Just a picture . . .

Almost-not-quite-Spring

Things are progressing along today. Headed out earlier, enjoyed this closer-to-Spring weather. I can't wait until it's actually Spring and the days move past rain to warmer and sunny. Jackets or sweaters and maybe scull caps, how cute will we be?! Today I exposed their hands and shoes for little bit. Not much though as it was pretty chilly. We even wore skull caps under our snowsuits, it was a real treat!

After today I'm hoping to mix up the blogging. Maybe aim for twice each week instead of 5/wk. Then I won't have to just drop off once it gets warmer out. Possibly Tuesdays/Thursdays as I don't do laundry those days and should have a little more flexibility.

visitors

Blurred with little focus as I imagine the tomatoes remember our recent visitors.

Update on Tomatoes

With one week behind us and two more until we see our PT and EI person again - we're doing great with the physical therapy! We've added it to our daily charts/logs attempting to remind me, my suggestion, that I should work on it with them multiple times each day rather than multiple times each week. Seems silly and pretty straight-forward but making time to sit still and do a few simple exercises - with-each-baby - takes planning on top of everything else.

There hasn't been much time to blog this week for a few reasons;
1) I'm completely over winter and spend every free moment wishing for Spring. Blogging about what's going on now just reinforces where we are now - getting more snow and wearing heavy winter coats, still.

2) Despite our debates about going outside this winter, I have respected Roger's fear of them getting too cold, despite how silly I think it is, and have kept our outings to a minimum. Meaning we've gone on walks two or three times each month - this in itself has added to my frustration with winter and cold weather. Now that Spring is approaching, however slowly, I'm making a point to get them outside every day. We've been outside more this week than most of the winter! Adding that time into our days, on top of physical therapy three times per day, has removed a lot of my computer time.

3) Our new schedule, as agreed on by Roger, Sara and me, has been tough. there has been more waiting, planning and fussing than most people can take. It is exhausting. Terribly, terribly exhausting. But after an extremely dry spell we've hit on a few good naps and I think we're only at the tip of the iceberg. Aside from the patience necessary to get through this time, I've been trying to be more precise. Instead of getting them up (or putting them down) with 30 minutes leeway, I've been setting the timer and sticking to it. The consistency is helping their bodies adjust and giving us some more regularity.

4) The main reason that I haven't had time to blog is that I've been making myself sit still during the first part of their morning naps. This is the time I'm guaranteed quiet and I'm at my best in the morning. the problem is I start my day on hyper drive and it's just not relaxing or good for me personally. so, no matter how much I want to get everything done in the first 30 minutes after I put them to bed, I make myself relax. And it's really, really hard! This has been my best time frame for blogging, without it I feel like there's not a good time to get to blogging so I haven't been.

I only have eight minutes left before my timer goes off, I've added cooking and laundry to today's agenda, MWF are our regular laundry days but I didn't get to their sheets yesterday, so I must run!

Quickly though:

Both tomatoes are doing well. Tabitha's face is really changing. Jackson can hold one of our physical therapy positions on his own! Neither are sitting but both are moving backwards. Both can rock on their hands and knees although Tabitha prefers knees and elbows. This week she's started crossing her ankles while she lies on her tummy, too adorable! And, AND! Tabotha has started making consonant sounds! Norah was getting a little concerned but then, as if on cue, Tabitha began da-da-da and ba-ba-ba and yesterday I heard la-la-la followed by ya-ya-ya! It's very, very exciting! Jackson is growing and eating. The screaming, that was so terribly painful, has all but stopped, now rather than Tabotha doing it Jackson does occasionally. And the spitting during meals is nearly gone as well thanks to consistent time-outs by both Sara and I. 

cry, cry, cry.

Built the tomatoes the coolest fort today. They didn't enjoy it, at all. Pretty defeating. Made me want to cry, much like the Johnny Cash song . . .
I wasted my time when I would try, try, try.
When the lights have lost their glow, you're gonna cry, cry, cry.

just a photo . . .

Ei progress

It's been six weeks since we've seen EI. 6! In that time they have made some excellent progress. I'm not exaggerating when I say they were impressed. They were! Both Jackson and Tabitha have improved their sitting. While neither can sit by themselves each can hold the sitting position for about a minute unaided.

The biggest excitement of the visit was Jackson's rocking. The boy loves being on his hands and knees and just rocking back and forth. Being the thoughtful little tomato that he is, he waited until PT put him into that position to show that he could do it. As if to tell her, "I learned what you just taught me!" Norah might have a run for her money there - Jackson seemed smitten!

Tabitha on the other hand, was the opposite of smitten. She wanted nothing to do with PT. She was fussing and cranky throughout the visit and at times down right uncoroperative. It is unclear whether she was having stranger anxiety or just being fussy. She wasn't especially soothed by anyone so I'm voting fussy, especially since it started before EI arrived. She's also yet to show signs of stranger anxiety whereas Jackson has entertained the idea on two or three occasions.

Weighing in are Jackson and Tabitha!

Napping continues to be challenging but after amazing afternoon naps yesterday I'm feeling encouraged. If only the morning nap would fall into line... we're planning to get to bed earlier for the morning nap because they just start thier day overtired. Did happen this morning though because of appointments needing to be kept. RSV shots - two per baby - our second to last of the season. Hooray for Spring!! Jackson weighs in at a beautiful 16 lb 4 oz! He's gained nearly a pound since last month! Good job! Tabitha, solidly on the chart for her actual age, comes in at 18 lb 12 oz! Again, nearly a pound in a month, way to grow!

Both are doing great although Jackson seems to have his first runny nose. Clear and mild, doesn't seem to be bothering him, plus he could be about to get teeth. The boy can't be awake without something on his gums; his finger, a toy, his sister's hand, as long as there's something there he's happy. Last night, after dinner, he wouldn't let me brush his teeth. We've been doing this every evening for the last six weeks or so and they both LOVE it. No matter their mood, they LOVE it. But he was not having it! The funny thing is Tabitha's the drooler. The girl produces as much drool as her brother produces spit up! Speaking of, most recent GI visit has us continuing along the same path, adding third meal, done, and getting ready to start proteins! Hooray!

Side Note: the tulip photos are recent. I took them earlier this week. The blog was too empty and we need to encourage Spring along as much as we can. They were a gift from Norah for Valentine' day. They are from a potted plant and absolutely gorgeous!

Camera Link for Newest Posts

Yes, the camera is there but it isn't linked yet because I need time to upload the photos. Our internet is down at home so I'm doing this as fast as I can. I apologize for the inconvenience.

A reminder to those of you who can't see the photo blog - there's an explanation of this on my profile page.

Back on track - link there-link back! Plus bonus weekend post by Norah, too funny!!! Read it here.

Wednesday:Update

Life here is hard, really tough, when babies don't nap. We're trying to get things consistent enough that there's no starting over every Monday. Getting parents, even intelligent parents, onboard is tough sometimes. Sara can see it one way and Roger another, of course being a third and separate person, I see it another and Norah comes in with an opinion of her own. What we've ended up with is a team of very helpful, invested and determined adults and two very sleepy children.

Change takes time, regularity and persistence. It's been three days and while it's tough now I know it will get better. As much as I love and respect Norah I've asked her to back off a bit because I feel like I'm trying to convince her as much as Roger and Sara when what I need from her is support. Unluckily for me Sara questions much like Norah does and causes me to doubt myself. This doesn't benefit anyone. We flip and flop and end up going in circles. With Norah's support, rather than help, I can remember that I do it this way because it works, and we can all move forward.

It may sound obvious or a little odd, but if your nanny doubts herself you'll doubt her and everything else. It's important for the person in the experienced position to be confident and help those around them feel that confidence until they find their own.

Tuesday:Shadow Play

After some fresh air, Jackson and Tabitha tried a new game: shadow play. Tabitha caught on right away, if she moved, her shadow moved. Jackson was more distracted but eventually noticed and considered his shadow. It was an interesting insight into the mind of nearly nine month olds. I'm looking forward to games we'll play together as they get bigger. Right now our repertoire is limited. We roll the ball back and forth when we have another adult here, we sing or talk back and forth, Jackson is doing his version of "high-5" during bottles and we're drinking out of open cups. Of course it's all very rudimentary but engages their bodies and minds.

Monday:Here we are.

(WARNING: extremely long post, maybe skip to the end, you'll get the gist.)
It's a new week and we're onto our new napping plan. Some of you might not enjoy this post so feel free to leave at any time.

If you give a mouse a cookie...
or
if you explain your expectations...

If you explain your expectations,
kids are going to listen.

When kids listen,
they understand more.

When kids understand more [of the expectations],
they'll know what you want.

When they understand, they'll practice.

Then they'll expect more from you to make sure they know what you want.

When they're sure they understand,
they'll want to practice some more.
They'll probably ask again what you want from them.

When they hear it again,
they'll want to try some more.

They'll start doing what you expect.

They might get carried away and start guessing what you want.
They may even act on these assumptions without your permission.

When you restate the expectations,
they'll probably want to practice again.

You'll have to be patient while they try each part again.

They'll try on the same shoes you showed them before and jump around a bit.

They'll probably ask you for clarification.
So you'll explain to them again what you expect,
and they'll start to practice.

When they've practiced themselves silly,
they'll get so excited to show you they understand.
They'll ask for an opportunity to show you.

They'll do exactly as you expect.

When they've succeeded once,
they'll want to do it again
with you encouraging them.

Then they'll want you to tell everyone.

Which means they'll be hearing again what you expect.

They'll file away what you say
and take time to consider it.

Considering what you expect
will remind them that
they love you.

So...
they'll ask you to explain [your expectations] again.

And chances are
if they ask you to explain again,
they're going to want to practice getting it right.

[When they know how to please you,
they generally will.]

Working with children in different capacities one of the biggest constants is noticing how much more they understand, at all ages, than people think they do. Little bits are smart!

When you run into a frustrating situation with a child, sometimes you can step back and see it from their perspective. If you can truly step back you might realize that you've never actually explained to them what you expect.

Example) When little Madison sees birds she bursts into tears. At home this may seem amusing, surprising, but funny. Without thinking you might laugh or smile. Madison takes this as positive reinforcement of her actions, i.e. see birds = cry.

Next time Madison sees the birds she begins screaming as if being tortured. This time you aren't at home and it isn't funny. You are at the museum and she's scaring the other children. You are embarassed because the birds are outside barely visable and the other parents are staring. Nobody knows Madison sees the birds. It's frustrating to see her screaming and carrying on over birds outside a glass window. You reprimand her. You both feel frustrated. She's confused, last time you encouraged this. Now you are angry? How could she have known?

Going home you let it go. The next day, before you leave the house, you get down to Madison's level. Calmly and slowly you say to Madison,
"Madison the birds aren't going to hurt you. We don't cry when we see the birds."
She looks at you. Thinks about what you said then goes about her world. Later, when you see the birds, she starts to cry and you remind her that we don't cry when we see the birds. She stops. Maybe she sticks close or holds your hand, but she doesn't cry.

This applies to our current napping situation. Meaning we aren't napping and Sara is ready to throw in the towel. But I'm sure if we just tell them what we expect and reinforce what we're looking for, they will get it and all will be well. Man, little tinies are so much easier than these big thinkers! all they want to do is explore their worlds and practice and be out there, but without sleep they won't reach their growth potential, brain potential or keep their nanny - cause I'll lose my mind!

Friday:Rock & Roll

He's rocking regularly back and forth on his knees. Can you believe it? It's AWESOME!! No sitting yet, but preparing to crawl - go big boy, Go!

She's rolling like crazy. Onto her back to check out the world, kick her heels and do what she feels when she feels like doing it! Still just practising the sit, but moving to her own tune! Roll baby Roll!

Roger and Sara have been moving right along as well. Planning activities, keeping things at home in motion and feeling over all on top of things. Hooray for a healthy family!

Next week will likely have some shaking it up symptoms. Naps have been terrible this week ad we're going to make some changes. More on Monday!

Long Day.

Today was a very, very long day. Neither Jackson nor Tabitha felt they should nap longer than 45 minutes at a stretch. Of course this didn't mean they weren't tired, oh no my friend. They were crank-kee! Finally after much patience shown by Sara and I slept about an hour and a half - you wouldn't believe it - they woke up completely different children! It was a much better evening than it had been morning or afternoon. I was glad for that! Sara and I had a long talk about naps and scheduling and expectations and such. It's great to work with someone who 1)appreciates your intelligence, opinion and experience, 2)respects your opinion even if she doesn't agree with it, 3)asks questions about your perspective to try and understand it better, and finally tends to agree with me on most things (that's just a bonus). 

Speaking of bonuses...anybody been clicking on the camera link???

Way to go!

Jackson has gained a pound since his last visit to the specialist! He doesn't need to go back until his birthday!! Hooray for Jackson!!!

Of course there was no napping this morning. Tabitha thought 45 minutes would suffice and Jackson decided 35 was plenty. I don't need to tell you that they were extremely fussy until their next nap when they slept a whopping 2.5 hours!!! Oh yes - they woke up the cutest, snuggliest little tomatoes you've ever seen!! It was a great afternoon! (that is if I leave out the part about Tabitha's new trick, called manipulating adults!!! she focuses on Roger but feels confident enough to put everyone through the wringer!) We even enjoyed some great floor time - have I told you how awesome they are getting with gross motor skills??? Oh wait around, that post is coming!

Babyfood to be cleaned, cooked and cubed (ice cubed)!

Didn't mention it, but I've got a bounty, seriously, of food to cook this week. I should stay pretty busy (read: I won't really have time for blogging)!

They can eat everything pictured except the beets and the melon - those are their new foods this week.

Beets, yummy! Both Sara and Norah LOVE beets! They are thrilled for Jackson and Tabitha to try them. Not as much of a fan, I'm excited that they are moving on to more vegetables!

Beet greens are supposed to be very healthy. I've never eaten them but waste not want not, I'm going to prepare them for the tomatoes. I'll let you know what I think, hopefully they aren't too bitter.

Beet stems, they are so colorful, aren't they? I think they look like licorice! planning to cook these also, they feel so much like celery.

Now that everything is cleaned and chopped I can start cooking!

Carrots first as they are my favorite.
Mmmm, carrots, yummy! Alright, putting the lid on...

Now I can puree the snap peas I just steamed...
Asking Roger for snap beans I ended up with snap peas. He tries and we aren't going to give him a hard time - okay? At least these were gorgeous snap peas - they looked like edamame! Not really a fan of either myself, we'll see what Jackson and Tabitha think.

I actually threw these in first, planning ahead, but saved their picture for last...
Aww, squash. A few weeks back we had company at our house and I made a squash mix that I called "squashers mash." It had butternut and acorn squash, baked then pureed with nutmeg and cinnamon. It was really tastey. Because it was something new I made a few cubes for the tomatoes even though they'd never had acorn squash. They LOVED IT!! Roger requested I make more, the beets are wrapped up here too, I hope they don't leak beet juice all over!

February 11th...

It has been sixteen years since that miserable February 11th when I was twelve. Still I notice every year and think of him, that one boyfriend that really sticks out.

As an adolescent I was extremely naive and innocent. And I absolutely loved roller skating.  I felt completely relaxed and at home at the roller rink. There I was more social, tough to say because I was such a little social being anyway, and more confident than anywhere else in the world. I loved it. Loved skating forward, backward, twists, jumping, not jumps, just jumping, and music. Even now, those feelings come flooding back. Ahhh, to roller skate every Saturday night like in the old days. 

One such roller skating adventure included a large group of junior high kids. I'm not sure if they were all from my school or not but there were so many kids my age, opposed to other nights when it was a grab bag of kids from ten to seventeen and older. This night I went with my best friend Lola. After a bit of skating for the fun of skating I started to notice those around me. This of course means, I began checking out the opposite sex. Immediately I noticed this guy. Blonde hair, darker at the roots, thin, happy and the kindest blue eyes you've ever seen. I pointed him out to Lola and we agreed he was the cutest guy there. I'm sure he was there with a friend too, but I can't remember his friend being around. It was like in the movies.

Picture it. He's skating in a crowd but there's light around him so he's all you notice. That's how it felt for me the first time I saw Kingsley. I only saw him. And I could only think about him. And then I was skating with him. Holding hands. Couples skate. I don't remember asking him, I don't think Lola asked him for me, but I remember him skating over and offering his hand for the couples skate. I can picture the rink, a large oval, closed around the back left quadrant with three openings around the front. One in the top right quadrant, one in the bottom left quadrant and one in the bottom right where I took Kingsley's hand and began our laps around the rink.

This was magic. Twelve year old magic. I saw. I desired. I received. Perfection to my seventh grade self. 

We talked. I can't remember what we said. We went to the same school. He'd seen me before but never had the courage to talk to me before. He asked me out. With only a little hesitation I said yes. We were going out. Going out has different meanings to different people. For us this meant skating together, exclusively, talking on the phone, writing notes, holding hands in the halls, and planning after school get-togethers that never really promised follow through. We talked of kissing, but that never really happened. Maybe we were getting too close to kissing a few weeks later and that is why I broke up with him. Kingsley was my first boyfriend.

He was crushed and waited by my locker with notes; asking me out over and over. Finally after one especially thoughtful weekend I returned to school hoping he'd ask me again. I saw him during the day, but never mentioned it. Just waited. At the end of that day there was the note, requesting our getting back together. I was thrilled.

Planning to tell him in person the next day, Tuesday, I came to school and looked everywhere. I couldn't find him before school started, not unusual. Knowing I'd pass him in the hall before second hour I went to class. No luck again. Then it was time for second hour, gym. We were on the floor stretching when the loudspeaker came on. 

There had been an accident. Kingsley was gone. He'd been crossing the street, the previous evening, on his bike when the car going 45 mph had hit him. I couldn't believe it was real. He was twelve. Twelve year olds don't die, old people die. How could he be dead?! People get hit by cars all the time, they get hurt, they don't die.

There was a room if we wanted to go and talk or cry or just be around a group of Kingsley's friends. I went to class. 3rd hour, 4th hour, 5th hour and 6th hour. Then I rode the bus home, went to my room and cried. I stayed in there all day, night and the next day. That next evening was his funeral/memorial. My dad took my sister (step sister, one year older, went to the same school and must of filled my parents in on the situation, I know I never did) and me.

We went inside after some hesitancy from me. Moving to the coffin I looked inside, but it didn't look like Kingsley. He'd gotten a very different haircut over the weekend and it had been new on Monday.  Then we left, I wanted to leave. We went home and I cried and cried.

That Friday after school we had our Valentine's Day Dance. Lola and I went but I was still so sad. I can remember just standing there, watching other couples dancing. It was so sad. I was so sad.

Parents have a really tough job. They have to know when to step in and when to step back. In this situation my parents did a great job. I needed to cry until I couldn't cry anymore. 

February 11th. Wow. I can't believe it has been sixteen years. It was hard, but Kingsley's death prepared me for the next two deaths I had to experience, one two months later and the other three years later. 

Boston

Boston is beautiful. I love living in Boston. Honestly. I love the Public Garden, Faneuil Hall, the people, the feel, the Old State House, the weather. I love Boston. Today it is snowing in Boston and I keep thinking of all the gorgeous pictures I could be taking of Jackson and Tabitha if only they lived in Boston. It would beat this endless nap battle I'm sure. But, no Boston for us. Only the house, every day we get closer to the end of RSV season and past this most difficult part of my job. Stuck inside avoiding germs with babies who aren't mobile. Uggh. 

Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate each of your comments. 

Norah says; 

okay, so the question really is... what part does SHE not like? I'm sure I know what part you don't like... but you can only offer advice if there's part that she doesn't like... know what I mean?

My answer has come in the form of my day. A real post and solution rolled into one. 

We've had a horrible napping day today. Two 45ers, yep, do the math, that's four over tired naps. Today they tag-teamed the short, over-tired naps. I know I've said it before 

here, here and here. But it's worth mentioning again, babies that wake at 45 minutes are overtired. It's hard to believe, after today, good gravy, I know. They seem to have too much energy but it's that last ditch effort, the need to give it your all.

I guess a positive spin would be, the more of a fight they put up the more gumption, determination and endurance they possess. If I were a parent and my baby were putting me through the 45-minute-ringer that's what I'd tell myself. 

Anyhow, it has been a very long day. I wanted to go out for a walk after the first short-nap, but it was snowing. After the second one I knew they were so tired we'd all make each other crazy if we stayed in. Of course at this point I wanted to just wait it out, it was almost the end of my day, I'd remembered what I was wearing, light-summer-weight pants, big heavy boots and a tee shirt, and really didn't want to wrestle them into their snowsuits and the stroller.

But I am tough!

Tabitha cried continuously until she was in the stroller. That doesn't sound too bad, but from her bed to the stroller was awful! First a new diaper, then sweater, hat, mittens, snowsuit, down the stairs, dress Jackson, who was spitting up every three to seven seconds, diaper, sweater, mittens, hat, snowsuit, downstairs, (carrying them both together is such a workout now), my coat, hat and boots, down more stairs, set up stroller (remember Tabitha is crying and Jackson keeps needing his face [hat, snowsuit, mittens, etc] wiped), open bundle-mes, finally, insert Tabitha. Crying stops. Buckle Jackson, down more stairs, (man they are heavy!), my gloves on and we're walking. But I was freezing!

After a short walk we do it all in reverse, have a bottle [x2], burp and try the napping thing again. After a few protests both are sleeping and I'm using my few minutes of peace to eat m&ms and blog. Maybe I should breathe before we head into dinner, although after this nap we should be pretty relaxed for the last hour of my day. Then Roger and Sara will be new faces, arms and cuddles (not to mention evening the odds and giving them a 1:1 ratio) and new energy until Jackson and Tabitha get to go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.

Dilemma, looking for feedback

Today I'm having a dilemma. Generally I enjoy reading others' blogs. If I don't enjoy them on a regular basis, I don't read them anymore. Pretty simple and straight-forward system. I like it. It works for me. I'd say there are probably a dozen, or less, that I read regularly. Most folks don't post daily so this isn't a very big list. Any given day I may read up to five blog posts.

This morning one of my favorite blogs posted about their schedule. I LOVE hearing about parents schedules. It's like peaking into windows of houses with the lights on. Or looking through someone's photo album. It is a glimpse into their world.

The background looks like this; her baby, three months old, wakes after 45 minutes - each nap. She goes on to describe his inconsolability and eventual going back to sleep, always with her help.

Here's the dilemma;
⁃ she's not asking for help; she knows that this situation isn't ideal, she just wanted to share   what's going on with her any given day.

⁃ it's going to get harder; he's going to stop going back to sleep and she's expecting twins in a matter of weeks.

⁃ I'm concerned that when the new babies come, everyone will be miserable and IT'S.COMPLETELY.AVOIDABLE
⁃ anything she can do now to improve sleeping habits in her 3 month old and sleeping attitudes in her own mind with benefit her next two babies
⁃ she's a lesbian, I want to help her even more because she's a woman/new mom and I want to see she and her partner not only succeed but thrive and enjoy every minute
⁃ she's a mother and I'm not; this means that if I give unsolicited advice there's a 90% certainty she'll;

1. get annoyed and not hear a word
2. disregard my opinion because I'm not a mother myself
3. block me from reading her blog
4. or, worst of all, move further from healthy sleep habits than she is now

Should I just let it go like a good non-mother should? I'd email her if that were an option, but it isn't. I'm not looking to start some big sleep debate in the comment section of her blog, I'd just like to help. The part that's really eating at me is after she posted all of this, she summarized by saying "it sounds like [baby] sleeps a lot!!!"

Seriously, any feedback, 

constructive, 

would be greatly appreciated.