February 11th...

It has been sixteen years since that miserable February 11th when I was twelve. Still I notice every year and think of him, that one boyfriend that really sticks out.

As an adolescent I was extremely naive and innocent. And I absolutely loved roller skating.  I felt completely relaxed and at home at the roller rink. There I was more social, tough to say because I was such a little social being anyway, and more confident than anywhere else in the world. I loved it. Loved skating forward, backward, twists, jumping, not jumps, just jumping, and music. Even now, those feelings come flooding back. Ahhh, to roller skate every Saturday night like in the old days. 

One such roller skating adventure included a large group of junior high kids. I'm not sure if they were all from my school or not but there were so many kids my age, opposed to other nights when it was a grab bag of kids from ten to seventeen and older. This night I went with my best friend Lola. After a bit of skating for the fun of skating I started to notice those around me. This of course means, I began checking out the opposite sex. Immediately I noticed this guy. Blonde hair, darker at the roots, thin, happy and the kindest blue eyes you've ever seen. I pointed him out to Lola and we agreed he was the cutest guy there. I'm sure he was there with a friend too, but I can't remember his friend being around. It was like in the movies.

Picture it. He's skating in a crowd but there's light around him so he's all you notice. That's how it felt for me the first time I saw Kingsley. I only saw him. And I could only think about him. And then I was skating with him. Holding hands. Couples skate. I don't remember asking him, I don't think Lola asked him for me, but I remember him skating over and offering his hand for the couples skate. I can picture the rink, a large oval, closed around the back left quadrant with three openings around the front. One in the top right quadrant, one in the bottom left quadrant and one in the bottom right where I took Kingsley's hand and began our laps around the rink.

This was magic. Twelve year old magic. I saw. I desired. I received. Perfection to my seventh grade self. 

We talked. I can't remember what we said. We went to the same school. He'd seen me before but never had the courage to talk to me before. He asked me out. With only a little hesitation I said yes. We were going out. Going out has different meanings to different people. For us this meant skating together, exclusively, talking on the phone, writing notes, holding hands in the halls, and planning after school get-togethers that never really promised follow through. We talked of kissing, but that never really happened. Maybe we were getting too close to kissing a few weeks later and that is why I broke up with him. Kingsley was my first boyfriend.

He was crushed and waited by my locker with notes; asking me out over and over. Finally after one especially thoughtful weekend I returned to school hoping he'd ask me again. I saw him during the day, but never mentioned it. Just waited. At the end of that day there was the note, requesting our getting back together. I was thrilled.

Planning to tell him in person the next day, Tuesday, I came to school and looked everywhere. I couldn't find him before school started, not unusual. Knowing I'd pass him in the hall before second hour I went to class. No luck again. Then it was time for second hour, gym. We were on the floor stretching when the loudspeaker came on. 

There had been an accident. Kingsley was gone. He'd been crossing the street, the previous evening, on his bike when the car going 45 mph had hit him. I couldn't believe it was real. He was twelve. Twelve year olds don't die, old people die. How could he be dead?! People get hit by cars all the time, they get hurt, they don't die.

There was a room if we wanted to go and talk or cry or just be around a group of Kingsley's friends. I went to class. 3rd hour, 4th hour, 5th hour and 6th hour. Then I rode the bus home, went to my room and cried. I stayed in there all day, night and the next day. That next evening was his funeral/memorial. My dad took my sister (step sister, one year older, went to the same school and must of filled my parents in on the situation, I know I never did) and me.

We went inside after some hesitancy from me. Moving to the coffin I looked inside, but it didn't look like Kingsley. He'd gotten a very different haircut over the weekend and it had been new on Monday.  Then we left, I wanted to leave. We went home and I cried and cried.

That Friday after school we had our Valentine's Day Dance. Lola and I went but I was still so sad. I can remember just standing there, watching other couples dancing. It was so sad. I was so sad.

Parents have a really tough job. They have to know when to step in and when to step back. In this situation my parents did a great job. I needed to cry until I couldn't cry anymore. 

February 11th. Wow. I can't believe it has been sixteen years. It was hard, but Kingsley's death prepared me for the next two deaths I had to experience, one two months later and the other three years later. 

Boston

Boston is beautiful. I love living in Boston. Honestly. I love the Public Garden, Faneuil Hall, the people, the feel, the Old State House, the weather. I love Boston. Today it is snowing in Boston and I keep thinking of all the gorgeous pictures I could be taking of Jackson and Tabitha if only they lived in Boston. It would beat this endless nap battle I'm sure. But, no Boston for us. Only the house, every day we get closer to the end of RSV season and past this most difficult part of my job. Stuck inside avoiding germs with babies who aren't mobile. Uggh. 

Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate each of your comments. 

Norah says; 

okay, so the question really is... what part does SHE not like? I'm sure I know what part you don't like... but you can only offer advice if there's part that she doesn't like... know what I mean?

My answer has come in the form of my day. A real post and solution rolled into one. 

We've had a horrible napping day today. Two 45ers, yep, do the math, that's four over tired naps. Today they tag-teamed the short, over-tired naps. I know I've said it before 

here, here and here. But it's worth mentioning again, babies that wake at 45 minutes are overtired. It's hard to believe, after today, good gravy, I know. They seem to have too much energy but it's that last ditch effort, the need to give it your all.

I guess a positive spin would be, the more of a fight they put up the more gumption, determination and endurance they possess. If I were a parent and my baby were putting me through the 45-minute-ringer that's what I'd tell myself. 

Anyhow, it has been a very long day. I wanted to go out for a walk after the first short-nap, but it was snowing. After the second one I knew they were so tired we'd all make each other crazy if we stayed in. Of course at this point I wanted to just wait it out, it was almost the end of my day, I'd remembered what I was wearing, light-summer-weight pants, big heavy boots and a tee shirt, and really didn't want to wrestle them into their snowsuits and the stroller.

But I am tough!

Tabitha cried continuously until she was in the stroller. That doesn't sound too bad, but from her bed to the stroller was awful! First a new diaper, then sweater, hat, mittens, snowsuit, down the stairs, dress Jackson, who was spitting up every three to seven seconds, diaper, sweater, mittens, hat, snowsuit, downstairs, (carrying them both together is such a workout now), my coat, hat and boots, down more stairs, set up stroller (remember Tabitha is crying and Jackson keeps needing his face [hat, snowsuit, mittens, etc] wiped), open bundle-mes, finally, insert Tabitha. Crying stops. Buckle Jackson, down more stairs, (man they are heavy!), my gloves on and we're walking. But I was freezing!

After a short walk we do it all in reverse, have a bottle [x2], burp and try the napping thing again. After a few protests both are sleeping and I'm using my few minutes of peace to eat m&ms and blog. Maybe I should breathe before we head into dinner, although after this nap we should be pretty relaxed for the last hour of my day. Then Roger and Sara will be new faces, arms and cuddles (not to mention evening the odds and giving them a 1:1 ratio) and new energy until Jackson and Tabitha get to go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.

Dilemma, looking for feedback

Today I'm having a dilemma. Generally I enjoy reading others' blogs. If I don't enjoy them on a regular basis, I don't read them anymore. Pretty simple and straight-forward system. I like it. It works for me. I'd say there are probably a dozen, or less, that I read regularly. Most folks don't post daily so this isn't a very big list. Any given day I may read up to five blog posts.

This morning one of my favorite blogs posted about their schedule. I LOVE hearing about parents schedules. It's like peaking into windows of houses with the lights on. Or looking through someone's photo album. It is a glimpse into their world.

The background looks like this; her baby, three months old, wakes after 45 minutes - each nap. She goes on to describe his inconsolability and eventual going back to sleep, always with her help.

Here's the dilemma;
⁃ she's not asking for help; she knows that this situation isn't ideal, she just wanted to share   what's going on with her any given day.

⁃ it's going to get harder; he's going to stop going back to sleep and she's expecting twins in a matter of weeks.

⁃ I'm concerned that when the new babies come, everyone will be miserable and IT'S.COMPLETELY.AVOIDABLE
⁃ anything she can do now to improve sleeping habits in her 3 month old and sleeping attitudes in her own mind with benefit her next two babies
⁃ she's a lesbian, I want to help her even more because she's a woman/new mom and I want to see she and her partner not only succeed but thrive and enjoy every minute
⁃ she's a mother and I'm not; this means that if I give unsolicited advice there's a 90% certainty she'll;

1. get annoyed and not hear a word
2. disregard my opinion because I'm not a mother myself
3. block me from reading her blog
4. or, worst of all, move further from healthy sleep habits than she is now

Should I just let it go like a good non-mother should? I'd email her if that were an option, but it isn't. I'm not looking to start some big sleep debate in the comment section of her blog, I'd just like to help. The part that's really eating at me is after she posted all of this, she summarized by saying "it sounds like [baby] sleeps a lot!!!"

Seriously, any feedback, 

constructive, 

would be greatly appreciated.

Reflux Theory.

Alright, I'm not going to make any friends with this post, but so far, despite any efforts on my part, I've made few friends with my opinions. This blog is not for anyone else. It is for me. To chronical my days, help me make better sense of my experiences and if it can help others BONUS. If it make you angry then it is your choice not to read it. 

Reflux.

Over the last five years I've encountered 500x more reflux than I did during my first five years of nannying. This makes sense as reflux cases are on the rise. There are literally more cases of reflux now than there were ten years ago. 

Right now, I'm taking care of twins, Jackson and Tabitha. Both born at 25 weeks, both the same size at birth and both adorable. Only one has reflux. Jackson spits a lot.  Tabitha spits the normal amount but it never affects her eating, attitude or growth. Jackson is smaller because of the amount that comes back out. He has trouble with some feedings and at time refuses to eat at all. 

This was also the case with Madison and Addison. Little Miss Madison is tiny, she spit a lot and ate significantly less. Food was always an issue with her, bottles were a struggle and weight gain was slow.

Before them there were another set of twins, just like Jackson and Tabitha, where the little guy had pretty bad reflux. A set of identical twins that also had tough reflux without the weight gain issues. And a sibling pair, not twins, Ethan and Ava who both seemed to suffer from reflux.

Of course after seven children with reflux issues, all different gestations, locations, different people, I've seen similarities. I see one particular stereotype with Jackson regularly. I've verbalized this to Roger and Sara to be poo-poo'd and have it forgotten/disregarded. Yesterday though, it was pretty blatant.

The more tired Jackson becomes, the more he spits. I've noticed this on many occasions. Roger believes the spitting comes from quantity, position, activity, excitement, many other things, but that it isn't predictable and/or avoidable. Because Roger is Jackson's father, we get to go with his theories first, always. Fine. I'm a rather patient person.

About a month ago, Jackson was spitting quite a bit. He was also overtired and having trouble sleeping regular, long periods. But don't think about that, his numbers were up. For me he was taking 220 - 240 mL. Roger decided, convinced Sara, this was the problem. They told me to cut Jackson off at 200 mL. Above that was just too much for him. I did and the spitting continued. Because my theory was just that, we continued limiting Jackson's bottles to 200 mL. After two weeks he visited the pediatrician who said that he wasn't getting enough total volume for the day. We needed to increase his over-all quantity. Sara thought about it and decided the only way we could do that would be to let him eat as much as he wanted at each bottle. About a week ago I was allowed to increase his per bottle volume again.

Surprisingly enough, his spitting didn't increase. But on the nights it was huge, he was really tired. Now, the original decision to limit his volume was based on this late evening spitting. Just a side note. There were no large spits during the day when he was well-rested. 

Alright, now you have the background.

Yesterday Jackson decided that I needed to know when he was ready for bed. Apparently I hadn't been responsive enough on his schedule. After his breakfast he played for a few minutes then let out this terrible screaming-cry. It was awful! I told him it was too early for bed and tried to distract him. He wasn't having it. After almost five minutes of trying, I gave up. This cry was truly awful. I took him to bed. He was asleep within seconds and slept for almost two hours, rather unheard of for this morning nap. 

He woke up, hung out, played, got annoyed, but didn't use that painful cry again. He ate his lunch, played more and BAM! there it was again! So, so awful. I looked at the clock, figured this was late enough and put him to bed. Exactly as before, he snuggled in and went to sleep immediately without complaint. 

He slept another two hors and forty five minutes! While a long nap isn't out of the ordinary for my tomatoes, two long naps, right after each other, are. Jackson woke up happy, relaxed and calm. We had a great time playing. He ate and played for another fifty minutes. 

Of course after two amazing naps he was hungry. He took 240 mL twice, also unheard of for our little dude. But no spits. Even dry burps. I'm not sure if you know anyone with reflux, but dry burps and spit-free post bottle sessions are pretty rare. Then, at five o'clock, he did the screamy-cry. It was so bad! But it was five, too late for a nap. I told him, apologized, but I couldn't put him to bed, it was too late. 

Then, it happened. And happened. And happened. He spit and spit and spit. He'd eaten an hour before and hadn't spit at all, but as soon as he'd become over tired, he started spitting. The spitting continued the rest of the night, well, it had lessened just before I left, but it's likely it continued after I left. He took a bath and fell asleep almost immediately. He was so tired.

Ethan, my other little guy with terrible reflux, never slept. Seriously. This little boy broke his leg as a young toddler and spends most of his life sick. He never sleeps. His diet was outstanding but his growth slow and stunted. He was breastfed well into his first year, actually he was closer to two when his mom weaned him, and fed on demand. But he had the worst case of reflux. Then his sister, also breastfed, had trouble with reflux too. 

From my experience, reflux increases as sleep decreases. As the number of average reflux cases has increased the average amount of sleep has decreased. 

Obviously just having a good sleeper doesn't keep your kid from having reflux, but my best sleepers have had the least trouble with reflux. Sleep increases their growth potential, increases mental health and stability, improves their appetites, refreshes and rejuvenates their bodies, improves and increases their attention spans and brain power plus allows their bodies time to just be, what's wrong with just trying?

Photo Blog Inquiries

For those of you who have asked;
I have added your names to my calendar. If you are visible on this blog, comments, emails, etc, over the next six to eight weeks, then I will invite you to view my photo blog. IMPORTANT: I need a valid email address in order to invite you.

For those of you already able to view the photo blog:
I, alright, Norah has fixed the link. You can now click right on the image and be taken to the relevant photo post.

If you prefer to check the photo blog first, it links back to relevant posts on this blog.

Mursday

Yep, it's true. I had to do it. I've created a new weekday name, couldn't help myself. It fits perfectly.

This morning was tough, super tough. It was a Monday morning. Cranky, yelling babies, short naps, over-tired fuss-pots who weren't pleased with anything. Of course we just had to deal, so I pushed their bottle a little later and took them for a walk. Both fell asleep immediately and slept soundly the duration of our walk.

Still tired and hungry when they woke up, we plodded through the feeding and off the little tomatoes went for their second naps of the day. After some strong and loud protests both were sound asleep.

And BAM! it became like a Thursday afternoon. 

Both took beautiful naps and woke up in the best moods. 

Better yet, they woke up 25 minutes apart so I actually had the opportunity to enjoy their awesome moods with some relaxed one-on-one. Giggles, smiles and cuteness prevailed and the afternoon was wonderful.

My first Mursday, I love it.

Unconditional Love

Recently, while reading a book on meditation, I came across this idea of unconditional love. Obviously this wasn't the first time I'd encountered the idea, but this author, Lewis, spoke of unconditional love in regards to the parent-child relationship. I'd think this was a given. A parent loves their child unconditionally. A child loves their parent unconditionally. Right? It's just the nature of this type of relationship, isn't it?

Thinking so I read past this and onto the next chapter never realizing how deeply the idea of conditional love bothered me. It started surfacing in random, seemingly unconnected, ways. Yesterday I didn't blog because I'd started thinking about my family. My mother to be exact. I responded proactively and delved into the feelings and frustrations head first. I'd forgotten all about unconditional love. After taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, I let many of the feeling dissipate and I relaxed. Then, out of the blue, it struck again. I talked with Norah about it and went to bed feeling relaxed and finished, or at least okay with the course of action I'd begun.

This week has been wrought with short naps and cranky babies. It's just been off. there isn't anything wrong with them, not teething yet, no milestones in the works, no gas, sickness or other such catalyst of fuss. Because of this increase in crying and decrease in sleep, I've had very little time to actually think during the day. I do take time for myself, I eat, use the toilet, check my email, sit still with the babies, but I really haven't been able to think. 

There are many who believe that because I let babies cry sometimes I'm immune to it. Or because I've nannied for so long I've built up a tolerance to the effects of crying. It isn't true. I tell my parents that, "If I can't deal with the crying, how can you?" I'm a role model, whether I like it or not. When things happen, I need to model calm. Parents look to me for direction and guidance, if I'm an emotional roller coaster, how will that effect them? Would you trust me if I cried each time your baby cried? If I jumped up and screamed each time they choked? What if I did something different every . single . time . they . cried ? You'd never trust me, have confidence in my abilities, theories and experience. 

But, being honest, I hate it when babies cry. Make it two babies and it's even worse. I can't think. I can keep them safe, I can act based on experience and practice, but I can't relax and let my mind wander. It kills me. 

All of this in mind, let's return to unconditional love. 

Both tomatoes are sleeping peacefully at the moment. I checked email then took a minute to sit still and look out of the window. Immediately my mind began to wander back to that idea of unconditional love. Let me tell you what I read. 

"Ordinary love is rooted in desire and satisfaction... Most love in the world is conditional and requires love in return. But true unconditional love requires nothing in return..."

Are you ready for this?!

"Love between a parent and child is the next [after that between spouses] most conditional relationship: I will love you and take care of you, but you in turn must love me and respect me and do what I tell you to do; you must receive gratefully all the love I give you, all the education and opportunities I bestow upon you, and you must perform and become a respectable young lady or gentleman in return."

Whoa. 

But this is stuck in my head. What have I seen to contradict this? I haven't. In my life I've seen many, many things to support this. I'm going to keep looking, keep thinking about this and I know that there are parents [somewhere] out there who love their children unconditionally. I would tell you this is true of Roger and Sara, but I'm not sure if it is in regards to Jackson. They have very, very high expectations of him. I'm not faulting them, not in any way, I'm just stating what I see. Parents should have expectations as far as I'm concerned, they should be high. But this needs to be coupled with love, understanding, space and support. I can see Sara being that way with both Jackson and Tabitha long term. I don't know about Roger.  That doesn't mean he should change or that I think he lacks something but that I need to continue searching for parents who love their children unconditionally. 

Give Blood

This time of the year blood donation is low. If you can give, please do. On a more personal note, Clover shares her story...

On September 18th, 2005, I gave birth at 31 weeks to Madison, weighing in at 2 ½ lbs., and Addison, weighing in at 3 ½ lbs.
I had been on strict bed rest for 2 ½ weeks prior, knew I was going to give birth soon and that the kids were going to be in the hospital for a while – but no matter how much I prepared myself, I could never anticipate what was to come.

I gave birth at the Hospital and was very lucky that both children were able to stay at their Special Care Nursery and did not have to be transferred to a higher level NICU as planned. No respirators were required; our kids were small and just needed to grow.

Every day the doctor updated us on the tests they ran and what they looked for. One specific test was to check each baby's hematocrit levels weekly. They explained that hematocrit levels were expected to drop every week until week 37 and then rise again. When a baby is in the womb, hematocrit levels going down and then up is no danger –out of the womb is a different story.

Both Madison and Addison's hematocrit levels were going down as expected, but because Madison was so tiny to begin with, economies of scale were not in her favor. The doctor told us that Madison's levels were going to reach a dangerous level before she reached 37 weeks and that they'd like her to have a blood transfusion.

A blood transfusion? My husband and I are far from medical experts and to this point I wasn't into reading books on twin pregnancy or what to expect because honestly, it was scary. What was going to happen was going to happen. I had no idea that this occurred in low birth weight babies and though it is more common than one would expect, it's still a scary process.

Thank goodness the blood transfusion was a success and we were lucky that she did not need any more transfusions. We were in great hands and to this day I am so thankful to all the doctors and nurses who were there for us and to modern medicine in general.

I wanted to give back however I could. It was someone's volunteered blood that literally saved my daughter's life. And you know what? After speaking to many other moms in our group who gave birth to premature low birth weight twins, I learned that some mothers had to experience each baby having five or six blood transfusions. Imagine that: 10-12 pints of blood per set of twins.

The first and last time I gave blood was in the early nineties and that was for my own surgery. I remember how lethargic I felt and how it took me a full day to recoup. I never wanted to attempt to do that again and risk feeling that way until I saw my daughter lying on that bed with all those tubes.

There are people who can give that don't for whatever reason, I used to be one of those people. My twins are now more than 2 years old and I've donated several pints thus far, feel just fine after I give, and try to give whenever possible. However, I only can give so much. Therefore, I am asking you to join me in donating blood this winter.

Time Management and Scheduling - two year old style

Recently a mom asked about time management with two year olds. Her daughter's name is Joanie. Today's post talks to this idea, so far as getting everything done in a day. Obviously I can give you suggestions but it will be harder for you than me because it's my work. It is easier for me to compartmentalize than it will be for you because you are at home. I know when I'm home, no matter how much I do I always feel like I could do more and/or there's more to be done. With that said...

Madison and Addison, who are about Joanie's age, woke around 7ish and I got there around 8 am. They'd have had breakfast by then and fresh diapers. Since they'd be playing when I first arrived I tried to throw in a load of laundry right away. Then, ideally, it's ready to toss in the dryer just before we leave the house.

Once I'd come upstairs, I'd encourage them to poo, yes, in their diapers, while picking out their clothes and planning our day. Ideally I'd try to think of what we'd be doing that day the night before, while driving, going to sleep or relaxing. Then I could mentally go through their clothes and decide what would look best and/or be most appropriate. I have to tell you this, picking out their clothes, can be my undoing. I can spend wayyy too long doing it, the shoes, the socks, everything and that's after I've picked the basics.

So, if I can get them to poo then when I dress them for the day I can change them and not worry about wipes and diapers for our outing. Sounds silly but streamlining makes a huge difference, especially with twins.

Ideally, dressed, empty (already poo'd) children then follow me downstairs and play while I make a snack to take along. They continue to play while I choose outerwear. While they are engrossed in their playing I'd run downstairs and switch the laundry. If you have multiple loads, obviously, toss the next one in at this point. Then, once I've packed everything up, I put on their shoes.

Now, if Joanie is more independent and wants to, can or chooses to do some of these things by herself, they will take longer. But it's good because the more practice she has, the quicker she'll be at performing these tasks, the more confident and independent she'll feel and the better for everyone in the long run.  Autonomy is an awesome thing and using it to your advantage makes your life easier rather than tougher.

Shoes on, snack in hand, I try to keep extra diapers in the trunk, we head out to the car. Since they can walk I encourage them to climb in on their own, this is key. The reasons are threefold. The climbing improves their gross motor skills and confidence, the physical aspect tires them out making nap time a lot easier later and the time it takes them to get in allows me the opportunity to close the door, load the extras, double check for diapers and finalize any plans I'm not quite sure of in my head. It also means I don't have to choose who gets buckled first, because they never end up ready at the same time. Autonomy is an awesome thing and using it to your advantage makes your life easier rather than tougher.

On an ideal day we are all buckled into our seats and I'm putting the car into gear around 9:30 am. Some days earlier, some days much, much later. Getting to places, like the children's museum, when they first open, helps us to avoid crowds. It also ensures a parking space, very important for me as I refuse to take a stroller once they can walk. Even though there are two of them I will not take a stroller. Why?

The walking improves their gross motor skills and confidence, the hand-holding and listening increases their attention spans. In a stroller most kids zone out and don't pay any attention. It makes me pay more attention because I look for opportunities to let go of their hands and keep them safe through interaction rather than physical restraint. The physical aspect tires them out making nap time a lot easier, activities more fun because they are stronger and their stamina is amazing (in the good ways) and they can play better and do more than their peers because of this strength and stamina. Plus the time it takes them to walk, pay attention or figure out what going on allows me to plan our next steps more fully and learn more about their perspectives as individuals. Autonomy is an awesome thing and using it to your advantage makes your life easier rather than tougher. Having them walk, rather than pushing them, does make getting places take longer. But not as much as you'd expect. And the more you do it, the faster they get, the more you look forward to it and actually realize the journey is as much (if not more) fun as the event.

Here's a HUGE benefit to no stroller - when we get into the museum we NEVER fight about leaving! By the time we've been there 25-45 minutes they are exhausted. Think of everything they've done already.

woke up
new diaper
breakfast
played
poo'd
dressed
climbed stairs
played
walked to car
climbed into car
relaxed, listened, looked
climbed out of car
walked
played

Another benefit is that we're never "stuck" if there's no elevator nor do we waste time waiting for elevators.

A good morning is 1/3 driving, 1/3 walking/climbing, and 1/3 activity/playing. Obviously the driving is broken into two parts, coming and going, as is the walking/climbing.

Ideally we'll go home, have lunch, climb back upstairs, change diapers (yep, they haven't been changed since their poo earlier in the morning), read a story, sing a song and go to bed.

I aim for a nap between 12 and 1:15 pm. Then encourage them to sleep until 3-3:45 pm. If I could choose I'd do 12:45 - 3:15 pm every day. But we need flexibility and they fluctuate just like everyone else. Since they only take one nap per day,  I really push 2 hrs minimum. If they sleep less than that, say 1.5 hrs, they can't make it through the afternoon. 45 minutes doesn't count as a nap, if they wake at this point I just wait and they almost always go back to sleep. Of course there are times when they only sleep 1.5 hrs and we plan our afternoon accordingly.

While they nap I fold the laundry, clean up their snack stuff and straighten anything out of place from the morning. If I get everything done then I take time for myself. If it has been a really exhausting morning, lots of driving, fussy kids, non-eaters, my period, headaches, non-nappers, whatever, I try to take time for myself first knowing that laundry and "stuff" always ends up getting taken care of. If I put them down and they refuse to nap, then they have "rest time" during that period.

Now, I know that most parents don't do this and I'll tell you why it's bad. Not that it isn't ideal, but why it is actually bad.

Everyone needs a break. Babies need a break. Kids need a break. Adults need a break. Heck, dogs and cats, puppies and kittens need breaks. And everyone needs a break from each other. I'm one of the most extroverted people you'll meet and I need a break. For a long, long time I denied this. I'd complain about having them nap, especially if they weren't napping, and say it would be so much easier to just go do something with them then to listen to them complain. I was wrong, I was in denial. I needed a break. They needed a break. 

Whether or not they take a nap, the afternoon is going to come. They are going to have to function in the world. They will have to eat again. And if they are so cranky they can't stand themselves at 2 pm, what do you think dinner and bedtime will look like?

Do you know that kids who get too little sleep are harder to put to bed? They are also more likely to have nightmares. They are more often heavier, to unhealthy levels, although not always. And, kids who don't get enough sleep, are sicker. Having a rest time, even without napping, makes bedtime easier.

Okay, end of my rant on sleep, it has taken years, but I'm an advocate for sleeping, naps and regular bedtimes. It is a big deal.

Alright, so, 2 hrs of nap time for self time and housework and/or busy-work. I try to always eat when the kids eat. This saves time, models proper etiquette, because they learn more from watching what you do than from listening to what you say, and keeps me from needing to eat, thus overeating, while they are asleep. I also eat healthier when I'm eating with kids than when I just grab something. For you it's even more important because it teaches Joanie that YOU are just as important as she is. Mothers who don't value themselves or their importance, raise kids who don't value themselves. By taking time for yourself you are telling her that you are an important person too. And you are, without you there'd be no her. Right?

Around 3-3:30 pm, I get them up, change diapers and while they play I put the laundry away. Then we do an activity. If they are cranky and still tired I keep it low key, if they've napped and gotten up pleasant and relaxed we do something a little more fun and exciting. If they've slept late and there really isn't much time left in the afternoon, we might stay home. No matter how perfect their naps are I make sure we stay home at least one afternoon per week. I've taken care of kids who can't get through an afternoon, 1.5-2 hrs, without needing to go out. While I'm a huge advocate for getting out and getting fresh air, being able to amuse yourself at home is just as important a skill.

Once the laundry is done we get a snack and then put on shoes, unless we're staying home, then we go downstairs for a snack and just hang out. Occasionally I'll pack a snack to take with us and we'll leave sooner. Making a point to have an "in" afternoon gives me the opportunity to catch up if I'm behind on anything. I use these afternoons to organize their drawers, take out clothes that are too small, sort toys that are no longer appropriate, lay out clothes for the next day or plan the next day, take pictures of them, make lists of needed items or groceries, etc. Whatever needs to be done.

Around 5 pm we go downstairs and I make dinner. If it's been an "in" afternoon I may have started dinner earlier, if we've been out I try to get back by 5 to get dinner started. Of course some nights we hit traffic or are just running late. Not a big deal. Five is what I like to aim for. They play while I do dinner and then get into their chairs and are eating when their mom comes home. I generally don't sit to eat with them at dinner but take the opportunity to finish anything up, emptying the diaper pail, straightening toys from playtime, organizing things for the next day, preparing a snack for the next day, more cooking, grocery list, etc.

Once a week I extend morning playtime to change their sheets. I also make lists of things that they need or do research about them, their development, special products, activities, etc. I try to fit these things into "me" time while they nap or rest.

If I were to stay late, some nights I've done this for whatever reason, then the rest of the evening would go like this.

Once they finish eating, or 6:15 pm, we put everything away and go up to the bath. I let them climb the stairs because I've already washed their hands and faces. The key to not having a hundred things to do when they go to bed is to do them as you go. When we head up to the bath the kitchen is done, bibs rinsed, chairs clean, food put away, dishwasher loaded.

Then I give them a bath, brush their teeth, and put on their pajamas. We'd read a few stories, four max, then sing a song and I'd put them to bed. Then say goodnight and close the door.

That's it, end of day, end of work because everything has been taken care of as the day went on.

 

Evening Excitement

We had quite an even this week. A neighbor tried to make a fire in her fireplace and smoked us out! It was pretty rough. I called Roger and Sara to ask about their location and Roger seemed to be trying to tell me that things weren't as serious as I was suggesting. The funny part of this is that I'm at least 60x more relaxed about emergencies than most. Honestly. I approach things calm, cool and collected because if I were to freak out everyone around me would too.

Roger ended up calling me back a minute or two later to try and learn more. Apparently when he'd hung up the phone Sara told him exactly what I just explained to you. She said, "If Samara is calling it's probably pretty serious."

A few minutes later they arrived home and Sara freaked out. Her babies were born pretty early to be risking the health of their lungs over someone's stupidity. 

Apparently this neighbor has done this before. She knew she'd screwed up and unplugged her fire alarms. Our place was full of smoke and she didn't think she should even check on us our mention it. She knows there are two babies here. And I kept telling myself to relax because there wasn't a smoke alarm, it must have been a neighbor using a wood burning stove. 

Sara called 911 while Roger talked with the neighbor. There was a lot of excitement and a lot of drama. The entire place reeks of smoke. They opened everything up despite it only being in the thirties and colder overnight. We had three fire engines here and at least five fire fighters came tromping through the house. There wasn't a fire just lots and lots of smoke. The babies were tired, it was the end of their day, but held up pretty well. Because we visited with another neighbor while the house was aired we got to see something we probably wouldn't have otherwise. Jackson is developing some stranger anxiety. Tabitha not so much. We'll see how it develops. 

For now though, we're all fine, the smoke smell is decreasing and we're all looking forward to a quiet remainder of the week. Hope yours are equally calm, relaxed and uneventful.

 

Shots, weights, sleepy-ones.

Me, I'm one of the sleepy-ones. I'm unbelievably tired today. 

The tomatoes are fine. Both are a bit of today because of their shots. For all of it's benefits, RSV vaccines can really take it out of them. I'm not complaining, I'm just telling you, both Jackson and Tabitha are feeling it today.

They weighed in at 15lb 6oz & 17lb 13oz, Tabitha being the heavyweight champion. She is also taller 27" to Jackson's 25 1/4", both have perfect weight to height ratios though so they are each perfect for themselves. Exactly what we like to see. Jackson still isn't on the chart for his actual age, eight months, but just below, maybe in the 1st percentile, maybe. Tabitha on the other hand is just below the 50th percentile for weight and just above for height. She's measuring up to other eight month olds even though they spent nearly fifteen weeks longer in the womb. Go Tabitha!

Another week almost over, another month of RSV shots and we're all doing great.

Making Baby Food

I love making baby food.

Choosing the food, 

making the grocery lists, 

organizing the supplies.

Cutting, cooking, tasting.

Keeping as much as possible. 

Knowing what's inside.

Putting the clean, 

fresh food into the food processor.

Cooking unripe fruits, vegetables, 

mixing everything together.

Seeing it go from big to small, 

untouched to ready for babies.

The entire set up, 

everything ready to be made for little mouths.

Putting everything in, attaching the lid, 

then pushing that little button.

And BAM! what was once a pear is now pear puree, 

nearly ready for little peanuts to eat.

Going from coarse to chunky.

Then from chunky to smooth in seconds.

Then freeze and organize, ahhh, choices.

I love making babyfood. 

When I first started making baby food I was excited but intimidated. What would I make? Would there be enough time? Could it really be as good as those tastey bites in the jars? Would the kids eat it? Was it better? Worse? How would it travel? 

The more I made, the better it was. I started with a blender then Clover bought me this awesome food processor, just like hers, for Christmas last year. I do it while the kids nap. Finding new combinations is the best part. 

There are loads of books out there. Super Babyfood was what I started with. But I love, Love LOVE Annabel Karmel. She comes up with the most random and yummy combinations. Her books are beautiful just to look through. And she's a mom. I also look at store brands, Ger6er, etc, for combination ideas. There are loads of websites out there and the possibilities are endless. Right now the tomatoes only eat about ten foods or so, but we've had at least twenty to thirty combinations. It's fun to make, we know what's inside, it costs so much less and having parents buy ingredients is a great transition. Going from formula to jars of food keeps parents from moving around the grocery store with baby in mind. They go to one aisle and done. Baby is compartmentalized. When I make a grocery list, introduce new foods and talk with parents, they begin thinking about foods and baby. Before long they make suggestions of their own and this proliferates itself when finger foods enter the picture. 

By dragging my feet just a little, parents get the opportunity to take initiative. This empowers them and involves them more in baby's development. It starts small, and grows out of control. I know I've done a good job when the parent thinks they no longer need me at all.

This sounds harsh, and when, in actuality, it happens, I feel frustrated and slighted. But consider the reverse.

A family of three is becoming a family of four. They invite Norah to come help when the new baby arrives. Planning to start her doctorate Norah asks if I can tag along. After a brief discussion both parents agree (I too was starting my doctorate this gave them two part timers). I'm not a conceited person, but Norah and I are amazing nannies. 

So here we are, new city, new family, new schools, the nicest mother you've ever met, an absolutely adorable two year old little boy and a father that just seemed to go with the flow (and travel a lot). Did I mention mom pampered us? 

It was awesome, we gave it our all. Mom ran around like a crazy person toting us with her while dad traveled. They never had to think about anything. Everything was done before they could let the tiniest part of the thought of it enter their minds. We all got along wonderfully. The kids were happy, we were happy, etc. 

Then, things started to happen.

Family would go on vacation, without us, why not? things were SO easy. And two year old would get hurt. They all got sick. Another vacation, again, things happening. Standing outside of the house, lil'dude falls and has to go to the emergency room.

We didn't know it at the time but we, Norah and I, were so helpful that mom and dad had just checked out. They never needed to think about the details, so they didn't. 

Things were off, but we couldn't put our fingers on it.

Then we went on vacation.

We were gone for a couple of weeks around Christmas. We had a great time and felt ready to go back to work. While we were gone though...

Apparently infant-girlie had been in bed and become so far buried under the down comforter that she couldn't breathe. When they found her she was blue. 

She was fine, but needless to say it was a wake up call. 

Things like this never happened when we were around but they were happening more and more when we weren't. Both having undergrad degrees in psychology we wondered if it could be Munchausen by Proxy. The type of accidents didn't seem to fit, but there was definitely something amiss.

Within a week we gave our notice and moved back to the East Coast. Not sure of the best course of action we kept in touch with the family and lived our lives. Within six weeks they were getting things back on track. No more random emergency room visits, less sickness, fewer accidents. And that's when we realized, we had been too helpful. Mom and dad were checked out and these accidents were caused because no one was paying attention. As soon as we were gone they had to get back in the game.

While we miss that beautiful city, we've never regretted our decision to leave. We still love the family and each of us has visited the other multiple times since our departure. All are well and we've remained close friends. I've intentionally left their names out of this because everyone makes mistakes and no one needs to be defined by them. You'll hear about them in regards to other things, but we'll not associate their names with this example. Suffice to say a nanny's job requires more than making the parents' lives easier. It is important to empower parents because they are the ones kids will spend their lives with, not the nanny.

Easy Tuesday Post and Update rolled into one!

Lucky for me Norah is bored at work today. She's stuck there waiting with the tomatoes on her mind apparently. A few months back, okay, that's not true, quite awhile ago, she tested Jackson and Tabitha using the Bayley. (see this post if you are curious)

Today, because she's bored, she's done it again, although not as completely. The first test she actually did for practice and this one she did from observation and memory, not exactly precise, but it gives us a great idea because Norah is rather observant. This is what she has to say;

I looked at the bayley for gross motor and both Tabitha and Jackson are at 6mos! That's good since they are 5mos corrected!  okay, actually from my guessing it put Jackson at 5:10 and Tabitha at 6... but still, close enough.

4:20 and 5 for fine motor
8 for expressive communication
6 for receptive
5 for cognitive

I think, based on the test items, that they would have more chances to practice these skills if they were frustrated more often, not having toys given to them... Still, they're doing really well! I guessed for fine motor and that puts Jackson a little bit behind corrected age, but not much, and everything else is right on target with corrected age, so not too bad.  A lot of the things I said they couldn't do had to do with getting objects that were out of reach by manipulating the world around them, more than moving themselves or fussing... receptive vocab stuff they peaked out at understanding "no" (since they never hear it) and social routines like peek-a-boo and pati-cake (also not a part of their world)... so they should be showing more understanding of how to stop something, or themselves, or how to ask for something or show they like it (which is measured by requesting social routines)...

And there you have it! Later this week I'll have some weights and heights to check out where they are on their growth charts. 

Monday, oh yes, it was Monday.

Monday for sure. Morning naps were crap but both tomatoes were ADORABLE today. They grew over the weekend, you can't imagine how long they both are, how agile Tabitha is, social Jackson has become or how huge her cheeks are! Roger wasn't feeling well so he didn't go to work. Norah had the day off because of MLK day (another blogger's excellent post here) so she joined me. And the five of us spent the day closed inside against the frigid New England weather. 

Big news in our world is Tabitha's rolling over. She now does it as soon as you put her to bed and then cannot get to sleep, although over the weekend she napped 45 minutes and then literally turned over and couldn't get back to sleep. Once she's over she can't get back, but, as Roger and Sara have learned the hard way, turning her back just annoys her and starts the screaming frustration. Sara actually asked for the bumpers to be extended from two-sided to three-sided and Norah offered to make it happen. The top of each crib faces the other so that they can see each other. This end was kept open while the other three sides are now bumper protected, before the two sides along the walls were bumped but no others.

Having Norah at work with me affects things differently then one would expect. She actually avoids coming as much as she can because of the way it affects me. I am terrible but I jump on the opportunity to get as much done as possible. I love the extra set of hands and don't stop during the entire time she's there. Every few hours she gets me to sit and eat, because she cooks, but other than that she barely sees me.

Thus no daytime blogging. None. Too busy.

Today Norah took pictures of he tomatoes (although I did get at least a hundred this morning while she changed the crib bumpers).  She helped me with each feeding and switched the laundry, not to mention all of the playing, singing and fun she had with the babies. I have to tell you, I warned Roger and Sara that it could happen, it's happened. Jackson is smitten with Norah. I don't know what it is, all of my boys adore her. Addison was the same. we'd take out the kids and he was glued to Norah. They love her and now Jackson does too.

Despite the tiny morning nap, damn 45 minutes anyway, playtime, feedings and afternoon naps were beautiful. Plus I organized and accomplished so much! Aside from regular Monday activities, laundry, sheets, formula, bottles, etc, I made squash! Sara thought she'd get to it over the weekend, but I wasn't holding my breathe. No big deal, but I've made most of their food o far. It's hard for new parents to make time for each other, themselves,  snuggling, playing, interacting, feeding, napping and making food. Not to mention a food you've never cooked for yourself. Right? Not an issue. Tomorrow, squash day 1. I also made apples, carrots, avocado, peas and a few vegetable mixes. My babies eat well!

It was a very, very good and productive day (which is most of what made it SO good!). This week we have our next round of RSV shots and weigh ins, fingers crossed we're doing as well as we think we are. 

_______________________________________________

Okay, whether or not you've noticed, I try to blog each day that I work, but not more than once. And today I was tagged. So this post is a bit longer than expected. Tagging follows... 

_______________________________________________

I have been tagged by Carolyn at Ramblings of the Other Mother. So here it goes....


First, The Rules:

1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!

1. I love, Love, LOVE to be busy and productive (surprising I know).
2. Working with a single, first-born baby is so much harder than taking care of infant twins.
3. I've worked for four doctors, my wife has worked for five.
4. (this might ruffle a few feathers) Having a puppy was so much tougher than taking care of babies; a) babies wear diapers, b) babies don't have teeth right away - especially not sharp puppy-teeth, c) babies can't hurt other people when you first get them, d) you can bring a baby anywhere and carrying it makes things better, e) babies don't need endless amount of exercise and biscuits to get them to listen.
5. (if you didn't like four, you won't like five either) Puppies and babies are so similar; a) both need more sleep than people think they do, b) limits benefit both in building relationships and developing their senses of self, trust and comfort, c) they both need constant supervision, d) neither know what they need so you need to be confident and consistent in what you do, e) both are smarter than they look, f) babies and puppies learn really fast - this is good and bad for us as caregivers
6. I love my dog but nothing can compare to time spent with a baby. I'm so glad we got him well before we considered having a baby (we're not close yet, but considering it).

I will tag...
1. This Melbourne Nanny
2. BabyBlueprint
3. uterus x 2

 pic 

Schedule Question

UPDATE: Hey! This just up (1.31.08) quint's mom uses E.A.S.Y. !!! Check it out!! Watch for E.A.S. Eat, Activity, Sleep...


Over the last few weeks I've given advice regarding schedules for young, less than five month old, babies a couple of times. Instead of just responding to specific parents, as I have been doing, I want to post about it. Then if there are any other folks out there having similar questions but no time or gumption to ask, they'll benefit as well. 

Warning; this post will likely be long and deal directly with scheduling. Not every baby needs a schedule but many benefit from them. Do not feel that because I'm for specific schedules I'm knocking those of you who feed or sleep on demand. I'm doing things the best that I can, as I imagine you are. 

Scheduling for the young infant...

The family I'm working with now is very soft, cuddly and sweet with their babies. They really like the book, Healthy Sleep/Happy Child, she uses it with Touchpoints. Between the two she finds her balance of calm, kind mommy and intelligent, thinking ahead parent. You don't need to buy either book, your local library should have them if you think you need to read them, but I can give you the gist of what I think works (which likely comes from these books, other books, experience and successful nappers/eaters).

Many new parents feel this way, it is the response young infants tend to illicit. I'm small and sweet so just love me. Right? Who can think rationally when confronted with this? And with most single babies one can easily slip into a pattern of responsive parenting. Meaning baby cries, parent tries to fix the problem. Are they hungry? Dirty? Scared? Tired? Confused? Essentially, why are they crying and what can I do to fix it. As soon as you have one adult for two babies this ceases to work effectively and predictably. One person only has two hands, if you parent responsively, rather than proactively, inevitably both babies will desire your attention simultaneously and you'll have to make one wait or completely stress yourself out trying to accommodate both. 

Instead of getting into this place, similar to the waiting place, as described in Dr. Suess's Oh the Places You'll Go, anticipate your babies needs. You know that every day your baby will need to eat, dirty diapers, sleep, play and cuddle. No question, every day you'll do these things. 

Let's start here. Imagine you have twin four month olds, actual age, and you've entered into a place where you can't get feeding and naps in line. Start with the basics, feedings. Equally space feedings. This sounds scary, breathe, this is where you come in - how you "equally space" them is your call. 

Example:

Tabitha came home from the hospital a week before Jackson. She was small and sweet and cuddly and finally in her parents arms whenever they wanted. The nurses had sent her home eating on a schedule of every three hours. But Roger and Sara were ready to do it their way, damn the scheduling they wanted to feed her on demand. Super. One baby, two parents, Tabitha ate whenever she wanted. It happens so fast and so painlessly most parents can't see it coming.

As you can imagine, when Jackson arrived home he joined his sister in their parents new found freedom. Forget every three hours! Herein lies the problem, if given the choice, Jackson would take two bottles per day. I'm not kidding you, the boy isn't interested in eating. Tabitha on the other hand, would eat at least once per hour. Her amounts would be erratic and there'd be no length of time available for sleeping.

Because Roger and Sara are such soft, loving first time parents, 

we started their schedule as gently as possible. 

Tabitha was eating all of the time. Bottles too close together became smaller. We were preparing bottles six to seven times each day because there was no way of predicting how much and often she'd eat. 

We agreed that eating every hour was too often. 

We talked about each cycle.

One of the parenting books suggests the E.A.S.Y. cycle. 

E = Eat

A = Activity

S = Sleep

Y = You

It doesn't matter if your cycle goes eat-activity-sleep-you or eat-sleep-activity, the important part is to include each thing in every cycle. A cycle goes from one bottle to the next. If your child is eating every 1.5 hours, they have 30 minutes to eat, 30 minutes to sleep and 30 minutes to play. Obviously you need to include diapering and burping in there too. The time starts the first time you put the bottle into their mouth. some take longer to eat, some longer to burp, most don't have very long attention spans or healthy awake periods. 

We started with 1.5 hours because Roger and Sara could undoubtedly agree that Tabitha could go that long.  This may not sound like much, but when you've been responding to every cry with a bottle, it's a huge change. And including sleep in every cycle is a huge step for most parents.

Before long it was obvious to Roger and Sara that 90 minutes wasn't enough time to get everything done in and she could go longer. It was also quite a bit of work to get them to sleep during every cycle.

Sleep. Ahh, I feel strongly about sleep.
Educated sleep specialists reach out to pediatric residents and teach them the value of sleep and how to help parents reinforce the importance of sleep. Sleep is important and we as a culture don't value it, this specifically was discussed on NPR earlier this week.

From my experience (and reiterated by aforementioned sleep specialist) anything goes for the first six weeks, depending on your baby, maybe four weeks, maybe five, but six weeks at the latest, after that expectations, habits, rituals, whatever your chosen synonym, there's a change at or around six weeks. Almost every, if not every, book I've read says you cannot actually spoil babies. But maybe we shouldn't think of it as spoiling but rather expectation setting.

At any point you can begin creating the routine and expectations you'll most enjoy. If you choose something you find calming, soothing or relaxing, your baby will learn to love and expect it just as much if not more than you do. Babies are adaptable, even if they seem opinionated and determined, they can mold themselves to your expectations. Adopted babies and children are an example of how adaptable babies can be. 

Here are a few examples of nighttime routines, I start here because most families have the hardest time at the end of the day. Any routine you use for sleeping can be called a nighttime routine and should be used at all sleep times. Some choose to make the end of the day, nighttime routine a little longer than the others to differentiate it from napping. Whatever you prefer will work as long as you are consistent. 

Example 1)

Mom stays at home with twins every day of the week, she gets help two afternoons per week. Her twins are big, big babies but started as tiny preemies. she is a very petite woman and after a long day of holding, feeding, moving, loving, entertaining and caring for her two immobile children she's exhausted. Her nighttime routine must meet her needs and energy level as well as that of her robust children. Each evening she feeds her twins dinner. Then bathes them. After their bath she prepares small bottles while they play on the floor a bit. She places each one into their carseat, if someone is there with her, they each hold a baby. For her the carseat is key because they can be strapped in, had she owned two bouncy seats these would have worked just as well, because her twins were so big and active bumbo chairs and boppies weren't enough. Strapped in mom can feed both babies at the same time. Before she begins she lights a candle. She did this one night by chance and both babies were transfixed. They found the light relaxing and centering after a long day. Because it worked so well mom now does this every single night. Once they finish their bottles she burps them, puts on their sleeps sacks, cuddles for a minute, tells them she loves them, puts them into bed, turns on the white noise machine, turns off the light and closes the door. Every.single.night.

Example 2) 

Mom works three days a week, dad works five days one of which is from home and they have childcare in their home while dad is home and mom is at work. Mom has trouble with anxiety and sleep is extremely important to her thus they stress consistency. Each night mom comes home in time for happy hour, a time when the babies play on the kitchen floor. Every night, during the time they start to get fussy, her twins come to play on the kitchen floor. This is very different from the rest of their day which is why it is saved for this fussy period. So mom comes home, hears about the day, sends childcare provider home and changes from work. Dad comes home, both babies are exhausted but both mom and dad want more time with them so they get a short 20 minute catnap. While they sleep one parent prepares bottles while the other unwinds, prepares dinner, gets pjs and loveys, whatever, then they each take a baby and feed them their dinner. After they've each finished and burped, they hold them for ten to fifteen minutes. They believe this reduces their risk of reflux. Once the agreed upon time has passed, they change each babies' diaper, put on their pajamas and sleepsacks, get their loveys* and go to the sofa for stories. After two or three stories they say goodnight to the house and take the babies to bed. Once in bed they tell them about their days then say the same thing about sleep and loving them, every night, turn off the light and close the door.

The key to these sleeping is consistency. There's nothing wrong with soothing your baby. Just remember not to pick baby up again once you've put her down. Talk, sing, pat, massage her but make the choice not to pick her up again once you've put her to bed. Picking her up sends mixed signals, she's wondering, what are we doing now? What comes next? Maybe she doesn't actually think in those words but she's confused and doesn't know what to expect, except what you teach her to expect. 

You don't need to use a certain product, dress them a certain, say a specific thing, you just need to be the same. The can't tell time, your words and actions alert them to what comes next. 

There's nothing wrong with rocking your child for as long as you like, singing three songs every night or reading a shelf full of books, the problem comes in when you start to dread putting her to bed, the rocking, singing or reading routine stresses you out, getting to bed takes longer than her regular awake period or you put her to bed already asleep.

Some of these reasons are self explanatory; if you dread putting her to bed or get stressed out by all of the rocking, singing, reading, you'll avoid it. You'll push it off as long as possible. She'll get overtired, less opportunity to sleep and you'll be stressed before you even begin.

If getting to bed takes longer than her regular awake period, i.e. the amount of time she can enjoy actually being awake, then you are sure to have an overtired baby on your hand most likely to wake up at 45 minutes, sleep shorter periods or have broken sleep periods.

Finally, if you hold her until she's asleep then put her into bed, she expects to be being held when she wakes. She will wake during her sleep cycle, it's natural and normal and we all do it. Waking up in a different place than she went to sleep can be scary, disorienting and frustrating for her. Thus she wakes up and asks, through crying, to be put back in the place she fell asleep, your arms, the rocking chair, carseat, etc.

It comes down to this;

Space bottles evenly.

• you'll know what to expect, baby will learn what to expect
• cycles will be consistent and each include some period of sleep

Set up a sleep routine

• regular signals that tell baby sleeptime is coming
• consider what you think is important (reading, singing, loveys*, rocking, etc)

Be CONSISTENT

• knowing what to expect is just as helpful to baby as it is to you
• consistency leads to routine which will allow you wiggle room, if you always do three things before they sleep and you wait 28 minutes to put them down rather than 23, they won't notice because your signals are the same as always

*loveys = transitional object intended to soothe baby during sleep, used to transition. Examples; use with pacifier then in place of pacifier, used to signal time for sleeping, helps get them into overnight sleep, i.e. object is there when they wake in the night.

I know this was very, very long winded. I hope that it helps and gives you some more ideas, insights and options for getting your babies on a schedule that works for all of you. 

If you have more questions, please, just ask.

Twelve soon.

Yep, peas day two. Just about as exciting as it sounds! Nothing really to tell today, both tomatoes are fine, napping on schedule and playing like, um, babies. Crazy isn't it? 

This week I've been thinking about Zander's older brother, Rowan. He was two and a half when I met him, very, very cute, traditional blonde, huge blue eyes and his signature toddler bowl cut. He had an amazing vocabulary but was extremely picky about who he let hear it, he could say almost any word and didn't hesitate to tell you he preferred his mother over every other person in the world. 

I can hardly believe that was me, ten years ago. It seems like a lifetime ago that he was demanding I go and mommy stay. Always. In those first days I can't count how many times he said, "No Samara. You no get me. Mommy get me." This phrase applied to everything, putting on his bib, wiping his hands, buckling his carseat, unbuckling, getting toys, taking baths, everything was punctuated with "You no get me." And his pacifier, it was always in the picture, ALWAYS.

It is so crazy to think that in a week he will be twelve. Twelve. He's about my height now, doesn't want anybody to do anything, and thick. It's very odd. All of the things I imagined for him, mainly that he'd be just like his peers, and he isn't. He's the image of his mother, overweight, lazy, addicted to the television, rude, self-centered and antisocial. He does play sports like his extremely active father and he watches them on tv, but he eats garbage in massive quantities and lounges in front of the television for hours upon hours. 

I think of all we did together, how he grew, what I saw in him. There were so many great adventures, experiences to make an impression, consistent, regular activities that I just can't understand this place he's in. That isn't true, I know modeling means so much more than everything I put in, but it's so hard to accept. 

You may be thinking I dislike Beckett, his mother, but that isn't true. I love her dearly, but I know that she makes unhealthy choices. Models unhealthy behavior and who wants to see a child unhealthy? Every choice I made during my years with Rowan was based on him having a healthy life, being a healthy and happy person. It's hard to see that he isn't. You may also be thinking that he's coming into his teen years and he's completely normal, maybe. But what if he picks up more of his mother's unhealthy choices? There's still hope in college. A lot can chnge, happen and develop then. I haven't given up on Rowan. I still love him very, very much and think about him regularly. For this next year, I wish him renewed health, happiness and individuality. 

Happy Birthday Rowan!