Laverne & Shirley

Auntie Laverne is the auntie who filled in a pair of hands while I finished my last position just after the tomatoes came home from the NICU. Tabitha came home a week earlier than Jackson. She had a great time, loves the babies very much and is willing to do anything to help out. She is very, very sweet. At home she is studying in undergrad, she has completed two semesters so far. This semester there has been a lot of frustration because administration is debating salaries, contracts and the like. It has been so bad that Aunt Laverne hasn't even begun her semester! She very much likes school and speaks so well. I think she should transfer what she's done so far and move here to finish. I found out yesterday, from her, that her brother, Roger, agrees.

Maybe she hesitates because she has a boyfriend at home. She's suggested her hesitation is related to other concerns. She loves these babies so much and is a very bright girl. There could be many benefits to her moving here. The tomatoes don't have any family here other than their parents. Everyone is a plane ride away. She could see them every day, help out and have more options. In her school system if she makes less than an A- she is unable to go into a specific program in graduate school. Undergrad, she has to get at least a 90. Right now she's earning a solid B, 83 average I think. And her home is a very, very angry place.

On the tomato front, I've taken comparison pictures. First was taken just before auntie left in August. The bottom one I just took this morning. On the top Tabitha is on the left, on the bottom she's on the right. I singled her out because she was pretty fussy this morning and not her usual smiley self. She wanted to eat and she wanted to eat right then!

They've both grown so much. Both of them really look like they could be six months old. Which is great since right around Christmas they will both be seven months old, really, really doing so well.

The GI told Roger and Sara to keep Jackson on the same medicine unless they'd like to stop the myl@nt@ because it's such a low dose it's probably not making a difference. We're trying that today. But he gained 8oz in two weeks and seems to be doing better. I've been encouraging Auntie Laverne and Auntie Shirley to feed both babies as much as possible. Roger and Sara aren't encouraging Auntie Shirley to help as much as they do Aunt Laverne, but they don't seem to mind that I do. I think it's tough for Roger because she's his youngest sister and he still sees her as very little. When Sara is here she doesn't seem to mind at all.

All in all things here are good. Chilly, but good. I'll have more pictures to post very soon, I took some great photos the first night of Chanukah and yesterday they were even more adorable than usual.

Recap & Appreciation

I've really appreciated this bit of excitement on my blog.

My daily viewers have more than quadrupled (to about 400% the activity!), something I couldn't figure out how to do, opened different avenues and given me opportunities I wouldn't have had otherwise.
More than anything it has increased my dedication to this endeavor.

Oddly enough it has also brought in more than a few job offers from other preemie parents.

Thank you Aimee and Bree, you've really started something great here for me!

Chanukah #1

Tonight is the very first night of my little tomatoes very first Chanukah! They are so adorable!

Yesterday was very exhausting. On Friday their two aunties arrived. Jackson and Tabitha had four adults jumping, fawning and responding to their every breath for two full days before I arrived to spend a very long Monday with them. Exhausting doesn't begin to cover it. But I made it and went to bed last night as soon as I possibly could. Today I'm back, rested and looking forward to his Menorah lighting tonight. Norah is going to join us and we'll all, eight of us, light the first candle together.

The tomatoes are doing well. Tabitha is all about the smiles, her cheeks seem to have grown even more over the weekend. And I think her nose is changing. I'm very excited, I love a nise with character (probably because I've never had one, just these teeny button nose). Jackson eats when he wants to and not otherwise. Roger and Sara have freaked the aunties out about feeding him just like they did with grandmommie when she was here. I think that is silly. No one person gets him to eat every single time, he eats when he wants to eat. This morning I convinced one auntie to give it a go and he did fine. Of course she did fine, it's just giving a baby a bottle. He goes to see the GI for a follow up tomorrow.

Tummy time yesterday was terrible. They both screamed as if they were being tortured. It was painful.

Getting through Tuesday the best I can. It's pretty rough too.
Hope everyone else is doing better than I am!

Overripe Tomatoes

The tomatoes are feeling rough today. They had a long night and each hit temps over 101 degrees. They are sleepy, full and working on lowering their fevers. Jackson is down to 99, great because he hit 100 before Tabitha yesterday and Tabitha is closing in on 100. They've both had Tylen0l and hopefully sleep well.

Until this morning they were both eating well and taking regular naps, despite the temperatures and shot soreness. Then Jackson decided he was too tired to eat and only took 120mL for breakfast. I hope he wakes hungry and eats a better lunch. Five shots is a lot for any baby to handle. One of their shots was for flu prevention. It is likely the one causing so much trouble. A baby has to have two flu shots the first time, 30 days apart. They won't give a baby under six months old the flu shot. While my kiddies are [just] six months old [actual] they are a lot younger than most six month olds because they missed three months. I'm not sure their little bodies are handling it very well. When we first met with the pediatrician he said he wasn't sure they should have it at six months. I was surprised when he scheduled it for yesterday.

Six Month Pediatrician Visit

Charts!! I made charts because Jackson and Tabitha are doing so well! The dark line that archs across most percentile charts is the 50th percentile. Tabitha is just above it and Jackson is just below.

Jackson and Tabitha had their 6 month well-baby visits this morning. They did great jobs according toRoger and Sara. Jackson was Mr Smiles and Tabitha really enjoyed the glucose her pediatrician shared, lucky Tabitha. They have both grown and each had five shots!! Those poor little thighs!

Above are their weight for length charts based on US babies under three years. We could look at age to weight, age to length, etc, but none o it matters because they were three months early. Thus we're comparing their weight to height ratios. I'll try to pull up a comparison to other kids their age or you can just go here.

Now, specifics; both babies are six months old,
Tabitha is 24 3/4" long & 14lb 10oz.
She gained 13oz in two weeks and grew 3/4" in one month.
Jackson is 24 1/4" long & 12lb 14oz.
He gained 14oz in two weeks and grew 1 1/4" in one month.

28November2007

Today has been a tad exhausting, but good. Jackson and Tabitha are really improving their strength, stamina and enjoyment of/during tummy time. It is very exciting and makes me proud of our effort.

Jackson's eating has really improved for me. Today's bottles were 220mL and 210mL! We still have snack to go, but I'm feeling good about it. And Tabitha seems to have found a balance. She isn't just eating everything she's offered which I think is very good.

Tomorrow morning they are off to be weighed, checked out and vaccinated. Lucky little tomatoes, I hope it isn't too bad.

I'll post tomorrow and let you know about weights, lengths and everything.

Farm Animals, except Tiger

Realized this morning that I have a bit of a nickname problem. Jackson and Tabitha have been nicknamed the tomatoes. Madison and Addison were the chickens, I'm not sure where all of these farm nicknames come from, it's never been the case before that there are such similarities although there have always been nicknames.

Jackson seems to be doing well with the new medicine. He's definitely eating more for his parents but there's still a big discrepancy between their amounts and mine. Yesterday we did 215mL, 210mL and 200mL (I helped with the bedtime bottle and he slept through snack). Today we did 205mL, 200mL and 70mL (snack). Aside from his increase in spit ups, frequency not volume, he's doing great from my perspective. On Thursday he'll go to his pediatrician and be weighed, the real test is weight gain. Pray he's had some.

Tabitha eats like a champ. Today I introduced her to the idea of eating in an upright position. Eating is something she loves and she's less than enthusiastic about sitting upright. She did a pretty good job. She didn't freak out and get annoyed at all. She did get tired quickly though. She lasted about 4-6 minutes, not terrible, actually pretty impressive for her as she tends to be a bit lazy when it comes to gross motor skills, whereas her brother is a lazy eater.

Socially Jackson is amazing. He chats and jabbers like crazy. Tabitha is a bit quieter but will return smiles with huge smiles of her own. Jackson initiates smiles and contemplates you a bit before returning them. They are both great with eye contact, tracking and response to sound.

Since the PT (physical therapist) came I've been trying to increase the frequency of tummy time. We're up to a minimum of three times each, per day. Yesterday we hit five opportunities and today there were for chances for tummy time. Duration s still a huge challenge. A four minute stretch is worth cheering about. More often than not each attempt is 1-3 minutes max. They are both getting stronger and I'm very proud of them.

The big news for today though - I think Tabitha chuckled yesterday! Just once, short, but perfectly adorable and awesome! I was tickling her on her chest, below her chin but not under it. She was so adorable! And - as if this wasn't enough - she passed a toy from her left hand to her right hand!! She was lying on her back and the toy was attached to the gymini above her head but with enough links to hang to the floor, and she put two hands on it then passed it!! Go Tabitha!! She tried to do it the other direction, right to left, but couldn't get it, dropped it on her chest then picked it up with the other hand. This is huge for us!!

Back to Work

Today I'm back to work after a lovely Thanksgiving vacation. It was such a lovely weekend I wasn't sure I wanted to return to work this morning. We had family to our house, saw Irving Berlin's White Christmas, went to church, made our Advent wreath and bought our Christmas tree. Really, really great weekend.

On Friday the GI told Roger and Sara to putJackson on pr.losec 2xday, no more Z@nt@c, and myl@nt@ the bottles that he isn't having pr.losec. They are going back for a follow up next week. This week they'll visit the pediatrician for more shots.

Had the talk this morning with Roger and Sara. They'd finally talked about winter between the two of them and were ready to talk about their ideas with me. Silly, silly conversation, as if I've never taken care of a baby in the New England cold before. Hello! I've been doing it for nearly seven years whereas they've lived here for almost four?! So exhausting! We're on a trial period until Christmas and then we'll see how things are going again.

Tomatoes are hungry - later!

EI & GI

Yesterday we had our first snow of the season. It was dense and beautiful. Sadly it turned to rainy-slush later and we had absolutely no accumulation. I'm hoping for loads of beautiful, dry snow this season. I love it's beautiful white winterness and the way it blankets the city. When it's really packed in and you have to drive very slow I love how it feels like we're all driving on carpet. It's as if we're closer to one-another, sharing this weird inside-like driving experience.

Because it was the tomatoes first ever snow experience I tried to show them what it looked like coming down through the window. Later, while they napped, I made paper snowflakes and we had a photoshoot in the afternoon. Not too bad for a first attempt.

In real news, EI (Early Intervention) came this morning. Our regular gal brought a physical therapist with her to evaluate the babies. Tabitha does this back arch thing that was a bit concerning. She's also strongly against tummy time and trails behind her brother in the gross motor department. PT (Physical Therapist) said that Tabitha looks great. She isn't in the same place as Jackson but there's no need to worry. She's developing along a normal continuum and doing great. She needs more opportunities to play on the floor and as much tummy time as we can give her. We'd started using the jumpy as another form of core conditioning. I thought it could give them a place to work on their core muscles that was different from the floor. But the PT says we should wait because it puts weight on their hips before they are ready for it. So it's floor, floor, floor from here on out!

We talked about specifics, this helps me get an idea. Right now we are doing three minutes of tummy time at least once a day. PT says we should make putting them down on their tummies our default. If they need to turn over, fine, but ALWAYS start on tummy. And I should aim for three 3min tummy time sessions each day. Working up to longer than three minutes as soon as possible. Okay! We can do this! Being on their backs on the floor is helpful as well. So bye-bye babyholders!

As far as feeding is concerned, Jackson is off with Roger and Sara at the GI specialist right now. I'll know more when they return. But the behavioral side, from my perspective, is improving. Yesterday he finished all three bottles I offered him. One was actually offered by Norah and even though it wasn't me, he had no trouble at all. He seems to be doing well for me and okay for Roger and Sara. I'm assuming the GI will put him on another medicine because he won't find anything. So far he's only on Z@nt@c, it is the first course of action for babies with reflux. It also has the least side effects. I think the next step is to add pr.losec, I think. This is stronger and could possibly effect his development. We'll see how it goes. Last time he was in to the GI, a different one, they did an ultrasound and lots of tests. At least they'll have a baseline for comparison.

We're hosting Thanksgiving at our house tomorrow and I'm off Friday. You'll have to wait until Monday for the GI outcome unless I get some bonus free time this afternoon. I'm not imaging that I will because Jackson is going to come home exhausted, with Roger and Sara here he'll need lots of extra help to get any sleep at all once he's home. And I don't think he finished this bottle for them so add hunger and frustration and you've got one busy Samara! Roger and Sara also planned to revisit this going outside in the winter discussion so posting today seems very, very unlikely.

Looking for feedback

Talked with Roger and Sara last night. Stressful and stalemated. Not interested in going into that now. I'm actually looking for some feedback today. Norah thinks I should consider writing a book. She asked me to make a list of twelve topics or chapter headings that I think would be important to include. I've made a list and I'd really appreciate your feedback.
1. sleep
2. play
3. awake periods
4. routines
5. stimulation
6. hygene
7. schedule
8. development
9. photography/documentation
10. germs
11. walks/outdoors
12. eating

Why am I a nanny?

Nannying is something I generally enjoy. I love babies and children. Working with parents can be challenging. Keeping busy, time management, daytime flexibility, independent thought, guidence, direction, getting a lot done in a short period, these are all enjoyable for me and things my job includes on a daily basis. It also includes meltdowns, making formula and changing dirty diapers. The good with the bad I really, really like being a nanny. I have been doing this for nearly a decade, I have met wonderful people and learned something from nearly every family I've worked with. During this decade there have been ups and downs and more than sixty children between Noarh and me. Of those sixty we had a dozen in our wedding two years ago, that was one of the major highs of being a nanny. Leaving a position because mom had gotten so used to my being there that when I was gone the baby nearly suffocated was one of the extreme lows.

In every position there are good days and bad days. This is true with life. Not every day can be fun, easy and great. But it seems that with my current position I'm having more bad days, with Roger and Sara, than good. I'm wondering if this is a good fit. I find it very frustrating to be questioned at every turn, on the other hand I'm glad to see involved parents that think about what is going on with their children. Generally, I'm a tolerant and patient person. I've been very flexible with my ideas and willing to try theirs, despite their lack of experience, knowledge or forethought. In the end my ideas are the ones that work, but with each new situation comes this compromise period that is exhausting me on a regular basis it seems.

Today I feel like a teapot that just needs to whistle incessantly. I'm so frustrated.
I live in New England. It is November. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that it is probably cold outside. And likely going to get colder. It is only November. Traditionally November gets chilly but January, February and March are cold. It is 35 degrees outside. Chilly but not freezing. I was outside for forty minutes this morning for my commute.
Roger and Sara come from a warm climate. They have been here for four years. They know it gets cold here, their house it a bit ovenlike. Fine. I adapt. I had them buy nice warm fleece snowsuits for the tomatoes. They have hats and bundle-me's. So when Roger calls because he has been outside for ten minutes to say,
"Don't take the tomatoes out today."
My response is less than positive.*
*How about a little background here. These tomatoes are little, almost three months adjusted or actually almost six months. They enjoy their sleep and get cranky whe they don't get enough. During the day they can generally handle 1-1.5 hour awake times. While they can snooze in their stroller for 20 minutes they generally don't sleep longer than that in it. In the car they complain, not sleep. An average day they take three naps, #1:1.5-3hrs, #2: 2-3hrs, #3: 45m-1.5hrs. Yesterday Roger and Sara took them out for six hours! They broke it up; car, stroller, car, store. Maybe Jackson and Tabitha slept two hours total. Maybe. Meaning today they are going to be tired, cranky and have very low tolerance. Being here for ten hours I need the option to get out of the house. I say,
"Roger, that makes me very uncomfortable."
"I don't understand your response. I said don't take them out. That's it. End of story."
"Bye Roger."

It isn't as if I decided this summer, hey I think I'll try being a nanny. I have a brain, I make good decisions and my judgement is pretty sound. Micro-managing me is the last thing I want from Roger and Sara and I'm feeling very, very frustrated this morning.

TGIF

Synergis shots went fine this morning. Sadly Jackson has not gained any weight. Luckily he hasn't lost any either. According to the doctor [idiot] this can't possibly be behavioral and they need to take him to a GI doctor, again. He's been before and had lots of tests, x-rays and the works with no reported problems. It doesn't make sense that it can't possibly be behavioral yet it is worse depending on the feeder.

I think the doctor wanted to make Roger and Sara feel better. His job is more than measuring and weighing and giving kids shots, it's reassuring parents and helping them feel effective and nurtured when they need it. I took his remark personally and I shouldn't have. Because I did I found loads of studies, research and findings to support my opinion. I'm validated but I don't need to tell Roger and Sara, we'll get through this as we've gotten through each thing in the past.

Prematurity Awareness Month

November is Prematurity Awareness Month, the time of year when the March of Dimes brings special attention to the fight against premature births and other serious threats to infant health. Prematurity is the number one killer of newborns.

My tomatoes were especially premature and especially lucky. Most babies born as early as Jackson and Tabitha lead different lives, not lesser lives, different. They are just as special as the tomatoes and possibly more amazing. Here are a couple of my favorite preemies to watch grow and develop, aren't they most darling girls? And their parents are tough and adorable - a winning combination!

I blog to share with people my experiences as a nanny, not to represent preemies everywhere. All babies, families and situations are different. I blogged about Prematurity Awareness for that reason - to raise awareness.

LateNight and SnuggleNaps

Yesterday was a VERY long day.
It started with such possibility. The tomatoes slept until 10:45am, when I finally woke them. I seriously hate waking anyone, especially babies, I think sleep is so important. But they needed to wake up with enough hours left in the day to fit four more bottles in.

Jackson, with his feeding frustrations, does best when the bottles are evenly spaced. But with waking up so late they ate later, this put their next two bottles pretty close together. Let's add Sara being there hovering to take in every aspect of how I feed Jackson (she just wants it to get better and if she can learn something that might work, she's willing to put in the effort), both Jackson and Tabitha being exhausted because after sleeping in so late their morning nap was tiny equals Jackson's tolerance being very low and him eating a bit less than usual. But pretty good.

Then the housekeepers came late. Sara was home to take a nap and we were pretty much shoved out the door to take a walk. I'm not complaining about the walk, I LOVE walking. Our location lends to visual interest and diversity. But my babies were tired before we started. They snoozed on the walk but nothing more than a fifteen minute stretch each. By the time our evening snuggle-nap* rolled around they were toast!

Exhaustion and feeding Jackson do not mix. Given the choice this tomoato would choose sleep over food in a heartbeat. So his evening bottle, with Roger and Sara both hovering over my every breath (what can I say? They are trying.), didn't go as well as I would have liked. An ideal bottle for Jackson is 200mL/cc. In the evening he takes between 30-60mL/cc for Roger and Sara. Last night for me he took around 160mL/cc. So he did alright. I wish I could say that I'm steadfast and what I do always works, but I'm can't. I do my best and sometimes it's just not as good as I'd like.

I believe in sleep and encourage it like crazy, but babies need to eat. Jackson needs to eat. Tomorrow Jackson and Tabitha go to get their 1st RSV shots. They will weigh them and as long as Jackson is growing we don't need to worry.

*Snuggle-nap; evenings are tough for many babies. Some call this period the 'witching hour' and it generally falls between 4-9pm. No matter what they do during the day my babies are tired around 4:30pm but have a tough time falling asleep. Because Roger and Sara won't regularly put them to bed in the evening we cannot establish a catnap. Our compromise/balance for this is a sling-nap when I'm there and when Roger and Sara are home one holds Jackson while he naps and they let Tabitha fall asleep in the swing for a short nap. I put on the sling, add one baby at a time then rock in the rocking chair for 30 minutes to an hour. Ideally they both sleep, if not they benefit from the body contact, being close to each other, navigating tight space with their twin and calm relaxation. On really great days they both fall asleep early on and as I rock I doze with them. But it is just as nice when one of them just looks around and touches the other during sleep. There's no crying during this time and we all enjoy the snuggle.

Early to Bed

Tonight I'm staying late so that Roger and Sara can meet with some like-minded folks and do some filming. In preparation for my long day today I planned to get to bed early last night, really early. Norah and I rushed home and immediately started dinner.
As we were finishing I received a call from Roger, Jackson was refusing to eat again.
Sara was exhausted from trying.
Jackson and Tabitha were already in bed.
Roger's reason for calling was to see if anything, anything was different during Jackson's feeds during the day.
As I had told him before I left his house an hour earlier, Jackson had a great day. Ate wonderfully. He possibly had an even better time eating than previously. I didn't know what the problem was.
Roger continued, pushed, rephrased the same question, asked multiple times.
I repeated myself, tried to remain calm and not push, although he was pushing like crazy.
Finally, I told him that although I couldn't offer any insight into Jackson's feed, I suggested they not start the 9pm feeding cycle again. If Jackson didn't want to eat, then don't keep offering him food all night.
Of course this frustrated Roger and he basically said that they'd feed him if he wanted to eat.
I told him that if Jackson thinks he can make it until the next feed why would he invest himself in this bottle?
Roger tells me, for the second time in a month,
"Samara, I don't believe Jackson 'thinks' about anything. He's smart but not that smart."
Norah reminds me to breathe.
I star again,
"Roger, you can choose what you'd like to do, I'm not telling you that you need to starve Jackson. But I think this is behavioral and feeding him again tonight will encourage him t repeat this routine tomorrow night."
"Samara, I doubt this is behavioral. You and I both know all those behavioral ideas are good in theory but when it comes down to it we need to follow our baby."
"We do follow the babies. When Tabitha needs to eat, we feed her. We adjust what we offer them, but I believe it IS behavioral because he doesn't do it during the day. You've given him the option to eat, now let him sleep."
"I know he doesn't do it during the day. That suggests we are doing something wrong..."

Okay, stop. This was where I reassured him, told him that didn't have to be the case and that it could be a habit they've all formed together. Parents have such a tough time, there is so much uncertaintity and doubt. It is not my job to add to this. I want to guide them and build their confidence. Parenting isn't easy and I never lie to my parents, but telling them they are the problem, true or not, when they are feeling terrible, out of control and like they are losing hope, Never helped anyone. I will continue to encourage them in the direction that I know works. they will continue to hear my perspective and choose. In this we will find a balance that best benefits these babies.

After all of this Jackson decided to sleep all night. Roger and Sara would have rested and started over today but Miss Tabitha decided 1am was playtime. She, Roger and Sara were up until 4am. I'm not sure what all of this is about but my gut tells me both Jackson and Tabitha are very smart and they are testing Roger and Sara. We'll see how this all plays out. Tonight I'm putting them to bed.

Today's Public Blog-o-vision

Yesterday was a rather perfect day, as far as days go. The tomatoes napped beautifully, ate ideally and playtime was relaxed but fun. We took a nice long walk and met this wonderful older lady who told me all about her two adult sons. One's a surgon and the other a lawyer. She raised them alone and was very proud to talk about them. The especially nice part was that although she knew I wasn't their mother, she asked, she asked about their mother, remarked on how beautiful the babies were and told me that it is important work I'm doing. It was very kind of her and I appreciated it.

Today has been a little choppier as far as naps go but with such awesome naps yesterday they likely have extra energy today. I'm glad the rain has stopped and we'll get another nice walk later this afternoon.

In other news, I can't stop thinking about getting pregnant. I'm dying to get started and be on that road. I love kids, parenting and Norah so much. We make a great team and I want us to have our family for Christmas. Maybe by next Thanksgiving.

Today's post is brought to you by the number 5, the letter B, for baby of course!

Hooray!!! Back at work!

I couldn't help myself, I had to dress them extra matchy-matchy today. Aren't they sweet? You can't see them, but they really are.

I'm back at work today! I'm so happy!

Last night I was dancing around singing, I'm go-ing to work to-morrow. I'm go-ing to work to-morrow.

It is a good day. It is sunny and crisp and beautiful. I'm so glad to be back to work.

The tomatoes are good. Their hands and feet have really grown. I hope that means they will be tall and not be held back because they were so premature. Starting life at less than two pounds each, you continually wonder how they will grow and develop. How long will they play catch up. I know that they should be caught up by three years old, but they missed and entire trimester in the womb. That is a lot to miss.

Of course, being back to work after missing five days, two were the weekend, comes with consequences. Jackson is having a tough time eating and feels thinner. Very worrisome. And Sara says Tabitha isn't napping for very long at once. I'm not sure if Sara thinks this is a good thing or not. I'm definitely a supporter of longer deeper sleeps over shorter, lighter ones. I'll keep you posted as the week progresses. Right now Jackson is having trouble turning over at the 45 minute mark, tired little tomato!

Worth a thousand words...

Since I'm not working, groan, I have a bit of free time on my hands. I've used this [opportunity] to add to my blog. While I can't go back and remember exactly what I was feeling on each day, I do have dated photos to remind me. As they say, a photo is worth a thousand words, too bad I can't post pictures. You'd definitely enjoy them, everyone does!

Home Again

Tomorrow I'm staying home - AGAIN! I'm so bored and ready to be back at work! They want to play it safe though and wait until Monday. Oh my goodness!! I miss those tomatoes! Basel is cute, see above, and I love Norah, but working is what I do! I'm busy. I'm efficient. I get more done in two hours than most people get done all day, when I'm at work. But when I'm at home, forget it! Tomorrow I will be productive, even though I'm not headed to work. I'll go and get my flu shot. No choice on this one. Pediatrician says we all have to have flu shots for the tomatoes' sake. I'm the last one. Sara doesn't believe in them either but she went first, then Norah, then Roger and tomorrow me. Yick.

Hope everyone else's weeks have been better than mine. Enjoy Friday.

Home sick today

Yep, today I'm at home, sleeping like I'm being paid for it. Oh wait, I AM being paid for it! The tough part of that is "what if I'm not sick?" I have some early sickness symptoms but nothing big and full-fledged. On the other hand, what if I am sick and I have to miss more work? As much as I love to sleep in, I hate missing work. Honestly. I get really bored at home and I seriously miss those babies!

Preemies make it extra tough on parents as far as sick/not sik caregivers go. They have to make the call, should we risk my tiny bit of symptoms so that the parents can go to work or should we play it safe so that we know the babies stay healthy. Add to that twins infants that most parents aren't sure they could actually handle for the entire day by themselves and you have a definite conundrum. My last family ALWAYS risked it. Unless I was really sick, I came to work so Clover could go to work. [Stephen wouldn't consider staying home, are you kidding?!] Today is the first time this has been an issue. I called this morning and after some debate, seriously, Sara decided I should stay home and rest. Maybe it's nothing but let's be safe. Sara's babies were also born six weeks earlier than my last twins and were on the cusp of life or death at birth because they were so, so early. That also mean that they are older now than Madison and Addison were for their first winter. This means they have better immune systems. And they are much more hearty too. Madison and Addison were always smaller and more tender little chickens.

Speaking of my hearty little tomatoess, I miss them. But I'm exhausted so I'm going back to bed!

Old & New

The end of September brought our farewells to visiting family. Grandmommie had been here for three weeks and as a means of saying goodbye and capturing the moment I set up our first real photoshoot. There are a few great shots, three generational photos, Tabitha photos and Jackson photos. Out of the batch the favorite is a photo of Jackson and Tabitha together. They are cuddled close and relaxed just being babies.

On Friday of last week, the very beginning of November, I thought we'd try to get another shot of the two of them with a similar feel. There are a few cute shots but nothing truly outstanding. I'd love to show you these two photos compared to one another but as I've had some bad press (read: UPDATE) I can't share with you our sweet tomatoes cuddled together. But take my word - they are adorable!

Activity on the baby front continues as usual. Tummy time is still a battle as is getting Jackson to eat. I'm not sure whether he's formed a negative habit, acting out to get the extra attention it always brings or just really frustrated. If indeed it were the last we'd want to do whatever possible to help him figure this out. Although it is hard to believe that he's having an actual problem when his issues are terrible with his parents and not so bad with me. It could be that my experience feeding babies gives me more confidence, persistance, patience or ways of feeding him that allow us to have more successful bottles thus increasing our likelihood of having having better feeds more often creating a pattern of success. But maybe not. I really can't give you the hard and fast answer, this isn't a precise science. It would be nice if is were though.

The only other news around here is that Tabitha needs the next size of diapers. She's leaking frequently and has gotten a very random rash. It is along the legs and waist holes of the back of her diaper area. Not anywhere in the middle but where the elastic is too close against her skin. So missy Tabitha will be moving up to size three diapers - a far cry from the teeny premie diaper she had falling off of her bottom in the NICU. Grow baby grow!

As far as our world goes I'd say life is plugging along quite well. We'll get past this feeding issue and come into something new, and it will continue, us moving from one thing to the next until I'm reporting new words, steps and more adorable personalities, at which point it will continue still!

This week

Jackson is still having lots of trouble eating for Roger and Sara. He took about half his normal amount each day, if not less. It is very defeating for them and I'm not sure how to make it better. He doesn't seem to be having the same issues with me. During the day he eats whatever I offer him, no problem. But in the mornings and evenings he eats 1/3 or less of his bottle for Roger and Sara. I suggested to Roger that maybe Jackson prefers the snuggle and being put to sleep that they do. Which looks like this; he eats enough to take the edge off then he fusses/refuses to eat, they snuggle him, sing to him, rock him, do whatever it takes to calm him, which ends in him asleep on them nearly every time, and then the bottle is over. If he fusses/cries a little while later they will start the process completely over which means instead of a 7pm bedtime he's been going to sleep in his bed around 9-9:30pm lately. When I suggested this to dad he looked me square in the eyes and said, "Samara, he's smart, but he isn't THAT smart."

Yeah. Okay.

Tabitha is doing wonderfully. Eating at mealtimes, burping at the end of her bottle, and sleeping, for the most part, during naptimes. She's getting more demanding though which I find exhausting. Roger and Sara say they want the kids to be patient yet never give them any opportunities to learn patience. They themselves aren't exactly models of patient-people.

This week EI is coming with a Gross Motor Consultant. I'm not expecting that to go very well. These tomatoes don't do much. We play on the floor during the week as much as we can but during the evenings, their biggest awake stretch, and weekends they don't do much playing on the floor. Tabitha would much rather be held. But we'll get there eventually. I hope.

Exhausting weekend.

Friday, the weekend and Me!

Thursday turned into an exhausting but awful day. Honestly. Tomatoes were exhausted and needed much more sleep than Roger and Sara said they should have. They ended up having the two one hour naps Mr. Pediatrician had suggested. Is he insane? They were basketcases. When Roger and Sara tried to do their nighttime routine, Jackson refused to eat. He finally took 50ml (almost two ounces) and promtly threw it all back up. Awhile later they convinced him to take 50-70 more and he kept that down. But all he realy wanted to do was sleep. They had an equally tough time feedimg him Friday morning.

On good Fridays Norah joins me at work. Oftentimes there are other more interesting things to do and she tries to get out of it, occasionally succeeding or compromising and only doing half the day. Because of Thursday she stayed all day Friday without the tiniest complaint. The reason I couldn't blog yesterday, are you ready fo this?

The day was awesome! Jackson caught up on his sleep. He ate wonderfully except one tough part of one feed. Tabitha slept, played and caught up a bit too. Norah and I grabbed lunch from this deli around the block. It was a really great day! I was so busy enjoying it that I didn't have time to blog! And we had a photoshoot. Photoshoots are always better when Norah can help. She has different ideas, perspective and her own set of hands. She's also completely willing to just do as I ask if I have something specific in mind. An opportunity to work with four hands?! Who wouldn't love that?

And today we are having a party in our tiny apartment. I'm very, very excited about it. We moved here over the summer and it is really, really small. This may sound awful but quite the contrary. I love it! There are only the two of us and Basel and it is perfect. We haven't really had many people over since we've been here, still settling, organizing, etc. So tonight is our big debut. I think the place looks good, the menu is perfect and now to decide what to wear...

Have a great weekend.

Expectations

This pediatrician thing has been stuck in my mind. I can't stop thinking about it. Norah can't understand why I'm so bothered by it, there are many people in positions of power with low expectations. Why do his low expectations bother me so much? And then it came to me, the reason it just gnaws at me. It was as if he said,

"Roger and Sara don't have a clue anyway. Why bother to teach them? You can't help everyone so do the minimum, expect nothing and you'll get by."

How can anyone that knows infants and children feel that way?! If caregivers, parents, grandmommies and pop-pops, aunties, uncles, friends, neighbors, nannies, etc, are willing to put in a little extra work followed by consistancy then the benefits are infinate.

The parent or caregiver of an exhausted child gets less alone time which means fewer opportunities to think, reflect and consider their children, actions and large number of possibilities.

The parent or caregiver of a picky eater spends more time worrying about food [how to get the child to eat, whether the child has eaten enough, what if they stop growing?] than about how to have fun, relax and try new things.

Children who get too little sleep get colds more often.
Children who don't get enough fruits and vegetables aren't as prepared to deal with illness as those who do.

The list goes on. So why, WHY would a pediatrician say it doesn't matter? Who cares? Why bother? It is very, very frustrating to me and it's nice to be able to vent about. I apologize for going on and on though.


On the schedule front, we're back to 'Roger and Sara's rule.' Jackson and Tabitha take a bottle before bed because they can't imagine putting them down without food, who cares about their teeth? Breathe Samara. In. Out. We'll change it later. No 5-6pm nap, they can make it, we're expecting too much of them, "they deserve it" is what Sara says.

I'm not sure how long I'm going to last at this job, with Roger and Sara being so inflexible. They are gone 5/7 of the week and want me to do things the lazy, no-forethought way. Which isn't the way that I work. If it's better for Jackson and Tabitha, even if it's harder now, then we should do it the best way.

As a follow up to this post, we're back to napping on blankets around the house. We're definitely having a transition period, but I'm excited about the product and think the benefits far outweigh the short-term re-learning curve.

Halloween 2007

What a long day.
Norah and I went trick or treating with our dog. It was great and relaxed and fun. After a bit of wandering through the busiest trick-or-treating area in downtown we decided to grab a bite, at our favorite pizza by the slice place. Like other nights before we leashed Basel to a parking meter and went inside, always keeping an eye on our spoiled puppy getting loads of love from passers-by. As we were relaxing into our second slices in trots Basel. No lie. He'd pulled free of his collar and thought he'd come in for a slice. The best part was, he walked right inside to us. We were tucked back in a corner because the place was so busy and he knew right where we were. As appaling as it was to have Basel in the pizza place we were both secretly proud and glad he'd came straight to us instead of wandering off in search of friendly folks with candy. When I took him back outside, sans pizza, to leash him back, there was his collar dangling from the leash, I can't imagine how sad I would of been had we come out and found that rather than having him come in and find us.

On the nanny front it was a very long and very exhausting day - in all of the best ways.
Roger, Sara and I took Jackson and Tabitha to visit the pediatrician. He said they looked great and then prattled on some crap low expectations, generalizations and complete lack of insight. He really annoyed me today and I disagreed with 90% of what he said. Aside from that, Tabitha is up to 13lbs4oz and she grew two inches! Jackson is up to 12lbs even. They both gained double what we'd like to see - way to go babies! He increased Jackson's z@nt@c because he has been having a tough time connecting to the bottle but not really spitting up. I don't know if he needs more medicine but we'll see how it goes.

The afternoon was even more exciting than the morning. While the tomatoes slept, Tabitha on Norah and Jackson, good boy, in his bed, Roger and Sara carved their first pumpkin!!! We'd been talking about it for days and I tried to prepare them for as much as I could, the shell is hard, the insides are goopy, it is fun, messy and an experience. You can do it.

It was excellent. Sara cut open the top.
"This is hard work."
Roger came in, saw the pumpkin was dirty.
"Can I wash it? Can I use the sponge?" (we had a very clean pumpkin!)
They scraped out the insides - saving the seeds for baking and eating later. Then worked together to choose a face. Sara wanted heart eyes, Roger thought that would be too tough, so he made circles. Sara wanted a trianlge nose, done. They wanted a smiley mouth with teeth, tough but excellent work. Their process and final product looked like a first experience and it was PERFECT! I'm very proud of them and impressed with the work they did. I took loads of pictures and but lost a huge chunk in the middle too. I was extremely disappointed, but as I'm the one who knocked my camera off the table I can only be annoyed with myself.

It was a great day, a wonderful Halloween and now I'm beat!
Hope tomorrow is quiet and boring. :)

Follow-Up, Routine Change

The Talk about the television issues I was having went about as I'd expected. I stated my perspective and frustrations, Roger said we'd never agree on this issue because they are an everything in moderation type family and my view on this is extreme, but that he does respect my opinion and Sara was the peacemaker, as she has been in the past.
" Samara we respect your view and will talk to eachother to see where we stand. If you have some websites or the reseearch you've mentioned I'd love to look at it. We haven't really researched this and what happened over the weekend was more of an experiment than a plan."

I'm hoping that we can find a balance that suits us both. As noted by yesterday's post I do not see any benefits to babies watching television. I think they miss out on other things and the parents use it as a default and miss excellent opportunities to use their imaginations to come up with suitable activities for the babies and themselves. They think that twenty minutes each week, which will become forty before two weeks have gone by, is fine. The main reason they think this is fine, both Roger and Sara said specifically, is because I'm here all week and I do such a great job with them that on the weekends they don't have to try so hard. Hmmm, and how does this make me feel?

Frustrated.

I understand this perspective and can see it's validity. But I'm here for a few years max, they will be with thier children FOREVER. And shouldn't the best quality time be spent as a family and not with their nanny?!

Unless something changes, I will try not to bring this up again. I'm not using this blog as an outlet for my frustrations but as an opportunity to share what I do. Most folks don't understand, respect or value nannies and I'd like to see that change. I've been doing this long enough to know what works and what doesn't and I feel I have a lot to offer. I work very hard and put 100% into my job. I also love my job and make a pretty good living considering that until Norah finishes her doctorate I'm the primary breadwinner.

UPDATE: Jackson and Tabitha haven't watched television since this event. Sara had no idea about all of the research and has told me it was more of an experiment than anything. We all joke about it from time to time, "it" being my extreme response. I think because I responded so seriously they stepped back and re-evaluated. I'm very happy with the outcome and the discussion made us into a stronger, better communicating team that trusts each other more.

All that aside, you may be wondering how scheduling and naps are going, at least I'd like to think that you are. Things are changing again. Jackson is having a really hard time eating. He screams at his bottle before starting to eat. I've noticed that this is worse when he is tired. Which makes sense, tolerance is lower when we are tired. They are both eating less at certain times and we've been having trouble with the last two bottle of the day running into each other. Roger and Sara have decided the third nap of the day is optional. They decided to skip it all weekend. I think that this is contributing the the sleep issues, both babies being overtired. Because one, a nanny, has to choose her battles, I'm letting this one go. I can't control what they do on the weekends and have other concerns surfacing.

If we drop one of the bottles we can make an actual dinner-bottle and drop the going to sleep bottle. This opens up the bedtime routine to actual together time. Right now it focuses on food. They don't need that and once they start getting teeth that would need to change anyway. Since they are five months that could start happening anytime. It is unlikely because they were three months early, but it is indeed possible. Changing the bottle schedule and bedtime routine opens a lot of doors and only closes the door to needing a bottle to go to sleep.

The bedtime routine looked like this last night;
6pm Samara leaves, playtime begins
bath, bottle, snuggles before bed at 7-ish, this is always variable because playtime, bathtime, feeding time, burping time, etc are all variable. Removing some of the parts of the equation should make this period more predictable.

In turn the wake up time would become more reliable. On an average day they wake between 6-7am to have a bottle then go back to bed. The later they go back down after this bottle the less likely they are to actually sleep, the more likely they are to start their day tired and short-tempered.

With the last bottle of the day happening before I leave, at the same time each evening, the morning bottle should follow in line behind. We'll see how this goes. If this works then the evening catnap is gone and morning predictably reigns.

I'll keep you posted!

Yesterday I photographed the babies bottles because there were so many and after I took two out the pattern surprised me. It was also the end of their little square containers. Now there are fewer bottles because we are now at four per day. Wish us luck!

Precious Time

During this weekend my little tomatoes were subjected to Baby Einstein.

Sara's justification to me, went like this,
"I said Roger don't tell Samara! ... I know that you don't think they should watch tv but it isn't like we let them watch four hours of television like some people. ... I think in moderation it is okay. Just twenty minutes a few times a week isn't a big deal. ... I watched it with them. ... " And so on.

If something needs that much of a confession followed by six justifying reasons from Sara and a few thrown in by Roger - do they really think it is okay?

I'm really, really upset about this. Babies have so much to learn, so many experiences to have while they are making those synaptic connections. Their rate of learning drops off significantly at six months, then stays steady until three years when it slows considerably. Why would you waste any of those precious moments on flashing pictures and good music simplified into annoying bits of noise?

People have to work, I can understand this. But your baby only has so many waking hours each week. If I'm spending the bulk of those hours with your children, shouldn't you cherish the 25 awake hours with them? Especially considering that during those 25 hours you subtract twelve for napping? That leaves 13 hours each week that these parents can spend with their TWO infants and they threw away half an hour on nothing? I'm shaping these kids five out of seven days and their input is sitting next to each other and not thinking? Setting up habits and patterns that could lead to speech delays, psychological disorders, sleep problems, irritability and obesity?!

What a waste.

I looked up some more info on the internet. If you are interested, it supports my views that watching television with babies is a waste of time, energy and brain power.
ADHD

Basics:
No child under age two should watch television at all, the Academy of American Pediatrics advised in 1998. Doctors blame TV for increasing aggression and obesity in children, now they add ADHD risk to early TV use.

Babies brains grow rapidly
Even a child playing with its own fingers has the neural patterning that comes from bending, flexing, stretching and grasping. Scientists tell us that the brain develops in completely unique ways between birth and three years. As a kiddie viddie baby sits "mesmerized", neural paths are not being created. This is crucial brain development that stops by age three.

Delayed Language skills.
The Seattle team surveyed more than 1000 families in February 2006 and found that — on parents' reports — infants between eight months and 16 months who regularly watched Baby Einstein and Brainy Baby videos knew substantially fewer words — six to eight out of 90 — than infants who did not watch them.

Less time spent interacting with others.
Researchers fear that excessive exposure to media among very young children may lead to problems of attention control, aggressive behavior and poor cognitive development.

Aggressiveness.
We know from studies of newborn rats that if you expose them to different levels of visual stimuli ... the architecture of the brain looks very different."

Watching TV can become a habit for your child. Help your child find other things to do with his time, such as the following:
• Playing
• Reading
• Activities with family, friends, or neighbors
• Learning a hobby, sport, instrument, or an art
The following people and places can provide you with more information about the proper role of TV in your child's life:
• Your pediatrician may have information about TV or can help you get it through the American Academy of
Pediatrics. Ask for the AAP brochure Understanding the Impact of Media on Children and Teens
• Public service groups publish newsletters that review programs and give tips on how to make TV a positive
experience for you and your child. Check with your pediatrician.


ADHD Link.
TV watching "rewires" an infant's brain... 
Even a child playing with its own fingers has the neural patterning that comes from bending, flexing, stretching and grasping.

ANGRY!!

I am so ANGRY!! Mondays can be tough, especially when it comes to transitions between parents and nannies with infants - toddlers and children as well. But what happened this weekend has just had me fuming all morning. I'll post as soon as I can get some cohearent thoughts together.

Lizard

There was a lizard in our kitchen sink when we came home last night. Norah freaked out and climbed up on a bar stool - should have taken her picture rather than the lizards - she's 5'9" and was petrified in such a girlie way! It was a teeny-tiny lizard and so scared! I think it must have came from one of the two plants she'd bought earlier in the day and put up over the sink.

Poor little lizard! I caught it in a vase and took it outside to a tree, across the street rather than the one nearby that Basel likes. I apologized to it, poor little lizard, it was a tree in the middle of downtown - not really getting back into the wild! At least it is back outside!

My "Aha!" moment

Yesterday afternoon I said forget it. I'm stressed. They're stressed and maybe a schedule isn't right for this family. I cannot explain to you how unlike me thing this is to say. I love a nice schedule. Routine suits me. And I get to lead on this front. But everyone - I man - EVERYONE was having a hard time. So who could it hurt to back off and relax a bit? I have to tell you, the fact that Sara argues/questions/discusses just like Norah could have a little to do with me doubting myself here.

Afternoon nap was spent mostly in my arms, in a sling, in the rocking chair with me holding 28.2lbs of baby - this being the combined weight of both babies. It was very relaxing and rest was had by all - including me. Afterwards I didn't push the evening nap, Sara insists they might not need this one and they never go down easy at this time in the evening. Of course as much as I've doubted the rest of the schedule I KNOW that they NEED this nap. But sometimes stepping back and letting go helps others to understand more. So, after a nice afternoon nap, I decided to skip the evening nap. They were playing happily on the floor until two minutes before Sara, along with Norah, came in. At this point Jackson was screaming because he wanted to be held but I was washing bottles. I'm short and not thin which makes it impossible to wash anything while wearing a baby in the sling, my arms just aren't long enough to reach around my belly, the baby and into the sink. Needless to say the rest of the evening they were exhausted and went to bed early. No one doubts they need the evening nap now.

Today I came in relaxed and ready to go with the flow. Sara left and babies continued to sleep. Five minutes before their bottle was due Jackson woke up. We chatted a bit, I changed him and started his bottle. Not far in Tabitha woke, same. After an hour of being awake Jackson looked tired so I put him down. Same happened with Tabitha. When Jackson woke a little early from his nap I took him in my arms and we rocked in the chair. He went back to sleep and I dozed. Much of the day looked like this, one hour awake and then sleepy. A nice long nap, Jackson needed extra snuggles to prolong his in the morning, Tabitha needed extra snuggles in the afternoon. Great, no problem - snuggles are nice for everyone.

Duing these two lovely, calm, slow snuggle periods I had time to think. Lots of time. And the more I thought about it the more I felt like I'd missed the forest because I was looking at a tree. I was so excited to have a schedule that even though 1:15hr seemed like a long awake time, it was what Sara wanted and what the book suggested. But it was too much for my tomatoes. They could do it the first day because they were rested from the weekend. But after that it was too much. That is why Tabitha was waking at 45minutes, she was overtired. I know this. I've seen this at least twelve times before, what was I thinking?! Waking up at forty-five minutes ALWAYS means over tired. I felt like I'd lost my marbles forgetting something so ingrained in me.

Now life is good. My tomatoes are sweet and well rested. Sara says Jackson is saying "boo" as of this evening. They are too cute. And now it is the weekend. I'm so freaking happy!!!

Growing stronger, lungs that is!

As the battle of the naps rages on I get through the days with email, photos, activity and as of this morning, books on cd. Today, for the Jackson and Tabitha, I've added a bit more playtime, just in case we weren't getting sleepy enough between naps. And the babies have added extra fussing during their early morning sleep period and now for the morning nap. Ahh the days of adult noises and sleeping babies have morphed into no adults, aside from myself, and determined, strong babies. My but how far they have come!

Update on Schedule, naps and life.

So much has happened since my last post. I wasn't slacking but working my bottom off. The babies' grandpoppie was ill so Roger flew to be with him while he was still lucid. He was away for a week and I worked late every night plus all day Saturday, so that Sara could make it through the week.

Roger made it home and settled in. Just about the time things were getting back to normal the call came that grandpoppie had passed. Now the debate, should Sara go with Roger for the funeral? Roger would stay a week but Sara could come home early. Debate, debate. can Noragh and I help, debate. Then reality struck. Sara didn't have her passport. She couldn't fly internationally and know she'd be allowed back home. Debate ended, Sara stays home.

Roger left on Saturday and thank heavens other grandpoppie calls and offers to help for the weekend. I'm off the hook! That was last weekend. It was my first break in two weeks and I really enjoyed it. No babies, no blogging, no diapers and the only naps I had to worry about were my own. It was lovely. There were kids though, the high schoolers from church put on their yearly pancake breakfast and Norah and I were the adults in charge. It went very well, we were all exhausted after three hours in the kitchen. But we plugged through and supervised Sunday School as well. It was a very long morning followed by a trip to the park for Basel. Ahhh the fall. Basel swam, he's getting better but still learning and still unbelievably funny every time, and we brought him homejust as exhausted as we were. We all went to bed, seperate beds, no furry Basel-butt on my pillow!, and slept for three hours! It was the best.

Of course during that lovely restful weekend I decided to give up coffee and caffiene. [Norah is pushing for this winter pregnancy really hard and I'm yeilding.] So Monday, what a day, I head to work caffiene-free and ready, oh boy, for an extra long day and the start of our new schedule! Oh joy!!

Side note,
Tabitha can now sleep through the night and is doing so regularly. Jackson has been doing this for weeks now. Both go to bed around 7pm and wake around 6am for a bottle. And they do this each night. Good news, wonderful. But about the time this became predictable, they started having issues with our daytime routine.
Now, side note within the side note;
coming home from the NICU both babies were on a three hour schedule. Of course that was thrown out the window as soon as they were home. Roger and Sara had been listening to NICU nurses for long enough and now they got to choose, or more precisely Jackson and Tabitha chose. They ate whenever they wanted and slept on who ever was closest. And this worked well because their [young] auntie was visiting for three weeks, I was there, both Roger, Sara and my Norah, not to mention visiting nurses, lactation consultants and when auntie left grandmommie arrived, also for three weeks. You try telling the grandmommie that lives a twelve hour flight away she can't rock them to sleep every-single-time. I will cheer for you. I made it through 2/3 of her visit before I had to step up. This is when we instituted the routine they had up until last week, about three weeks total. Eating every three hours, they can do it, they were doing it six weeks ago when they came home from the NIC, and sleeping by themselves within every three hour cycle. There was patting and soothing and touching and talking and it was a small step but a step nonetheless.

So, every three hours easily merged into a suggested daytime feeding schedule, spaced of course, three hours apart. Some days this was very tough for Tabitha. She likes the bottle to go to sleep. But I persisted, the routne prevailed and we were on our way. They started to become more aware and more social. No longer were they just sleeping when the opportunity arose. Then last week they missed a nap. They dozed while we were out but they were miserable later and took two days to get back to normal. [We'd been at Children's Hospital having some blood work done as a follow up from the NICU] We kept close to the schedule but stretched their awake times to see what they could handle, let them know there is time for socializing and seperate sleeptime from awake time.

We found that 1:15hr is about all they can handle. At an hour and a half they get overtired and have trouble going to sleep. We also found that for them this is total awake time - including the diaper/bottle/feeding/burping time. Since this last part takes 45 minutes max, 35-40 on average, we added 30 minutes awake time before each bottle because if they play after a bottle we're always worried about bringing the bottle back up.

Figuring out wht they need and getting them the sleep they need is crucial. 25 weeks is way too early to start a life. But they are thriving and I believe it is because they sleep. Children and babies release growth hormones during deep sleep, if they never get into that deep sleep or only get their irregularly they will never reach their potential. Starting life so early we need to give them every opprtunity possible to reach their potential. We've also seen that being tired affects the way Jackson eats. He has reflux and when he doesn't get enough sleep he spits up more, both in frequency and volume. He also has a really hard time connecting to the bottle when he's overtired, his latch is off, he can't get started and he gets really, really frustrated.

Taking what we found into account we looked to Sara's favorite sleep book, Healthy Sleep Habitsetc. He suggested, for a 4-6 months old baby, bed between 6-7pm, check, early wake up [with or without bottle, ours is with] around 5-6am, check, wake up around 7am, um no, nap #1 at 9am, nap #2 at 1pm and nap #3 at some point in the evening. Of course we modified this to fit our needs, more specifically the babies needs. 7am wake up is too early for them. They get up around 8:45am, bottle at 9:15am, nap #1 at 10am. Good. Wake up 12:45pm, bottle 1:15pm, nap at 2pm, okay. Wwake up at 4pm, bottle 4:30pm, nap #3 at 5:15pm. Tough but we can do it. Finally, wake up at 6pm, bottle by 7pm and bed.

Monday, without any caffiene, we embarked on our schedule-changing journey. I am pleased to report - it was perfect! I told Sara the plan, she liked it and agreed, then headed off to work. We had a tough first feed and were 15 minutes off all day, but that is AWESOME!! Tuesday I headed in bright and early and mom headed off to work [this is a new thing, she's been home with me on maternity leave until this week] morning went well and then during nap #2 Tabitha exploded! She refused. She was mad and not having it. 45 minutes and she was toast. No sleep. No. I'm not doing it she said in babyspeak - waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! [only much, much louder] Of course I finally get her to stop and BOOM!! Jackson has to put his thoughts in. I give in, I have a caffiene headache and I can't take anymore crying, we're only 30 minutes early at this point so we just go for a walk. Today, same deal. 45 minutes and she's done, mad, telling the world. Of course I know, ten years of doing this has taught me, if I keep giving in, it will keep happening. So I wait. And wait. And wait. She settles down and is quietly going to sleep. Of course this is the point at which the housekeepers show up [4hrs late and right at 45 minutes] to clean, vacuum and mainly, be really, really noisey. So cry, cry, cry. Calm, snooze, cry. And so it went, but today Jackson didn't sleep through it, he joined her. And as a baby chorus sang on and on I held strong - much to the housekeepers chagrin. You know this means that today I didn't have a headache. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Today was better then yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today, I can only hope. I'm also going to try tweaking the schedule just a little even though it worked o well on Monday. Maybe the morning nap is so refreshing after that nice long overnight sleep that Tabitha isn't getting sleepy enough in between the two naps. Jackson definitely likes this schedule and only cried out of frustration today because his sister was keeping him up.

In other news, today Jackson and Tabitha are five months old!! Technically they are more like two month olds but literally they have been here for five months. Very exciting. They are getting big and are unbelievably social. Today I saw the beginnings of their sennses of humor. Completely different from each other, of course. It is very exciting to see them changing and growing each day. Jackson's nose is changing and Tabitha's forehead is changing. They are both getting stronger, eating faster and making new sounds. Jackson tries to say hi, not really but it sounds lie he does. Tabitha can mimic almost any face you throw at her, tongue out, curled tongue, crinkled nose, she's a pro!

All in all life is pretty good right now. I'm exhausted and I know that once the caffiene headaches are completely gone I'll dip into a low. Norah and I have each given up caffiene before and seen it happen, it sucks, but if I am to get pregnant at the beginning of December then it's better now then later. And I can do it! I'm also losing weight. The idea was that I'd work really hard to look good for our ten year reunion in April, just before I turn 30, but now that's out of the window if I'm pregnant, right? I'll be just as chubby as I am now. Oh well, I'll keep working on it, I'm doing pretty well and I feel good so either way it is good for me.

Sorry for all the detail but I thought having it written down might help me later or someone else, having twins can be challenging but the benefits far outweigh the extra work at times. Two babies, together to share the good, the bad and the naps - it's all worth it!

Weekend Fun.

This weekend was wonderful!

Norah and I headed down to our favorite fall hangout with a couple of former charges. Alright former charges turned friends. Cameron who is two and Zander who is nine. She has gotten slightly bigger since I cared for her as an infant and toddler, I'm joking f course, she's so big! We have stayed friends over the last nine years and whenever we have the opportunity we spend extra time with her. But never have we brought along another child to share the spotlight. And we've thought about it, many times because we plan to have children of our own. How will Zander handle that? Will she be too jealous to move on to enjoy the good stuff?

While things started a tad slow - it was AWESOME! Zander had her spotlight as Cameron finished his nap, we all interacted as a group and then she took it on herself to talk, teach and hang out with him! He thouht she was the coolest thing ever! What a great day!

The Good stuff

They have so much personality for such little tomatoes.

Sara took a great photo with my camera whe she found us during a feed a few weeks ago. It is nice to be able to feed them both at once when they are starving, but I relish the feeds when I can focus on just one at a time. I work my hardest to be sure that we can enjoy the last leisurely feed of every work day one-on-one.

I took a great photo at the beginning of September, Jackson and Tabitha's aunt had just left a week earlier and she was leaving a message on the machine. Both were listening intently to her speaking. I think they recognized her voice. After this photo there's actually a shot of them fussing because she stopped talking.

There is also a great photo of our first meeting in the NICU. Roger and Sara were thrilled to let Norah and I hold them and took our picture together. Jackson and Tabitha were both so much bigger than I could have expected. The next day Tabitha came home and a week after that Jackson joined us too.

Okay, now, one last post. Tonight I've come upon some unexpected free time and took the opportunity to search for some more blogs to read. Norah loves to read blogs, graduate students, lesbians, TTC, parents, you name it she reads it. I read a couple of them but mostly I'm interested in different things. Twins, preemies, micro-preemies, other full time nannies, photographers - I'd love to read about these people all day long! But I have no idea how to find these other blogs and bloggers. I've been searching like a fool and read some pretty incredible stories. There are some truly amazing folks out there. Worried about family privacy and defining the line between what is appropriate and what just isn't okay, but with what's here I think I've struck a good balance. Of course there are those who would disagree, but that is always the case.

I LOVE photography. I love working with families. I love multiples. I love Norah. I've been a nanny for two months longer than I've been with her, which has been more than nine years. And what more can I tell you? It's late and I'm tired, but life is really good.

BTW if any of you know of blogs that I might enjoy - recommendations are welcome. Have a great weekend!

Ahh, time to relax...

This week is over!! I'm so glad it is FRIDAY! 

Days are so much longer with two babies and two adults always up to something. We're getting there one day at a time, together.

Having Jackson do 11 to 12 hour stretches at night is great but along with it come worries. Is it okay for him to go that long? If we were to look at his adjusted age (for those of you who don't know this is counted from the due date opposed to actual age which is counted from birth) he's only just five weeks old. But how can you just throw out those additional three months? He's happy, why not let him sleep?

Bottom line for his preemie self - if he's gaining [enough] weight then it is great.

Today we visited the pediatrician, the new one whom we all love, for a weigh in.

According to T. Barry Brazelton [pediatrician, researcher and author of Touchpoints] a six week old baby should gain about 1/2 ounce per day. It has been nine days since we visited our pediatrician for their baseline weigh in and measurements. That means our boy should be about five ounces heavier.

Last time Jackson weighed 9 lb 9 oz and today he weighed 10 lb 3 oz - that's right he gained 10 ounces! Double the expected weight gain for his adjusted age, Hooray for Jackson!!! Now he can sleep his 11-12 hours every night, we'll no longer try to wake you up lil'tomato, I'm so proud of you!

Now of course, little missy Tabitha is still demanding her 2 am and 6 am bottles, regularly waking up early and screaming until she is fed. And of course, because she is a twin and we were at the pediatrician's office anyway, she too weighed in. Last time she was 10 lb 13 oz and as of this morning she weighs 11 lb 13 oz! She gained an entire pound!! She definitely doesn't need that 2 am bottle no matter what she says. The doctor said her weight gain for nine days would have been perfect for the entire month!!! Sorry tomatokins, looks like your 2 am bottle is on it's way out. You can do it Tabitha!

That is the news for this week. Cross your fingers that next week brings the Roger and Sara's return to work, the appearance of normal fall weather and the reinstatement of my sanity! I'm joking, it really isn't so bad, next I'll be complaining about how long and quiet my days are.

In other news, the recent death in our lives has pushed just the right buttons to get us back on the TTC-wagon. We're thinking about trying again in November. Four unsuccessful tries down, one BFP to go! [BTW I'd inseminate with twelve vials if it meant I'd get pregnant with triplets - can you imagine?! I can hardly imagine anything better!]

Until next week then.

When is it time?

Life is good!

Babies are great!

Early Intervention came today to follow up on Jackson and Tabitha's evaluations from last week. Their computer was down so they really couldn't tell us anything. How lame is that?! Norah works with developmental assessments daily and they score them by hand if they need to. This just reinforces her views that EI folks are under-trained and unintelligent. These are my first EI folks and I've seen nothing to dispute my wife's claims. They do what I do with a different title - and they make LESS! I looked at EI jobs, I'm more than qualified but they really make crap. How could I support Basel and Norah in graduate school on that salary? And I'd be indifferent homes each day, dealing with diverse situations, varied parents and doing what? Encouraging parents, making suggestions, telling them what is appropriate at what age, what exercises they can do to benefit specific developments, and then I'd just leave and hope they were taking some of my suggestions to heart. Whereas in my job I do all those things plus I lead by example every day.

Enough about me, I enjoy my work and only ask a tad more respect when I tell others what I do because I make a difference every day. Update on the babies.

Late yesterday afternoon Jackson raised his head almost two inches off of the blanket - hooray Jackson! He also freed his left arm which had been pinned under his belly - all by himself! He vocalized while he worked but didn't cry or give up. I am very proud of him.

He is still having trouble eating. After a burp/once he becomes sleepy he has trouble beginning. He can suck, swallow, breathe but the initial suck gives him trouble when he's tired. It is exhausting for him and us but we are working on it every feed. He's still eating well and sleeping perfectly during the night. Again with the eleven hours.

Tabitha is getting more demanding with her desires. If she turns over in her sleep and fusses she can get herself back to sleep when given the opportunity. When she is "soothed" at this point it vamps her up and she fusses unhappily for quite a long time. She's still eating during the night and Sara has decided she's using the bottle to go back to sleep. Not what we'd like to see. The current debate is whether to decrease the amount she's offered, drop the bottle cold turkey or replace the bottle with the pacifier. I vote drop it cold turkey, she doesn't need it, she's waking up before it at times then not taking it, she doesn't finish it, soothing her with the pacifier entails various visits and re-insertions, eventually we'd need to wean her from the pacifier (she doesn't take it any other time than the middle of the night to stretch to a feed and never regularly) and soothing her with the pacifier would take as much work as soothing her without it.

Roger and Sara are still spending a lot of time at home. I thought I was fine with it but it is getting exhausting. I get glimpses of freedom, seeing what a day could be like without them all over the babies every twenty minutes and it makes me long for the days of baby-care rather than parentcare/consulting/re-doing what they mess up. But this is my job and I love it, right?

Measure a Life

Despite my lack of blogging, there is quite a bit on my mind.

Over the weekend we attended a memorial service because one of Norah's peers died last week from brain cancer. Sadly he left behind two small children and his loving wife. Being there was very good for us, we were able to grieve with friends and see that his wife is a rock. It is such a tough thing, cancer, long drawn out illness. It drains everyone in it's wake. And then it continues to go on and on. In the end it seems death is a relief both for the afflicted and the loved ones. But it has never felt that way to me.

When I was 12 my father had his first tumor removed. At 16 he had a colostomy and bid farewell to his pride, strength and manhood, as far as he was concerned. Then, when I was 17 and he was forty, my dad died. His battle with cancer was over and he had to fight no more. Everyone voiced how he'd never suffer again, and moved on. This month will bring his 12th death anniversary and I still have trouble being okay with the idea of saying, it's okay, we're okay, you can die now. But that is exactly what this wife told to her husband five hours before he died leaving her with their two small children.

And I know it is true. She will be okay. Their boys will be okay. And he wouldn't have been okay no matter how hard he fought to stay alive. But would I have been able to be THAT strong? I love my wife so much, how could I tell her to go? Just go.
I don't know if I could. I just don't know.

On the baby front things seems to be plugging along. The weekend brought grandmommie's flight home and Sara and Roger's move to returning to work. But Sara is having some trouble wrapping her brain around that one. She' taking it slow and feeling pulled in two directions. I'm not worried, there's no rush.

Tabitha is growing like crazy. I came to work on Monday she was a new baby. She's beautiful, like a cherub. She eats every 3+ hours during the day and every four hours at night. And she loves to sleep. Her bathroom habits could be better, she consistently has wet diapers but only dirties her diaper every other or every third day. We'll continue to keep an eye on that. She's still not really enjoying tummy-time unless it is an opportunity to sleep then she's all about it. When it is a workout, awake tummy-time, she lifts her head just enough to plant her face in the blanket and cry. We generally wait her out but it takes everything to make it longer than her - she's one determined little girl! Her core strength is improving so that she can hold herself up for 20 seconds or so while sitting on your lap with only a hand to steady her. We've also been working on sitting upright. Her lower half is extremely stiff, possibly normal but compared to her brother she's stiff, and she's getting a bit better. She isn't holding herself up at all but she's stopped fussing so much about being put into the sitting position.

Jackson is still battling with Reflux (GERD). We're continuing with the mildest medication possible and trying to improve things surrounding his feeds. Still burping every 20-30ml/cc we're keeping him more upright during feeds and trying the #2 nipples. He's still spitting and lately seems a bit more uncomfortable than usual. According to the pediatrician he was on a very low dose and today we increased the amount he was taking to three times as much. I hope it helps him, maybe decrease the burning in his throat. He eats on the same schedule as his sister during the day but during the night he is all about his sleep. He regularly goes seven hours between nighttime bottles and has just started doing a couple of eleven hour stretches! Not to worry as long as he continues to gain weight. Since he finishes every drop during the day it seems that they are getting about the same in total volume but a weigh in on Friday will assure us he is doing a good job. As far as physical development he's doing great. When we practice tummy time he does pretty well, meaning he can hold his head about 1/2 inch off of the floor and doesn't complain about it. But like his sister he thinks it is an excellent opportunity for a nap and usually falls asleep. Sitting practice is a bit easier with Jackson. He is rather relaxed and generally doesn't mind being put into a sitting position. Sometimes he can hold himself up enough that he only needs a hand to steady him. We'll keep practicing more each day and eventually we'll see the improvement.

That is all that I have for you right now. I'm still processing this new death and constantly thinking about how the wife must be feeling. He released his last breath while she held him. I can't even imagine what that must feel like.

Inspiration out of the blue.

Everything is so calm here today in preemie-ville. Grandmommie and Sara are out to lunch, Roger is working, Norah is here helping with feeds and the tomatoes are running on schedule, napping well and being cute. Not really much on my mind related to twins or preemies or even nannying. Then from thin air an email arrives from Ashley (also a former employer and mother of girl-boy twins, Sophia and Max).

In an instant I'm lost in old photos. There are so many memory provoking photos from the nearly four years I spent with Sophia and Max, two of the most beautiful boy-girl twins, the only full term set, it is a pleasure to wade through them. And yet time and time again my favorite photo remains the same. One of the last few I took as their nanny. They are three and a half and completely lost in their own worlds, yet the shot captures such feeling and possibility, and at the same time nostalgia for youth. The picture inspires me.

Settle Back and Share

Yesterday we met with a new pediatrician. He was great, a real old fashion doctor's office and pediatric practice, no nurses, nobody else to relay the same story to five times, only him. He writes, he spent years in academia and he loves what he does. It was exactly what it should have been from the beginning.

Most parents have nine months of pregnancy with which they can interview, meet and choose a pediatrician. Something highly I'd recommend. But when your two babies spend only 25 weeks - six months - in there, well, things get pushed aside because there is only so much time in each day. The earliest weeks are a fight for their lives, tests, transfusions, isolettes and when they are finally ready, kangaroo care. Three hours each day that you can just hold them, feel their little hearts beating against yours and share skin contact with these amazing little people that have fought so hard to be here. And most parents are back to work during this time so that they can use that precious maternity leave when their sweet babies are home. Which is a great thing for the parents AND the babies. It can also be a time when family can meet the new babies for the first time. It is a great time for friends and family to help out, cook, clean, lend a hand even hold a baby if that is what is needed. Sometimes it is nicest for parents if the help is focused on chores rather than holding, diapering and feeding because they have been sharing all of that with nurses and are excited to do it themselves.

If there is a nanny entering the picture, like me, this is an amazing opportunity to get to know one another better. Personal histories, relationships, likes and dislikes, it all builds communication and trust and aids in bonding. I love the first few weeks of this so much. With each family I have enjoyed it more. My current position, opportunity number sixteen, has been the best by far. Both Roger and Sara have spent time just talking with me as well as Norah (she spent the first week here as the babies came home sooner than expected and I was finishing with my last family). But as it comes to an end, I'm always ready.

I'm not sure whether I begin to distance myself because I know the end is near or whether it just starts to get annoying. There is no way to separate the two. In this case Roger and Sara aren't the ones I'm ready to get space from, grandmommie is. She's been visiting for nearly three weeks now. And while she is extremely kind, pleasant and caring, she's started pushing my buttons a bit. But, she leaves on Monday, and I can handle that.

In other news Early Intervention (EI) came today to evaluate the tomatoes. Jackson, who always seems a bit ahead of Tabitha, physically, wanted nothing to do with the EI people. He just wanted to sleep and actually fell asleep during the assessment. Tabitha on the other hand (to be fair she had the better person,Jackson's was dull and reserved) performed better than ever. She couldn't do everything she was asked but she was a great sport and made it through the entire assessment. We had to wake both of them for it. Next week they will return with a plan of action (called an Individualized Family Service Plan, IFSP) for each baby.

Which brings me back to the pediatrician. As much as I enjoyed the experiemce of meeting with this new person, I detested each moment I had to spend with the last. He was young, cocky and absent-minded. Not at all worth my sweet tomatoes (seems silly but everyone wants a chance to work with them because they were 25 weekers). Let's hope these Early Intervention people don't disappoint me because nanny or not I wield a pretty big pull from where I stand.

Until next time.

31 weekers lost, 25 weekers found

As promised, update, specifics and daily routine - but not in that order.

Our daily routine looks a lot like yours would if you've had or have a newborn. We eat every three hours, burp every ounce (20 ml/cc) and then sleep. If either of the babies has any energy after all of the eating, sleeping, burping and diaper-filling then it is directed to just before a feed. This way we aren't over stimulating them or taking away any opportunities for them to sleep.

Being preemies they need to sleep as much as they need to eat. It is very important for them to sleep in every cycle and hopefully get into that deep sleep where they will release their growth hormone.

Just how premature are they? My little tomatoes, Jackson and Tabitha, were born at 25 weeks 5 days gestation. They were three months early. They missed 1/3 of their womb time. And not only did they survive but - BUT they are thriving!!! We are all very grateful.

The first thing most people are interested in is weight. Jackson was 1 lb. 15 oz at birth, Tabitha was 1lb 15 oz at birth. As of this morning Jackson is 9 lb. 9 oz and Tabitha is 10 lb. 14 oz! They are doing wonderfully. We are one month and two days past their due date today. They are four months actual age and one month corrected age.

Recently Norah assessed them using the Bayley [Scales of Infant Development]. They scored remarkably well. Their gross motor was delayed, tested at their corrected ages, but everything else - including fine motor skills - tested much closer to or right at their actual ages. Cognitive was their highest, Hooray! They each scored within one point of each other, Jackson scoring that tiny bit higher.

As you can tell the new family is wonderful. Roger and Sara are highly educated, open-minded and intelligent. I enjoy working with them, helping with ideas, routines and changes, even just chatting with them. While it wasn't a long-awaited change, finishing with my last family and starting fresh has been so much better than I could have hoped.

The last family had 31 week preemie twins, also boy-girl. Madison and Addison were amazing but Clover and Stephen's expectations were a tad low. While I was there we maximized their intelligence, interactions, growth and development. Within days of my leaving they were different children. The two years I spent there since their arrival home were lost in a matter of 72 hours. Madison and Addison were so demanding, slimy and cranky the last time I saw them that I'm having trouble missing them at all. The broccoli-loving-toddlers that I loved and remember are far from the tired-drooly-fit-throwers they are today. It is very disappointing because I work so hard to educate the parents as well as the children.

What is done is done. I can move on.

Time to finish for today, but a quick update/recap.
New job is great. Jackson and Tabitha are great. I am great.
New place is nice, mostly organized and comfortable.
Norah is pretty good. She had her 1st therapy client today. (very, very exciting as she is only in the beginning of her second year as a PsyD student)
And Basel is good. He's learning to swim! Funniest thing ever!

More tomorrow - until then.

Transition into Awareness

August was the month of transition.

My new tomatoes (charges) came home from the hospital. Norah and I took a vacation. We moved (HOORAY!). And, and, I STARTED A NEW JOB.

There has been so much on my plate that I shied from blogging because who really wants to hear about what I do and what I'm up to? It seems silly. Then yesterday I came across "Preemie" magazine. Inside I found articles and more advertisements than you would believe for crap no parent needs. Then, this morning, I came across a personal story. This parent of 27 weekers was sharing their experience so far, their boy-girl twins are now toddlers. Honestly, I was eating it up! The bed-rest, birth, NIC, coming home, growth, development, and so on. And it really made me think. While what I'm doing may seem old hat to me, there are others, nannies, parents, caregivers, extended family, etc, that are just starting this journey. It looks different from where ever one stands in life. Who am I to keep the good, the bad and the binky to myself? I LOVE what I do. I enjoy sharing tips, ideas and insights, why shouldn't I blog?

Next installment; new family specifics, daily routine and update.
Until next time.



UPDATE: For a long time, my blog wasn't really noticed. A handful of people around the world probably stumble upon it and read a bit. Nothing regular or noteworthy. Then I made a post that annoyed a preemie mom, I'm not sure what she was really angry with because she has read most of my blog. Maybe she was having a bad day and that post hit her wrong. Whatever her reasoning she has started a personal crusade against me, pretty much telling other moms that I am the devil.

She wasn't here, I blog summaries and she can't possibly know what happened enough to deem me the devil. Because of her a lot of the personalization of this blog has been lost. It is sad, but some people need to attack others to make themselves feel better. I don't know her or her situation just as she doesn't know me or mine. Having a preemie doesn't explain everything, these tomatoes are happy, healthy, thriving little babies and nothing I've done has jeopardized that, on the contrary, I have given more of myself to this family than any other nanny I know. She's allowed to have her opinions and I mine, no one person should assume they know everything about a person because they've read something that person has written. Look athow much was written by Shakespeare. (of course I'm no Shakespeare, but you get the idea.)

Napping around the house.

Jackson and Tabitha love sleeping on a blanket on the floor. They are so relaxed being together and so sweet just calmly sleeping wherever I am. It is a true treat and definite job perk.