Snowy Springtime?

It is amazing how fast things can snowball in a babies' world. Yesterday we enjoyed the beautiful Spring weather for nearly two hours, went down for a slightly later nap and ended up with only 45 minutes each. I waited a bit to go in, as I always do, and when things had quieted down I took my opportunity. Unfortunately Tabitha may have been about to go back to sleep, but I didn't know this before going in. Had she snoozed some more Jackson may have followed her lead and gotten a bit too.

They were tired, obviously, having only slept 45 the entire afternoon. We kept it low-key and I informed Sara of the details stressing that they'd probably be ready for bed sooner rather than later. Generally Roger and Sara have about an hour window during which the time they put the tomatoes down varies. I was suggesting that after so much fresh air and so little afternoon napping they'd enjoy the earlier time.

Of course what do I know.

Roger and sara kept them up later than usual and surprisingly enough they woke up earlier than usual, crying. Jackson and Tabitha never wake in the morning crying, not since they were a couple months old. They had very little sleep on Sunday and have gradually been inching closer to normal as the week has gone on. Maybe catching up a bit, but still behind on what keeps them at their best.

You see where this is going?
They are clingy and exhausted today. Jackson doesn't want to eat. Tabitha only wants to be held. It isn't pretty or fun to listen to. Thankfully during the day I set the schedule and they took a nice morning nap. Not too long ago I put them down early for their afternoon nap and they fell asleep right away.

I'm hoping to stop this snowball before it becomes Frosty.

Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate each of your comments. 

Norah says; 

okay, so the question really is... what part does SHE not like? I'm sure I know what part you don't like... but you can only offer advice if there's part that she doesn't like... know what I mean?

My answer has come in the form of my day. A real post and solution rolled into one. 

We've had a horrible napping day today. Two 45ers, yep, do the math, that's four over tired naps. Today they tag-teamed the short, over-tired naps. I know I've said it before 

here, here and here. But it's worth mentioning again, babies that wake at 45 minutes are overtired. It's hard to believe, after today, good gravy, I know. They seem to have too much energy but it's that last ditch effort, the need to give it your all.

I guess a positive spin would be, the more of a fight they put up the more gumption, determination and endurance they possess. If I were a parent and my baby were putting me through the 45-minute-ringer that's what I'd tell myself. 

Anyhow, it has been a very long day. I wanted to go out for a walk after the first short-nap, but it was snowing. After the second one I knew they were so tired we'd all make each other crazy if we stayed in. Of course at this point I wanted to just wait it out, it was almost the end of my day, I'd remembered what I was wearing, light-summer-weight pants, big heavy boots and a tee shirt, and really didn't want to wrestle them into their snowsuits and the stroller.

But I am tough!

Tabitha cried continuously until she was in the stroller. That doesn't sound too bad, but from her bed to the stroller was awful! First a new diaper, then sweater, hat, mittens, snowsuit, down the stairs, dress Jackson, who was spitting up every three to seven seconds, diaper, sweater, mittens, hat, snowsuit, downstairs, (carrying them both together is such a workout now), my coat, hat and boots, down more stairs, set up stroller (remember Tabitha is crying and Jackson keeps needing his face [hat, snowsuit, mittens, etc] wiped), open bundle-mes, finally, insert Tabitha. Crying stops. Buckle Jackson, down more stairs, (man they are heavy!), my gloves on and we're walking. But I was freezing!

After a short walk we do it all in reverse, have a bottle [x2], burp and try the napping thing again. After a few protests both are sleeping and I'm using my few minutes of peace to eat m&ms and blog. Maybe I should breathe before we head into dinner, although after this nap we should be pretty relaxed for the last hour of my day. Then Roger and Sara will be new faces, arms and cuddles (not to mention evening the odds and giving them a 1:1 ratio) and new energy until Jackson and Tabitha get to go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.

Unconditional Love

Recently, while reading a book on meditation, I came across this idea of unconditional love. Obviously this wasn't the first time I'd encountered the idea, but this author, Lewis, spoke of unconditional love in regards to the parent-child relationship. I'd think this was a given. A parent loves their child unconditionally. A child loves their parent unconditionally. Right? It's just the nature of this type of relationship, isn't it?

Thinking so I read past this and onto the next chapter never realizing how deeply the idea of conditional love bothered me. It started surfacing in random, seemingly unconnected, ways. Yesterday I didn't blog because I'd started thinking about my family. My mother to be exact. I responded proactively and delved into the feelings and frustrations head first. I'd forgotten all about unconditional love. After taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, I let many of the feeling dissipate and I relaxed. Then, out of the blue, it struck again. I talked with Norah about it and went to bed feeling relaxed and finished, or at least okay with the course of action I'd begun.

This week has been wrought with short naps and cranky babies. It's just been off. there isn't anything wrong with them, not teething yet, no milestones in the works, no gas, sickness or other such catalyst of fuss. Because of this increase in crying and decrease in sleep, I've had very little time to actually think during the day. I do take time for myself, I eat, use the toilet, check my email, sit still with the babies, but I really haven't been able to think. 

There are many who believe that because I let babies cry sometimes I'm immune to it. Or because I've nannied for so long I've built up a tolerance to the effects of crying. It isn't true. I tell my parents that, "If I can't deal with the crying, how can you?" I'm a role model, whether I like it or not. When things happen, I need to model calm. Parents look to me for direction and guidance, if I'm an emotional roller coaster, how will that effect them? Would you trust me if I cried each time your baby cried? If I jumped up and screamed each time they choked? What if I did something different every . single . time . they . cried ? You'd never trust me, have confidence in my abilities, theories and experience. 

But, being honest, I hate it when babies cry. Make it two babies and it's even worse. I can't think. I can keep them safe, I can act based on experience and practice, but I can't relax and let my mind wander. It kills me. 

All of this in mind, let's return to unconditional love. 

Both tomatoes are sleeping peacefully at the moment. I checked email then took a minute to sit still and look out of the window. Immediately my mind began to wander back to that idea of unconditional love. Let me tell you what I read. 

"Ordinary love is rooted in desire and satisfaction... Most love in the world is conditional and requires love in return. But true unconditional love requires nothing in return..."

Are you ready for this?!

"Love between a parent and child is the next [after that between spouses] most conditional relationship: I will love you and take care of you, but you in turn must love me and respect me and do what I tell you to do; you must receive gratefully all the love I give you, all the education and opportunities I bestow upon you, and you must perform and become a respectable young lady or gentleman in return."

Whoa. 

But this is stuck in my head. What have I seen to contradict this? I haven't. In my life I've seen many, many things to support this. I'm going to keep looking, keep thinking about this and I know that there are parents [somewhere] out there who love their children unconditionally. I would tell you this is true of Roger and Sara, but I'm not sure if it is in regards to Jackson. They have very, very high expectations of him. I'm not faulting them, not in any way, I'm just stating what I see. Parents should have expectations as far as I'm concerned, they should be high. But this needs to be coupled with love, understanding, space and support. I can see Sara being that way with both Jackson and Tabitha long term. I don't know about Roger.  That doesn't mean he should change or that I think he lacks something but that I need to continue searching for parents who love their children unconditionally. 

Is it really Monday?!

Can it really be Monday?! It feels like Friday. Jackson and Tabitha have napped impeccably today. I'm not sure what to do with myself. All of my well-rested-weekend-energy hasn't been drained from reinstating regular naps. It feels surreal. Talking with Roger and Sara on Wednesday of last week actually made a huge difference and I'm so HAPPY!!! And the babies? They are relaxed, happy and hungry! All of this sleeping, awesome tummy-time and enjoyable social interactions have increased their appetites!

We're getting exceptionally productive tummy-time that I hope continues all week. On Thursday EI returns with the physical therapist (PT) to give us more suggestions and evaluate our progress. Then Friday will take us back to the pediatrician for our second round of RSV shots.