Tomorrow is Equal Pay Day

As I consider wearing red tomorrow, I am surprised at the direction my thoughts take. I may be in one of the few careers where a woman generally makes more money and finds greater job availability than a man. 

Spring thoughts . . .

With Spring quickly approaching I gave Sara and Roger a new suggestion, sun hats. While I rarely suggest specific products, I think most things are similar to their competitors and pretty much interchangeable based on style and personal preference, I have two products that I love. I've been using each since my first nanny position nearly ten years ago (May marks ten years).

I didn't mention the first here because I didn't think product pushing was beneficial. but as the sun gets closer and hotter I see the necessity to share my other favorite product and thought I may as well share both.

These bibs rock. They are machine washable, rinsable, dry quickly and last for years. Literally you could probably hand these babies down (nobody I've worked for has been willing to give them up, thus I've never seen them handed down).

And I love these hats. They are stylish, have ties that keep them on, a wide brim that shades the face as well as the neck and they dry quickly. These can definitely be handed down and last for years. We've taken them in the pool, the ocean, the stroller and just out for a walk.

Now, you may see other brands that resemble Bumkins and Flap Happy but aren't these specific brands - my advice? Run! Run far away! Jump on the internet and order these specific brands. They may be a little more expensive but trust me, no parent I've ever worked for has regretted it.

Sunny with a chance of extreme tantrums.

Not much to tell today. Babies are throwing a lot of temper-tantrums and because grandma is here they are getting quite a bit of positive feedback for it. Of course it's exhausting for me and makes each day so long. Roger and Sarah are encouraging them as well, I don't think it's on purpose but it's happening so much. Luckily grandma leaves in two days, then we'll have a few weeks break before the next grandma arrives. It's going to be a long couple of months! After that there's another grandma coming.

In the meantime . . .

Development Update

Hey! Long time no see!

I was away over the weekend and have spent most of the week recuperating. Travel was exhausting but my actual reunion was amazing. I had an awesome time and life is good. I took loads of pictures hoping that in some way they could hold me until the next reunion. Of course they won't but they did take me through most of this week. I looked at the last batch this morning. Yep, two thousand photos took me five days to get through. If only there could be more . . .

But I'm sure you are much more interested in hearing about the tomatoes. Good thing because I actually logged on to talk about them. They are both doing really well. Tabitha now has two tiny bottom teeth to match Jackson's. Neither are really noticeable to the camera lens thus we have no photos of them yet. But don't you worry, once it's possible there will be loads of documentary photos.

Both are excellent sitters. Tabitha can get down from a sit onto her tummy without trouble although in the last two days she's started bumping her head on the way down. Not sure if it's the audience, her moving faster, weight change, growth, or something else completely but it's happened quite a few times. It doesn't seem to be her vision because she's just about CRAWLING!!! Hands and knees, moving one at a time and going forward in a straight line towards a goal. This morning her goal was me. I said to her, if you come over here I'll pick you up. It took her a good ten minutes but she brought herself right over, no distractions, and the party began! I am so proud of her! She'll learn my weakness early, if you come over to me, I'll pick you up. Of course, there's no guarantee how long I'll hold you, but the immediate response and reward will be there.

Jackson is doing an amazing job in the social realm. He too wants to crawl but focuses so much energy on interactions that he's easily distracted from his goal. He does get onto hands and knees but when he lifts one up it generally takes him backwards, pretty frustrating for him and any on lookers.

Napping is improving. We seem to be going in waves. Two great days on, one or one and a half mediocre or bad days, then another one or two good days. This week is a bit off as their grandmother, paternal, is visiting. She has only visited one other time since their birth over ten months ago. They were still in the NICU last time so getting to spend this much time with them is just what she hoped.

Finally the screaming. While we seemed to be making progress everything fell apart when I took Friday off. Roger decided he felt bad telling Tabitha not to scream and they called the pediatrician with tales of whoa. Told him she'd been screaming and we'd started telling her to stop. Said that it had been days since she'd made any sound at all. He responded that any sound is better than no sound and that we should stop telling her not to scream. We should go back to ignoring her or distracting her.

Okay, I was here everyday until Friday. There wasn't one part of any day that she remained silent. She's stopped screaming and begun making other sounds, bababa, dadada, etc. They called the pediatrician on Friday morning. Since I left here an hour before she went to bed on Thursday, there was no length of time for her to have been silent. Seriously.

You can't imagine how frustrating this is. Honestly. Completely and totally frustrating.

Now, the rest of this story . . .

Of course Norah asked her boss, who works with developmentally delayed kids, speech delayed kids, mr kids, autistic kids, you name it, they diagnose and evaluate kids, about all of this. And her boss was appalled. She said that the ONLY time you'd say that any sound is better than no sound is if the kid is mentally retarded. Neither Tabitha nor Jackson are anywhere near MR, so the pediatrician's suggestion is complete bs. Norah's boss went on to say that if Tabitha can understand that we don't want her to scream and she stops when we tell her that's a great sign and continuing to tell her no screaming is fine.

So, I took as much screaming as I could and then when I couldn't take anymore, I started telling her no screaming again. And you know what happened? The girl who had been silent, except for screaming, since I returned on Monday, started making sounds again - old sounds and new sounds. Using different parts of her mouth, different tones and pitch. But when her parents are around, know what she does? Yep, she screams. And now, because they can't ignore her, she gets rewarded for screaming. Every scream gets attention.

Roger and Sara spoke with EI about speech evaluation, after they'd taken her in for a hearing test, which she passed, because she's completely normal, and EI said what I said. If the screaming is working there's no reason for her to use any other sounds.

Things are looking up.

These last couple of weeks have been pretty exhausting. I was sick, again, both babies had their first colds, Jackson cut his first tooth, they've perfected sitting and we've had PT once each week. Add turning ten months,  our last RSV shots, gaining one pound each and the screaming phase and you've got our entire month of March.

Luckily we are getting more spring-like weather, higher temperatures and moving the screaming out of the house. Because Roger and Sara are who they are, we tried about ten things before they were ready to start telling the tomatoes "no" every time they screamed. Once we all started doing that, the progress was measurable and immediate. Both understand the word no as well as the word yes.

Napping has also hit a few rough patches. Sara asked for a limited period and I tried that for about three weeks. It worked, I'm lying, I was trying to come up with something positive but there's nothing positive about it. It didn't work at all. They'd each sleep 45 minutes and then cry/complain/play/scream until the set amount of time had passed and I'd get them up, crabby, exhausted and we'd all be frustrated. Finally last week I couldn't take it anymore. There is no point getting an exhausted baby out of bed, if they are tired they need sleep, I can't sleep for them thus they get the opportunity to sleep. Tabitha responded immediately. She regularly sleeps 75 to 90 minutes every morning. Jackson improved, started sleeping 45 minutes, instead of the 30 he'd been sleeping, and then, after awhile, another twenty minutes. This week he's doing a set 45, a lot of complaining, then another 45-60. It isn't ideal but it isn't something I can do for him. 

Physical therapy has really been on hyper drive. Both tomatoes rolled from their backs to their front this week. Each can hold a sitting position and without planning has put themselves into a sit from an all fours position. 

Tabitha has started mini-fits at random times. She just bursts out with a cranky-cry-fuss and waits to see if anything happens. No tears or anything. 

As far as their fits go, each has their own unique cry pattern. Tabitha gets angry and yells as if she's been deeply wronged. Jackson kind of whines and cries as if he's been deeply wounded. This is funny because I had a set of twins who were exactly like this, girl like Tabitha and boy like Jackson. They even looked a bit like the tomatoes back then with their huge chubby cheeks.

Substitute nanny today!

Hello everyone, Norah here!  Today Samara is off on a small adventure (I'll let her fill you in if she wants), and I'm here with the babies!  I love them and they love me, we have so much fun together... and yet, today I'm realizing that they can tell that Samara is not here; and me without her is something unusual. When I went to get them up after nap time, Tabitha just kept looking at me with this adorable cute face of confusion! And Jackson, well now, he usually says Dada Dada Dada all day long... but this afternoon? none of that! It's all Sssss, Sssss, Sssss... which I think is because he's looking for Samara!  Smart kiddos!!!

Update, screaming, sitting and Spring!

Things here are plugging along. We've been meeting with the PT each week instead of once per month. Whether or not she believes it helps, we've all seen measurable change. 

1. Both tomatoes are now sitting on their own. 

2. Jackson put himself into a sit one evening last week. 

3. Tabitha can occasionally go from sitting to an all fours position. 

4. This morning Jackson rolled from his back to his stomach for the first time ever. 

On the downside we're still experiencing a lot of screaming. Happy, sad, angry, confused, all they do is scream. Makes it hard for their nanny to think let alone blog. Thus the reason for the long breaks between posts. I just can't think while they scream. Roger and Sara encourage it. we're going to have a talk about it. I can't take much more. Lately they choose to practice screaming rather than cooing or babbling. It's putting their language skills further behind and killing me. Screaming isn't something that just disappears and it can last for YEARS. 

There have been other positives in our world. Each tomato gained a pound in the last six weeks. They have finished their RSV shots and both are currently healthy. Our long, cold, snowy winter only brought one cold and they had it at the same time. There's not much more one can ask for. They are more than ten months old now, robust, healthy and full of personality. 

I'm really looking forward to their birthdays, warmer weather and getting outside more. I can't wait until they are crawling and then walking. I love holding toddlers hands as they plug along. Lucky enough I'm short and this requires no hunching which encourages me to do it on a regular basis, once they can mostly walk. I'm also looking forward to new toys and finger foods. Cheer!os have already entered the house although neither tomato knows what to do with them. Roger and Sara have a detailed list of toy suggestions and ideas, hopefully some of which will surface in the next couple of weeks.

This weekend I'm headed out of town and hoping to return to Spring. Keep your fingers crossed, yesterday there were at least three Duck Boats in the river so it has to be coming. And crocuses! I saw crocuses on my commute in today!

Our 1st tooth!

Last night Sara found the teeniest-tiniest littlest tooth in Jackson's mouth! Jackson just cut his first tooth!!

She's a sitter!

Tabitha is a sitter!!

She can sit!!

Tabitha has been sitting most of the day!

Three cheers for Tabitha,
Hip-Hip-Hooray!
Hip-Hip-Hooray!
Hip-Hip-Hooray!

Today is Tabitha's sitting day - yippee-hooray!!!

Happy St. Patty's Day!

After an especially long and frustrating day of work I don't have much to share with you. Just a note to say, Happy St. Patty's Day!

Special Playtime.

Both tomatoes are doing fine. Their colds seem to be improving daily. They are sleeping well at least once per day then taking two shorter naps. Actually, that is an over-simplification.

Jackson can do three short naps, uggh, or one great nap and two short naps. They are evenly spaced and he seems to move through the day well / gets enough sleep overall. If we dropped that final nap he may increase the length of his other two naps, but he enjoys it so much, I don't want to deprive him.

Tabitha has actually been napping like a poster child for naps. She naps about 90 minutes in the morning, around 75-80 minutes in the afternoon then pushes through until bedtime. She wakes in great moods and has plenty of energy. Sadly she's been fussy despite this. Norah suggested that we have special Samara-Tabitha playtime to ease her frustrations and hopefully help decrease her negative behaviors, i.e. screaming, fits, intentional grumpiness, inability to play alone, etc. Our gol is to play together for five minutes everyday, completely Tabitha centered.

This sounds pretty simple and straight-forward, but it's tougher than you'd think. There are lots of rules in order to get it right. It's based on a proven study they've been doing, with preemies specifically, that are having problem behaviors at home. As a rule they use toddlers and problem behaviors are various, ranging from the extreme to the mild. Most don't do it with babies, but it can't hurt so we're going to try.

Now for the basic rules, of course I'll probably forget some as we've only practiced once so far. With Tabitha I need to be face to face. For us this means I put her on my lap and semi-support her sitting position (no, neither tomato sits alone yet). I put three to four toys on her lap and let her choose what she'd like to play with, then I just leave the others there. 

As she plays I am not allowed to:

offer toys

ask her questions

request anything of her

I am allowed to:

talk about what she's looking at

respond to her positive behaviors

i.e. reaching, holding or grasping a toy, keeping herself upright, retrieving a toy she has dropped (I ignore the dropping and NEVER retrieve it for her), etc

reflect her positive noises (ignore the negative)

i.e. cooing, babbling (no scolding for screaming)

We do this for five minutes. I don't tickle her or move her body for her, just support her and give to her. While it may not seem like it, we take a lot from babies. We want them to socialize and smile when we're in the mood. We want interactions and performance wen we have the time. This five minutes is all about giving to Tabitha, no taking. No questions. Do you see the light? Nope, uh-huh. You see the light. I like how you are holding yourself up. Ahhh. Baba. etc. You get the idea.

Now I know this sounds silly. But when we started Tabitha was mad at me. She'd play with her toys but not look me in the eyes. She was with-holding eye contact. Jackson started doing this months ago, but she's only started recently. By the end of our play session, we did ten minutes for the practice, she was making more eye contact, but still not as much as usual. When I first put her down to play, after we'd finished, she was annoyed. I ignored the negative behaviors but praised to the positive to aid the transition. After no more than three minutes she was fine and continued to play happily on her own. The remainder of the day brought increased eye contact, smiles and better interaction for she and I. 

Of course, as these things go, it will get worse before it gets better. I will work hard to do these five minutes each day and she will increase her negative behaviors once our five minutes are over. But, if I keep with it, it's likely that our relationship will improve, her behavior will improve and, as I noticed yesterday, her language, social self and gross motor skills may improve as well.

Sick Tomatoes.

Yes, it's happened. The lil'Tomatoes have their first colds. Poor Roger and Sara are miserable. The Tomatoes are doing fine, little runny noses and some sensitivity for Jackson and Tabitha. Aside from that, nothing's really wrong. But poor Roger and Sara. They are having a tough time of it. This is the first one, the first time their lil'Tomatoes have been sick. It's really really tough the first time. 

Yesterday Sara called twice to check in. Roger requested I take their temperature at least three times. And both were very sensitive, worried and easily over-concerned. I think they've made it through the worst of it, both babies seem to be improving, Roger and Sara are starting to relax and we're getting through the week. 

Keeping the tissues coming until next time.

Saturday with two, two and two!

Norah and I spent Saturday morning with three two year olds, it was AWESOME!! Madison and Addison arrived first. Having seen them last at their birthday party in September (!) they looked completely different. Their faces are such big kid faces. They are still teeny, tiny little tots, I don't use that word lightly, tiny-tots, with more individuality than I could have imagined. Each has their identity and plays into it as much as possible. It was cute, frustrating and at times just plain surprising. While Addison had no trouble bidding Clover and Stephen farewell Madison was a bit more hesitant and clingy. Once they were gone she was perfectly fine with Norah but seemed aloof and downright annoyed with me. Norah suggested that Madison trouble might be frustration with me for leaving her. Quite likely because the girl undoubtedly knew who I was and after a bit was all about me. Which worked well for walking to the pizza parlor as Addison has always had a bit of a crush on Norah and this day was no different. Norah had actually been Cameron's nanny for his first two years, so no question who's hand he wanted to hold, those weekly get-togethers of ours pale in comparison to his love for Norah!

Cameron's mom, Vanessa, is always running late. By the time he was dropped of we only had time to walk over to the pizza parlor before our little children would turn into pumpkins because of naptime.

As luck would have it, the rain held off for our three block walk. All three kiddos were agreeable and chatty. We had a lovely, silly, relaxed and fun lunch. It was a perfect rainy-Spring-weekend-morning. Our walk back was a wet one, rain can only hold off so long, but none of us minded. Clover took Madison and Addison home for their naps and we took Cameron back to our house. He napped in our bed while we dozed on the sofa.

Later I shared photos with Clover, hmm, forgot Vanessa, I'll have to get on that, and received this email from her;

they seemed to have a very good time. they told me, "i had a good time." and "i drank brown milk." and "i ate pizza and salad." and "i just ate pizza." and "i play with letters." and "we don't put it in our mouth." next time hopefully the weather is much nicer!!

Normally we don't give them chocolate milk i.e. "brown milk" but Norah thought they could have a taste for fun. Of course Madison refused to try it, she was appalled that we'd do something so terrible to her milk. Cameron has already had it because Vanessa thinks chocolate is one of the basic food groups, he loves it and kept trying to drink everybody else's! Although, Madison not wanting to try it really bothered him and he wasn't sure he wanted it after she refused it. Of course, being two, he got over that pretty quickly! Addison will eat anything once so he tried it and wished there was more. Of course they ate salad, pizza and regular milk before this brown milk even entered the scene. What a great day! I'm looking forward to seeing them all again soon. Such little cutiepies!

These Growing Tomatoes

Coming around on three weeks I think we may have finally established a regular nap routine. Maybe.

Both tomatoes had established habits of napping 45 minutes and then shouting to the world that they were all set. Knowing them, and babies, as I do, I was pretty sure they were mistaken. Of course getting Roger and Sara on the same page took a bit of discussion.

Working with parents, children and babies leads to theories, ideas and insights that aren't as obvious when your doing things with your first or second child. Maybe if you are Michelle Duggar, mom of seventeen children, you can ay that you have your own theories, ideas and insights that are proven. And I'd be extremely interested in getting any tips, ideas or suggestions. I'm not averse to learning, or trying new things, when there's a chance they come from a tried and tested source.

Back to the napping topic. With a little compromising Roger, Sara and I found a balance between what I thought was best and what they thought they'd be able to do, and agree with. Every morning they go down at the same time and get up at the same time. We have regular meal times, three solid meals per day now!, and an afternoon nap that begins and ends at the same time each day. If they are tired or their naps have been choppy or short they have an optional third nap which, despite what time they fall asleep, must be done with by 5:15 pm. Then we have dinner and as we finish Roger and Sara return from work.

It's taken awhile for everyone to get used to. In the last two days both Jackson and Tabitha have slept more than forty-five minutes during both nap opportunities. It feels good to think we might be on a good road. Of course, everything could change tomorrow, but with two great days under our belt I thought I could share where we are and enjoy being here, if only for today.

Other news . . .

Jackson had his follow up with the urologist. The hole that his pee comes from is still smaller than the doctor would like to see. We should put vasel!ne on it a few times each day and remember to pull his skin back regularly. Luckily Jackson doesn't mind either thing at all.

Tabitha seems to have developed a cold. Her nose is runny and drippy. So far only clear snot, nothing green and for that we are grateful. I've heard of the flu going around as well as some stronger stuff. Of course we want to keep Jackson and Tabitha as far from these germs as we can, but were they to contract something more severe I think they'd come out of it pretty well.

I know this is hard for other preemie moms to hear, but these babies are doing well. I think they are the exception to the rule. Sara jokes daily that Tabitha has forgotten she was a preemie. And yes, Sara says "was a preemie". Tabitha is in the 50th percentile for her a.c.t.u.a.l a.g.e ! She was born at twenty-five weeks gestation, that's unheard of! She's big, she's beefy and she's jolly. Our Tabitha is one amazing baby. Jackson is smaller but still within the realm of normal. His weight gain is slower, although he's been gaining at the same rate these last two months, and was slower because of his reflux. Obviously if you can't keep it in you can't get as many nutrients, calories and fat as someone who does keep it in. He'd also eat smaller amounts because of his reflux. Being smaller and more social this smaller volume doubled itself when Roger and sara were involved. A pattern of not eating became their norm. Luckily, as he has grown, Jackson has realized that he doesn't mind eating and will get just as much love and affection whether he eats or not. He still eats less for his parents but only mildly so and keeps a pretty consistent daily intake amount.

Life is good here and I'm looking forward to the change of seasons, upcoming holidays and life with these growing tomatoes.

Round here . . .

Physical Therapy and us.

We've been working on our physical therapy. My goal is three times per day - per baby. I did this three days out of five last week. This week I'm having a good day if we can get in once per day - per baby. But, as luck would have it, all of our work last week was good. Tabitha can now raise herself into the all fours position, before this wasn't possible. She could get onto elbows and knees but not support her weight on her hands. Not only can she support herself up there - but she can put herself into that position!

Jackson can hold himself in the transitional position once you get him into it.

Both tomatoes can rock back and forth when on their hands and knees.

Jackson regularly moves himself backwards, kind of a reverse commando-crawl, and has explored quite a bit of the house.

Most exciting, as far as development goes, we've passed our nine month milestone!!! Yes it's true - the Tomatoes are nine months old!!! Soon we'll have our last RSV shots, two each!, and be ready for a brand new phase, I just can't wait!

Just a picture . . .

Almost-not-quite-Spring

Things are progressing along today. Headed out earlier, enjoyed this closer-to-Spring weather. I can't wait until it's actually Spring and the days move past rain to warmer and sunny. Jackets or sweaters and maybe scull caps, how cute will we be?! Today I exposed their hands and shoes for little bit. Not much though as it was pretty chilly. We even wore skull caps under our snowsuits, it was a real treat!

After today I'm hoping to mix up the blogging. Maybe aim for twice each week instead of 5/wk. Then I won't have to just drop off once it gets warmer out. Possibly Tuesdays/Thursdays as I don't do laundry those days and should have a little more flexibility.

visitors

Blurred with little focus as I imagine the tomatoes remember our recent visitors.

Update on Tomatoes

With one week behind us and two more until we see our PT and EI person again - we're doing great with the physical therapy! We've added it to our daily charts/logs attempting to remind me, my suggestion, that I should work on it with them multiple times each day rather than multiple times each week. Seems silly and pretty straight-forward but making time to sit still and do a few simple exercises - with-each-baby - takes planning on top of everything else.

There hasn't been much time to blog this week for a few reasons;
1) I'm completely over winter and spend every free moment wishing for Spring. Blogging about what's going on now just reinforces where we are now - getting more snow and wearing heavy winter coats, still.

2) Despite our debates about going outside this winter, I have respected Roger's fear of them getting too cold, despite how silly I think it is, and have kept our outings to a minimum. Meaning we've gone on walks two or three times each month - this in itself has added to my frustration with winter and cold weather. Now that Spring is approaching, however slowly, I'm making a point to get them outside every day. We've been outside more this week than most of the winter! Adding that time into our days, on top of physical therapy three times per day, has removed a lot of my computer time.

3) Our new schedule, as agreed on by Roger, Sara and me, has been tough. there has been more waiting, planning and fussing than most people can take. It is exhausting. Terribly, terribly exhausting. But after an extremely dry spell we've hit on a few good naps and I think we're only at the tip of the iceberg. Aside from the patience necessary to get through this time, I've been trying to be more precise. Instead of getting them up (or putting them down) with 30 minutes leeway, I've been setting the timer and sticking to it. The consistency is helping their bodies adjust and giving us some more regularity.

4) The main reason that I haven't had time to blog is that I've been making myself sit still during the first part of their morning naps. This is the time I'm guaranteed quiet and I'm at my best in the morning. the problem is I start my day on hyper drive and it's just not relaxing or good for me personally. so, no matter how much I want to get everything done in the first 30 minutes after I put them to bed, I make myself relax. And it's really, really hard! This has been my best time frame for blogging, without it I feel like there's not a good time to get to blogging so I haven't been.

I only have eight minutes left before my timer goes off, I've added cooking and laundry to today's agenda, MWF are our regular laundry days but I didn't get to their sheets yesterday, so I must run!

Quickly though:

Both tomatoes are doing well. Tabitha's face is really changing. Jackson can hold one of our physical therapy positions on his own! Neither are sitting but both are moving backwards. Both can rock on their hands and knees although Tabitha prefers knees and elbows. This week she's started crossing her ankles while she lies on her tummy, too adorable! And, AND! Tabotha has started making consonant sounds! Norah was getting a little concerned but then, as if on cue, Tabitha began da-da-da and ba-ba-ba and yesterday I heard la-la-la followed by ya-ya-ya! It's very, very exciting! Jackson is growing and eating. The screaming, that was so terribly painful, has all but stopped, now rather than Tabotha doing it Jackson does occasionally. And the spitting during meals is nearly gone as well thanks to consistent time-outs by both Sara and I.