could. I just don't know.

On the baby front things seems to be plugging along. The weekend brought grandmommie's flight home and Sara and Roger's move to returning to work. But Sara is having some trouble wrapping her brain around that one. She' taking it slow and feeling pulled in two directions. I'm not worried, there's no rush.

Tabitha is growing like crazy. I came to work on Monday she was a new baby. She's beautiful, like a cherub. She eats every 3+ hours during the day and every four hours at night. And she loves to sleep. Her bathroom habits could be better, she consistently has wet diapers but only dirties her diaper every other or every third day. We'll continue to keep an eye on that. She's still not really enjoying tummy-time unless it is an opportunity to sleep then she's all about it. When it is a workout, awake tummy-time, she lifts her head just enough to plant her face in the blanket and cry. We generally wait her out but it takes everything to make it longer than her - she's one determined little girl! Her core strength is improving so that she can hold herself up for 20 seconds or so while sitting on your lap with only a hand to steady her. We've also been working on sitting upright. Her lower half is extremely stiff, possibly normal but compared to her brother she's stiff, and she's getting a bit better. She isn't holding herself up at all but she's stopped fussing so much about being put into the sitting position.

Jackson is still battling with Reflux (GERD). We're continuing with the mildest medication possible and trying to improve things surrounding his feeds. Still burping every 20-30ml/cc we're keeping him more upright during feeds and trying the #2 nipples. He's still spitting and lately seems a bit more uncomfortable than usual. According to the pediatrician he was on a very low dose and today we increased the amount he was taking to three times as much. I hope it helps him, maybe decrease the burning in his throat. He eats on the same schedule as his sister during the day but during the night he is all about his sleep. He regularly goes seven hours between nighttime bottles and has just started doing a couple of eleven hour stretches! Not to worry as long as he continues to gain weight. Since he finishes every drop during the day it seems that they are getting about the same in total volume but a weigh in on Friday will assure us he is doing a good job. As far as physical development he's doing great. When we practice tummy time he does pretty well, meaning he can hold his head about 1/2 inch off of the floor and doesn't complain about it. But like his sister he thinks it is an excellent opportunity for a nap and usually falls asleep. Sitting practice is a bit easier with Jackson. He is rather relaxed and generally doesn't mind being put into a sitting position. Sometimes he can hold himself up enough that he only needs a hand to steady him. We'll keep practicing more each day and eventually we'll see the improvement.

That is all that I have for you right now. I'm still processing this new death and constantly thinking about how the wife must be feeling. He released his last breath while she held him. I can't even imagine what that must feel like.