just a photo . . .

Ei progress

It's been six weeks since we've seen EI. 6! In that time they have made some excellent progress. I'm not exaggerating when I say they were impressed. They were! Both Jackson and Tabitha have improved their sitting. While neither can sit by themselves each can hold the sitting position for about a minute unaided.

The biggest excitement of the visit was Jackson's rocking. The boy loves being on his hands and knees and just rocking back and forth. Being the thoughtful little tomato that he is, he waited until PT put him into that position to show that he could do it. As if to tell her, "I learned what you just taught me!" Norah might have a run for her money there - Jackson seemed smitten!

Tabitha on the other hand, was the opposite of smitten. She wanted nothing to do with PT. She was fussing and cranky throughout the visit and at times down right uncoroperative. It is unclear whether she was having stranger anxiety or just being fussy. She wasn't especially soothed by anyone so I'm voting fussy, especially since it started before EI arrived. She's also yet to show signs of stranger anxiety whereas Jackson has entertained the idea on two or three occasions.

Weighing in are Jackson and Tabitha!

Napping continues to be challenging but after amazing afternoon naps yesterday I'm feeling encouraged. If only the morning nap would fall into line... we're planning to get to bed earlier for the morning nap because they just start thier day overtired. Did happen this morning though because of appointments needing to be kept. RSV shots - two per baby - our second to last of the season. Hooray for Spring!! Jackson weighs in at a beautiful 16 lb 4 oz! He's gained nearly a pound since last month! Good job! Tabitha, solidly on the chart for her actual age, comes in at 18 lb 12 oz! Again, nearly a pound in a month, way to grow!

Both are doing great although Jackson seems to have his first runny nose. Clear and mild, doesn't seem to be bothering him, plus he could be about to get teeth. The boy can't be awake without something on his gums; his finger, a toy, his sister's hand, as long as there's something there he's happy. Last night, after dinner, he wouldn't let me brush his teeth. We've been doing this every evening for the last six weeks or so and they both LOVE it. No matter their mood, they LOVE it. But he was not having it! The funny thing is Tabitha's the drooler. The girl produces as much drool as her brother produces spit up! Speaking of, most recent GI visit has us continuing along the same path, adding third meal, done, and getting ready to start proteins! Hooray!

Side Note: the tulip photos are recent. I took them earlier this week. The blog was too empty and we need to encourage Spring along as much as we can. They were a gift from Norah for Valentine' day. They are from a potted plant and absolutely gorgeous!

Camera Link for Newest Posts

Yes, the camera is there but it isn't linked yet because I need time to upload the photos. Our internet is down at home so I'm doing this as fast as I can. I apologize for the inconvenience.

A reminder to those of you who can't see the photo blog - there's an explanation of this on my profile page.

Back on track - link there-link back! Plus bonus weekend post by Norah, too funny!!! Read it here.

Wednesday:Update

Life here is hard, really tough, when babies don't nap. We're trying to get things consistent enough that there's no starting over every Monday. Getting parents, even intelligent parents, onboard is tough sometimes. Sara can see it one way and Roger another, of course being a third and separate person, I see it another and Norah comes in with an opinion of her own. What we've ended up with is a team of very helpful, invested and determined adults and two very sleepy children.

Change takes time, regularity and persistence. It's been three days and while it's tough now I know it will get better. As much as I love and respect Norah I've asked her to back off a bit because I feel like I'm trying to convince her as much as Roger and Sara when what I need from her is support. Unluckily for me Sara questions much like Norah does and causes me to doubt myself. This doesn't benefit anyone. We flip and flop and end up going in circles. With Norah's support, rather than help, I can remember that I do it this way because it works, and we can all move forward.

It may sound obvious or a little odd, but if your nanny doubts herself you'll doubt her and everything else. It's important for the person in the experienced position to be confident and help those around them feel that confidence until they find their own.

Tuesday:Shadow Play

After some fresh air, Jackson and Tabitha tried a new game: shadow play. Tabitha caught on right away, if she moved, her shadow moved. Jackson was more distracted but eventually noticed and considered his shadow. It was an interesting insight into the mind of nearly nine month olds. I'm looking forward to games we'll play together as they get bigger. Right now our repertoire is limited. We roll the ball back and forth when we have another adult here, we sing or talk back and forth, Jackson is doing his version of "high-5" during bottles and we're drinking out of open cups. Of course it's all very rudimentary but engages their bodies and minds.

Monday:Here we are.

(WARNING: extremely long post, maybe skip to the end, you'll get the gist.)
It's a new week and we're onto our new napping plan. Some of you might not enjoy this post so feel free to leave at any time.

If you give a mouse a cookie...
or
if you explain your expectations...

If you explain your expectations,
kids are going to listen.

When kids listen,
they understand more.

When kids understand more [of the expectations],
they'll know what you want.

When they understand, they'll practice.

Then they'll expect more from you to make sure they know what you want.

When they're sure they understand,
they'll want to practice some more.
They'll probably ask again what you want from them.

When they hear it again,
they'll want to try some more.

They'll start doing what you expect.

They might get carried away and start guessing what you want.
They may even act on these assumptions without your permission.

When you restate the expectations,
they'll probably want to practice again.

You'll have to be patient while they try each part again.

They'll try on the same shoes you showed them before and jump around a bit.

They'll probably ask you for clarification.
So you'll explain to them again what you expect,
and they'll start to practice.

When they've practiced themselves silly,
they'll get so excited to show you they understand.
They'll ask for an opportunity to show you.

They'll do exactly as you expect.

When they've succeeded once,
they'll want to do it again
with you encouraging them.

Then they'll want you to tell everyone.

Which means they'll be hearing again what you expect.

They'll file away what you say
and take time to consider it.

Considering what you expect
will remind them that
they love you.

So...
they'll ask you to explain [your expectations] again.

And chances are
if they ask you to explain again,
they're going to want to practice getting it right.

[When they know how to please you,
they generally will.]

Working with children in different capacities one of the biggest constants is noticing how much more they understand, at all ages, than people think they do. Little bits are smart!

When you run into a frustrating situation with a child, sometimes you can step back and see it from their perspective. If you can truly step back you might realize that you've never actually explained to them what you expect.

Example) When little Madison sees birds she bursts into tears. At home this may seem amusing, surprising, but funny. Without thinking you might laugh or smile. Madison takes this as positive reinforcement of her actions, i.e. see birds = cry.

Next time Madison sees the birds she begins screaming as if being tortured. This time you aren't at home and it isn't funny. You are at the museum and she's scaring the other children. You are embarassed because the birds are outside barely visable and the other parents are staring. Nobody knows Madison sees the birds. It's frustrating to see her screaming and carrying on over birds outside a glass window. You reprimand her. You both feel frustrated. She's confused, last time you encouraged this. Now you are angry? How could she have known?

Going home you let it go. The next day, before you leave the house, you get down to Madison's level. Calmly and slowly you say to Madison,
"Madison the birds aren't going to hurt you. We don't cry when we see the birds."
She looks at you. Thinks about what you said then goes about her world. Later, when you see the birds, she starts to cry and you remind her that we don't cry when we see the birds. She stops. Maybe she sticks close or holds your hand, but she doesn't cry.

This applies to our current napping situation. Meaning we aren't napping and Sara is ready to throw in the towel. But I'm sure if we just tell them what we expect and reinforce what we're looking for, they will get it and all will be well. Man, little tinies are so much easier than these big thinkers! all they want to do is explore their worlds and practice and be out there, but without sleep they won't reach their growth potential, brain potential or keep their nanny - cause I'll lose my mind!

Friday:Rock & Roll

He's rocking regularly back and forth on his knees. Can you believe it? It's AWESOME!! No sitting yet, but preparing to crawl - go big boy, Go!

She's rolling like crazy. Onto her back to check out the world, kick her heels and do what she feels when she feels like doing it! Still just practising the sit, but moving to her own tune! Roll baby Roll!

Roger and Sara have been moving right along as well. Planning activities, keeping things at home in motion and feeling over all on top of things. Hooray for a healthy family!

Next week will likely have some shaking it up symptoms. Naps have been terrible this week ad we're going to make some changes. More on Monday!

Long Day.

Today was a very, very long day. Neither Jackson nor Tabitha felt they should nap longer than 45 minutes at a stretch. Of course this didn't mean they weren't tired, oh no my friend. They were crank-kee! Finally after much patience shown by Sara and I slept about an hour and a half - you wouldn't believe it - they woke up completely different children! It was a much better evening than it had been morning or afternoon. I was glad for that! Sara and I had a long talk about naps and scheduling and expectations and such. It's great to work with someone who 1)appreciates your intelligence, opinion and experience, 2)respects your opinion even if she doesn't agree with it, 3)asks questions about your perspective to try and understand it better, and finally tends to agree with me on most things (that's just a bonus). 

Speaking of bonuses...anybody been clicking on the camera link???

Way to go!

Jackson has gained a pound since his last visit to the specialist! He doesn't need to go back until his birthday!! Hooray for Jackson!!!

Of course there was no napping this morning. Tabitha thought 45 minutes would suffice and Jackson decided 35 was plenty. I don't need to tell you that they were extremely fussy until their next nap when they slept a whopping 2.5 hours!!! Oh yes - they woke up the cutest, snuggliest little tomatoes you've ever seen!! It was a great afternoon! (that is if I leave out the part about Tabitha's new trick, called manipulating adults!!! she focuses on Roger but feels confident enough to put everyone through the wringer!) We even enjoyed some great floor time - have I told you how awesome they are getting with gross motor skills??? Oh wait around, that post is coming!

Babyfood to be cleaned, cooked and cubed (ice cubed)!

Didn't mention it, but I've got a bounty, seriously, of food to cook this week. I should stay pretty busy (read: I won't really have time for blogging)!

They can eat everything pictured except the beets and the melon - those are their new foods this week.

Beets, yummy! Both Sara and Norah LOVE beets! They are thrilled for Jackson and Tabitha to try them. Not as much of a fan, I'm excited that they are moving on to more vegetables!

Beet greens are supposed to be very healthy. I've never eaten them but waste not want not, I'm going to prepare them for the tomatoes. I'll let you know what I think, hopefully they aren't too bitter.

Beet stems, they are so colorful, aren't they? I think they look like licorice! planning to cook these also, they feel so much like celery.

Now that everything is cleaned and chopped I can start cooking!

Carrots first as they are my favorite.
Mmmm, carrots, yummy! Alright, putting the lid on...

Now I can puree the snap peas I just steamed...
Asking Roger for snap beans I ended up with snap peas. He tries and we aren't going to give him a hard time - okay? At least these were gorgeous snap peas - they looked like edamame! Not really a fan of either myself, we'll see what Jackson and Tabitha think.

I actually threw these in first, planning ahead, but saved their picture for last...
Aww, squash. A few weeks back we had company at our house and I made a squash mix that I called "squashers mash." It had butternut and acorn squash, baked then pureed with nutmeg and cinnamon. It was really tastey. Because it was something new I made a few cubes for the tomatoes even though they'd never had acorn squash. They LOVED IT!! Roger requested I make more, the beets are wrapped up here too, I hope they don't leak beet juice all over!

February 11th...

It has been sixteen years since that miserable February 11th when I was twelve. Still I notice every year and think of him, that one boyfriend that really sticks out.

As an adolescent I was extremely naive and innocent. And I absolutely loved roller skating.  I felt completely relaxed and at home at the roller rink. There I was more social, tough to say because I was such a little social being anyway, and more confident than anywhere else in the world. I loved it. Loved skating forward, backward, twists, jumping, not jumps, just jumping, and music. Even now, those feelings come flooding back. Ahhh, to roller skate every Saturday night like in the old days. 

One such roller skating adventure included a large group of junior high kids. I'm not sure if they were all from my school or not but there were so many kids my age, opposed to other nights when it was a grab bag of kids from ten to seventeen and older. This night I went with my best friend Lola. After a bit of skating for the fun of skating I started to notice those around me. This of course means, I began checking out the opposite sex. Immediately I noticed this guy. Blonde hair, darker at the roots, thin, happy and the kindest blue eyes you've ever seen. I pointed him out to Lola and we agreed he was the cutest guy there. I'm sure he was there with a friend too, but I can't remember his friend being around. It was like in the movies.

Picture it. He's skating in a crowd but there's light around him so he's all you notice. That's how it felt for me the first time I saw Kingsley. I only saw him. And I could only think about him. And then I was skating with him. Holding hands. Couples skate. I don't remember asking him, I don't think Lola asked him for me, but I remember him skating over and offering his hand for the couples skate. I can picture the rink, a large oval, closed around the back left quadrant with three openings around the front. One in the top right quadrant, one in the bottom left quadrant and one in the bottom right where I took Kingsley's hand and began our laps around the rink.

This was magic. Twelve year old magic. I saw. I desired. I received. Perfection to my seventh grade self. 

We talked. I can't remember what we said. We went to the same school. He'd seen me before but never had the courage to talk to me before. He asked me out. With only a little hesitation I said yes. We were going out. Going out has different meanings to different people. For us this meant skating together, exclusively, talking on the phone, writing notes, holding hands in the halls, and planning after school get-togethers that never really promised follow through. We talked of kissing, but that never really happened. Maybe we were getting too close to kissing a few weeks later and that is why I broke up with him. Kingsley was my first boyfriend.

He was crushed and waited by my locker with notes; asking me out over and over. Finally after one especially thoughtful weekend I returned to school hoping he'd ask me again. I saw him during the day, but never mentioned it. Just waited. At the end of that day there was the note, requesting our getting back together. I was thrilled.

Planning to tell him in person the next day, Tuesday, I came to school and looked everywhere. I couldn't find him before school started, not unusual. Knowing I'd pass him in the hall before second hour I went to class. No luck again. Then it was time for second hour, gym. We were on the floor stretching when the loudspeaker came on. 

There had been an accident. Kingsley was gone. He'd been crossing the street, the previous evening, on his bike when the car going 45 mph had hit him. I couldn't believe it was real. He was twelve. Twelve year olds don't die, old people die. How could he be dead?! People get hit by cars all the time, they get hurt, they don't die.

There was a room if we wanted to go and talk or cry or just be around a group of Kingsley's friends. I went to class. 3rd hour, 4th hour, 5th hour and 6th hour. Then I rode the bus home, went to my room and cried. I stayed in there all day, night and the next day. That next evening was his funeral/memorial. My dad took my sister (step sister, one year older, went to the same school and must of filled my parents in on the situation, I know I never did) and me.

We went inside after some hesitancy from me. Moving to the coffin I looked inside, but it didn't look like Kingsley. He'd gotten a very different haircut over the weekend and it had been new on Monday.  Then we left, I wanted to leave. We went home and I cried and cried.

That Friday after school we had our Valentine's Day Dance. Lola and I went but I was still so sad. I can remember just standing there, watching other couples dancing. It was so sad. I was so sad.

Parents have a really tough job. They have to know when to step in and when to step back. In this situation my parents did a great job. I needed to cry until I couldn't cry anymore. 

February 11th. Wow. I can't believe it has been sixteen years. It was hard, but Kingsley's death prepared me for the next two deaths I had to experience, one two months later and the other three years later. 

Boston

Boston is beautiful. I love living in Boston. Honestly. I love the Public Garden, Faneuil Hall, the people, the feel, the Old State House, the weather. I love Boston. Today it is snowing in Boston and I keep thinking of all the gorgeous pictures I could be taking of Jackson and Tabitha if only they lived in Boston. It would beat this endless nap battle I'm sure. But, no Boston for us. Only the house, every day we get closer to the end of RSV season and past this most difficult part of my job. Stuck inside avoiding germs with babies who aren't mobile. Uggh. 

Back to Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate each of your comments. 

Norah says; 

okay, so the question really is... what part does SHE not like? I'm sure I know what part you don't like... but you can only offer advice if there's part that she doesn't like... know what I mean?

My answer has come in the form of my day. A real post and solution rolled into one. 

We've had a horrible napping day today. Two 45ers, yep, do the math, that's four over tired naps. Today they tag-teamed the short, over-tired naps. I know I've said it before 

here, here and here. But it's worth mentioning again, babies that wake at 45 minutes are overtired. It's hard to believe, after today, good gravy, I know. They seem to have too much energy but it's that last ditch effort, the need to give it your all.

I guess a positive spin would be, the more of a fight they put up the more gumption, determination and endurance they possess. If I were a parent and my baby were putting me through the 45-minute-ringer that's what I'd tell myself. 

Anyhow, it has been a very long day. I wanted to go out for a walk after the first short-nap, but it was snowing. After the second one I knew they were so tired we'd all make each other crazy if we stayed in. Of course at this point I wanted to just wait it out, it was almost the end of my day, I'd remembered what I was wearing, light-summer-weight pants, big heavy boots and a tee shirt, and really didn't want to wrestle them into their snowsuits and the stroller.

But I am tough!

Tabitha cried continuously until she was in the stroller. That doesn't sound too bad, but from her bed to the stroller was awful! First a new diaper, then sweater, hat, mittens, snowsuit, down the stairs, dress Jackson, who was spitting up every three to seven seconds, diaper, sweater, mittens, hat, snowsuit, downstairs, (carrying them both together is such a workout now), my coat, hat and boots, down more stairs, set up stroller (remember Tabitha is crying and Jackson keeps needing his face [hat, snowsuit, mittens, etc] wiped), open bundle-mes, finally, insert Tabitha. Crying stops. Buckle Jackson, down more stairs, (man they are heavy!), my gloves on and we're walking. But I was freezing!

After a short walk we do it all in reverse, have a bottle [x2], burp and try the napping thing again. After a few protests both are sleeping and I'm using my few minutes of peace to eat m&ms and blog. Maybe I should breathe before we head into dinner, although after this nap we should be pretty relaxed for the last hour of my day. Then Roger and Sara will be new faces, arms and cuddles (not to mention evening the odds and giving them a 1:1 ratio) and new energy until Jackson and Tabitha get to go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day.

Dilemma, looking for feedback

Today I'm having a dilemma. Generally I enjoy reading others' blogs. If I don't enjoy them on a regular basis, I don't read them anymore. Pretty simple and straight-forward system. I like it. It works for me. I'd say there are probably a dozen, or less, that I read regularly. Most folks don't post daily so this isn't a very big list. Any given day I may read up to five blog posts.

This morning one of my favorite blogs posted about their schedule. I LOVE hearing about parents schedules. It's like peaking into windows of houses with the lights on. Or looking through someone's photo album. It is a glimpse into their world.

The background looks like this; her baby, three months old, wakes after 45 minutes - each nap. She goes on to describe his inconsolability and eventual going back to sleep, always with her help.

Here's the dilemma;
⁃ she's not asking for help; she knows that this situation isn't ideal, she just wanted to share   what's going on with her any given day.

⁃ it's going to get harder; he's going to stop going back to sleep and she's expecting twins in a matter of weeks.

⁃ I'm concerned that when the new babies come, everyone will be miserable and IT'S.COMPLETELY.AVOIDABLE
⁃ anything she can do now to improve sleeping habits in her 3 month old and sleeping attitudes in her own mind with benefit her next two babies
⁃ she's a lesbian, I want to help her even more because she's a woman/new mom and I want to see she and her partner not only succeed but thrive and enjoy every minute
⁃ she's a mother and I'm not; this means that if I give unsolicited advice there's a 90% certainty she'll;

1. get annoyed and not hear a word
2. disregard my opinion because I'm not a mother myself
3. block me from reading her blog
4. or, worst of all, move further from healthy sleep habits than she is now

Should I just let it go like a good non-mother should? I'd email her if that were an option, but it isn't. I'm not looking to start some big sleep debate in the comment section of her blog, I'd just like to help. The part that's really eating at me is after she posted all of this, she summarized by saying "it sounds like [baby] sleeps a lot!!!"

Seriously, any feedback, 

constructive, 

would be greatly appreciated.

Reflux Theory.

Alright, I'm not going to make any friends with this post, but so far, despite any efforts on my part, I've made few friends with my opinions. This blog is not for anyone else. It is for me. To chronical my days, help me make better sense of my experiences and if it can help others BONUS. If it make you angry then it is your choice not to read it. 

Reflux.

Over the last five years I've encountered 500x more reflux than I did during my first five years of nannying. This makes sense as reflux cases are on the rise. There are literally more cases of reflux now than there were ten years ago. 

Right now, I'm taking care of twins, Jackson and Tabitha. Both born at 25 weeks, both the same size at birth and both adorable. Only one has reflux. Jackson spits a lot.  Tabitha spits the normal amount but it never affects her eating, attitude or growth. Jackson is smaller because of the amount that comes back out. He has trouble with some feedings and at time refuses to eat at all. 

This was also the case with Madison and Addison. Little Miss Madison is tiny, she spit a lot and ate significantly less. Food was always an issue with her, bottles were a struggle and weight gain was slow.

Before them there were another set of twins, just like Jackson and Tabitha, where the little guy had pretty bad reflux. A set of identical twins that also had tough reflux without the weight gain issues. And a sibling pair, not twins, Ethan and Ava who both seemed to suffer from reflux.

Of course after seven children with reflux issues, all different gestations, locations, different people, I've seen similarities. I see one particular stereotype with Jackson regularly. I've verbalized this to Roger and Sara to be poo-poo'd and have it forgotten/disregarded. Yesterday though, it was pretty blatant.

The more tired Jackson becomes, the more he spits. I've noticed this on many occasions. Roger believes the spitting comes from quantity, position, activity, excitement, many other things, but that it isn't predictable and/or avoidable. Because Roger is Jackson's father, we get to go with his theories first, always. Fine. I'm a rather patient person.

About a month ago, Jackson was spitting quite a bit. He was also overtired and having trouble sleeping regular, long periods. But don't think about that, his numbers were up. For me he was taking 220 - 240 mL. Roger decided, convinced Sara, this was the problem. They told me to cut Jackson off at 200 mL. Above that was just too much for him. I did and the spitting continued. Because my theory was just that, we continued limiting Jackson's bottles to 200 mL. After two weeks he visited the pediatrician who said that he wasn't getting enough total volume for the day. We needed to increase his over-all quantity. Sara thought about it and decided the only way we could do that would be to let him eat as much as he wanted at each bottle. About a week ago I was allowed to increase his per bottle volume again.

Surprisingly enough, his spitting didn't increase. But on the nights it was huge, he was really tired. Now, the original decision to limit his volume was based on this late evening spitting. Just a side note. There were no large spits during the day when he was well-rested. 

Alright, now you have the background.

Yesterday Jackson decided that I needed to know when he was ready for bed. Apparently I hadn't been responsive enough on his schedule. After his breakfast he played for a few minutes then let out this terrible screaming-cry. It was awful! I told him it was too early for bed and tried to distract him. He wasn't having it. After almost five minutes of trying, I gave up. This cry was truly awful. I took him to bed. He was asleep within seconds and slept for almost two hours, rather unheard of for this morning nap. 

He woke up, hung out, played, got annoyed, but didn't use that painful cry again. He ate his lunch, played more and BAM! there it was again! So, so awful. I looked at the clock, figured this was late enough and put him to bed. Exactly as before, he snuggled in and went to sleep immediately without complaint. 

He slept another two hors and forty five minutes! While a long nap isn't out of the ordinary for my tomatoes, two long naps, right after each other, are. Jackson woke up happy, relaxed and calm. We had a great time playing. He ate and played for another fifty minutes. 

Of course after two amazing naps he was hungry. He took 240 mL twice, also unheard of for our little dude. But no spits. Even dry burps. I'm not sure if you know anyone with reflux, but dry burps and spit-free post bottle sessions are pretty rare. Then, at five o'clock, he did the screamy-cry. It was so bad! But it was five, too late for a nap. I told him, apologized, but I couldn't put him to bed, it was too late. 

Then, it happened. And happened. And happened. He spit and spit and spit. He'd eaten an hour before and hadn't spit at all, but as soon as he'd become over tired, he started spitting. The spitting continued the rest of the night, well, it had lessened just before I left, but it's likely it continued after I left. He took a bath and fell asleep almost immediately. He was so tired.

Ethan, my other little guy with terrible reflux, never slept. Seriously. This little boy broke his leg as a young toddler and spends most of his life sick. He never sleeps. His diet was outstanding but his growth slow and stunted. He was breastfed well into his first year, actually he was closer to two when his mom weaned him, and fed on demand. But he had the worst case of reflux. Then his sister, also breastfed, had trouble with reflux too. 

From my experience, reflux increases as sleep decreases. As the number of average reflux cases has increased the average amount of sleep has decreased. 

Obviously just having a good sleeper doesn't keep your kid from having reflux, but my best sleepers have had the least trouble with reflux. Sleep increases their growth potential, increases mental health and stability, improves their appetites, refreshes and rejuvenates their bodies, improves and increases their attention spans and brain power plus allows their bodies time to just be, what's wrong with just trying?

Photo Blog Inquiries

For those of you who have asked;
I have added your names to my calendar. If you are visible on this blog, comments, emails, etc, over the next six to eight weeks, then I will invite you to view my photo blog. IMPORTANT: I need a valid email address in order to invite you.

For those of you already able to view the photo blog:
I, alright, Norah has fixed the link. You can now click right on the image and be taken to the relevant photo post.

If you prefer to check the photo blog first, it links back to relevant posts on this blog.

Mursday

Yep, it's true. I had to do it. I've created a new weekday name, couldn't help myself. It fits perfectly.

This morning was tough, super tough. It was a Monday morning. Cranky, yelling babies, short naps, over-tired fuss-pots who weren't pleased with anything. Of course we just had to deal, so I pushed their bottle a little later and took them for a walk. Both fell asleep immediately and slept soundly the duration of our walk.

Still tired and hungry when they woke up, we plodded through the feeding and off the little tomatoes went for their second naps of the day. After some strong and loud protests both were sound asleep.

And BAM! it became like a Thursday afternoon. 

Both took beautiful naps and woke up in the best moods. 

Better yet, they woke up 25 minutes apart so I actually had the opportunity to enjoy their awesome moods with some relaxed one-on-one. Giggles, smiles and cuteness prevailed and the afternoon was wonderful.

My first Mursday, I love it.

Unconditional Love

Recently, while reading a book on meditation, I came across this idea of unconditional love. Obviously this wasn't the first time I'd encountered the idea, but this author, Lewis, spoke of unconditional love in regards to the parent-child relationship. I'd think this was a given. A parent loves their child unconditionally. A child loves their parent unconditionally. Right? It's just the nature of this type of relationship, isn't it?

Thinking so I read past this and onto the next chapter never realizing how deeply the idea of conditional love bothered me. It started surfacing in random, seemingly unconnected, ways. Yesterday I didn't blog because I'd started thinking about my family. My mother to be exact. I responded proactively and delved into the feelings and frustrations head first. I'd forgotten all about unconditional love. After taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, I let many of the feeling dissipate and I relaxed. Then, out of the blue, it struck again. I talked with Norah about it and went to bed feeling relaxed and finished, or at least okay with the course of action I'd begun.

This week has been wrought with short naps and cranky babies. It's just been off. there isn't anything wrong with them, not teething yet, no milestones in the works, no gas, sickness or other such catalyst of fuss. Because of this increase in crying and decrease in sleep, I've had very little time to actually think during the day. I do take time for myself, I eat, use the toilet, check my email, sit still with the babies, but I really haven't been able to think. 

There are many who believe that because I let babies cry sometimes I'm immune to it. Or because I've nannied for so long I've built up a tolerance to the effects of crying. It isn't true. I tell my parents that, "If I can't deal with the crying, how can you?" I'm a role model, whether I like it or not. When things happen, I need to model calm. Parents look to me for direction and guidance, if I'm an emotional roller coaster, how will that effect them? Would you trust me if I cried each time your baby cried? If I jumped up and screamed each time they choked? What if I did something different every . single . time . they . cried ? You'd never trust me, have confidence in my abilities, theories and experience. 

But, being honest, I hate it when babies cry. Make it two babies and it's even worse. I can't think. I can keep them safe, I can act based on experience and practice, but I can't relax and let my mind wander. It kills me. 

All of this in mind, let's return to unconditional love. 

Both tomatoes are sleeping peacefully at the moment. I checked email then took a minute to sit still and look out of the window. Immediately my mind began to wander back to that idea of unconditional love. Let me tell you what I read. 

"Ordinary love is rooted in desire and satisfaction... Most love in the world is conditional and requires love in return. But true unconditional love requires nothing in return..."

Are you ready for this?!

"Love between a parent and child is the next [after that between spouses] most conditional relationship: I will love you and take care of you, but you in turn must love me and respect me and do what I tell you to do; you must receive gratefully all the love I give you, all the education and opportunities I bestow upon you, and you must perform and become a respectable young lady or gentleman in return."

Whoa. 

But this is stuck in my head. What have I seen to contradict this? I haven't. In my life I've seen many, many things to support this. I'm going to keep looking, keep thinking about this and I know that there are parents [somewhere] out there who love their children unconditionally. I would tell you this is true of Roger and Sara, but I'm not sure if it is in regards to Jackson. They have very, very high expectations of him. I'm not faulting them, not in any way, I'm just stating what I see. Parents should have expectations as far as I'm concerned, they should be high. But this needs to be coupled with love, understanding, space and support. I can see Sara being that way with both Jackson and Tabitha long term. I don't know about Roger.  That doesn't mean he should change or that I think he lacks something but that I need to continue searching for parents who love their children unconditionally. 

Give Blood

This time of the year blood donation is low. If you can give, please do. On a more personal note, Clover shares her story...

On September 18th, 2005, I gave birth at 31 weeks to Madison, weighing in at 2 ½ lbs., and Addison, weighing in at 3 ½ lbs.
I had been on strict bed rest for 2 ½ weeks prior, knew I was going to give birth soon and that the kids were going to be in the hospital for a while – but no matter how much I prepared myself, I could never anticipate what was to come.

I gave birth at the Hospital and was very lucky that both children were able to stay at their Special Care Nursery and did not have to be transferred to a higher level NICU as planned. No respirators were required; our kids were small and just needed to grow.

Every day the doctor updated us on the tests they ran and what they looked for. One specific test was to check each baby's hematocrit levels weekly. They explained that hematocrit levels were expected to drop every week until week 37 and then rise again. When a baby is in the womb, hematocrit levels going down and then up is no danger –out of the womb is a different story.

Both Madison and Addison's hematocrit levels were going down as expected, but because Madison was so tiny to begin with, economies of scale were not in her favor. The doctor told us that Madison's levels were going to reach a dangerous level before she reached 37 weeks and that they'd like her to have a blood transfusion.

A blood transfusion? My husband and I are far from medical experts and to this point I wasn't into reading books on twin pregnancy or what to expect because honestly, it was scary. What was going to happen was going to happen. I had no idea that this occurred in low birth weight babies and though it is more common than one would expect, it's still a scary process.

Thank goodness the blood transfusion was a success and we were lucky that she did not need any more transfusions. We were in great hands and to this day I am so thankful to all the doctors and nurses who were there for us and to modern medicine in general.

I wanted to give back however I could. It was someone's volunteered blood that literally saved my daughter's life. And you know what? After speaking to many other moms in our group who gave birth to premature low birth weight twins, I learned that some mothers had to experience each baby having five or six blood transfusions. Imagine that: 10-12 pints of blood per set of twins.

The first and last time I gave blood was in the early nineties and that was for my own surgery. I remember how lethargic I felt and how it took me a full day to recoup. I never wanted to attempt to do that again and risk feeling that way until I saw my daughter lying on that bed with all those tubes.

There are people who can give that don't for whatever reason, I used to be one of those people. My twins are now more than 2 years old and I've donated several pints thus far, feel just fine after I give, and try to give whenever possible. However, I only can give so much. Therefore, I am asking you to join me in donating blood this winter.