Weekend Fun.

This weekend was wonderful!

Norah and I headed down to our favorite fall hangout with a couple of former charges. Alright former charges turned friends. Cameron who is two and Zander who is nine. She has gotten slightly bigger since I cared for her as an infant and toddler, I'm joking f course, she's so big! We have stayed friends over the last nine years and whenever we have the opportunity we spend extra time with her. But never have we brought along another child to share the spotlight. And we've thought about it, many times because we plan to have children of our own. How will Zander handle that? Will she be too jealous to move on to enjoy the good stuff?

While things started a tad slow - it was AWESOME! Zander had her spotlight as Cameron finished his nap, we all interacted as a group and then she took it on herself to talk, teach and hang out with him! He thouht she was the coolest thing ever! What a great day!

The Good stuff

They have so much personality for such little tomatoes.

Sara took a great photo with my camera whe she found us during a feed a few weeks ago. It is nice to be able to feed them both at once when they are starving, but I relish the feeds when I can focus on just one at a time. I work my hardest to be sure that we can enjoy the last leisurely feed of every work day one-on-one.

I took a great photo at the beginning of September, Jackson and Tabitha's aunt had just left a week earlier and she was leaving a message on the machine. Both were listening intently to her speaking. I think they recognized her voice. After this photo there's actually a shot of them fussing because she stopped talking.

There is also a great photo of our first meeting in the NICU. Roger and Sara were thrilled to let Norah and I hold them and took our picture together. Jackson and Tabitha were both so much bigger than I could have expected. The next day Tabitha came home and a week after that Jackson joined us too.

Okay, now, one last post. Tonight I've come upon some unexpected free time and took the opportunity to search for some more blogs to read. Norah loves to read blogs, graduate students, lesbians, TTC, parents, you name it she reads it. I read a couple of them but mostly I'm interested in different things. Twins, preemies, micro-preemies, other full time nannies, photographers - I'd love to read about these people all day long! But I have no idea how to find these other blogs and bloggers. I've been searching like a fool and read some pretty incredible stories. There are some truly amazing folks out there. Worried about family privacy and defining the line between what is appropriate and what just isn't okay, but with what's here I think I've struck a good balance. Of course there are those who would disagree, but that is always the case.

I LOVE photography. I love working with families. I love multiples. I love Norah. I've been a nanny for two months longer than I've been with her, which has been more than nine years. And what more can I tell you? It's late and I'm tired, but life is really good.

BTW if any of you know of blogs that I might enjoy - recommendations are welcome. Have a great weekend!

Ahh, time to relax...

This week is over!! I'm so glad it is FRIDAY! 

Days are so much longer with two babies and two adults always up to something. We're getting there one day at a time, together.

Having Jackson do 11 to 12 hour stretches at night is great but along with it come worries. Is it okay for him to go that long? If we were to look at his adjusted age (for those of you who don't know this is counted from the due date opposed to actual age which is counted from birth) he's only just five weeks old. But how can you just throw out those additional three months? He's happy, why not let him sleep?

Bottom line for his preemie self - if he's gaining [enough] weight then it is great.

Today we visited the pediatrician, the new one whom we all love, for a weigh in.

According to T. Barry Brazelton [pediatrician, researcher and author of Touchpoints] a six week old baby should gain about 1/2 ounce per day. It has been nine days since we visited our pediatrician for their baseline weigh in and measurements. That means our boy should be about five ounces heavier.

Last time Jackson weighed 9 lb 9 oz and today he weighed 10 lb 3 oz - that's right he gained 10 ounces! Double the expected weight gain for his adjusted age, Hooray for Jackson!!! Now he can sleep his 11-12 hours every night, we'll no longer try to wake you up lil'tomato, I'm so proud of you!

Now of course, little missy Tabitha is still demanding her 2 am and 6 am bottles, regularly waking up early and screaming until she is fed. And of course, because she is a twin and we were at the pediatrician's office anyway, she too weighed in. Last time she was 10 lb 13 oz and as of this morning she weighs 11 lb 13 oz! She gained an entire pound!! She definitely doesn't need that 2 am bottle no matter what she says. The doctor said her weight gain for nine days would have been perfect for the entire month!!! Sorry tomatokins, looks like your 2 am bottle is on it's way out. You can do it Tabitha!

That is the news for this week. Cross your fingers that next week brings the Roger and Sara's return to work, the appearance of normal fall weather and the reinstatement of my sanity! I'm joking, it really isn't so bad, next I'll be complaining about how long and quiet my days are.

In other news, the recent death in our lives has pushed just the right buttons to get us back on the TTC-wagon. We're thinking about trying again in November. Four unsuccessful tries down, one BFP to go! [BTW I'd inseminate with twelve vials if it meant I'd get pregnant with triplets - can you imagine?! I can hardly imagine anything better!]

Until next week then.

When is it time?

Life is good!

Babies are great!

Early Intervention came today to follow up on Jackson and Tabitha's evaluations from last week. Their computer was down so they really couldn't tell us anything. How lame is that?! Norah works with developmental assessments daily and they score them by hand if they need to. This just reinforces her views that EI folks are under-trained and unintelligent. These are my first EI folks and I've seen nothing to dispute my wife's claims. They do what I do with a different title - and they make LESS! I looked at EI jobs, I'm more than qualified but they really make crap. How could I support Basel and Norah in graduate school on that salary? And I'd be indifferent homes each day, dealing with diverse situations, varied parents and doing what? Encouraging parents, making suggestions, telling them what is appropriate at what age, what exercises they can do to benefit specific developments, and then I'd just leave and hope they were taking some of my suggestions to heart. Whereas in my job I do all those things plus I lead by example every day.

Enough about me, I enjoy my work and only ask a tad more respect when I tell others what I do because I make a difference every day. Update on the babies.

Late yesterday afternoon Jackson raised his head almost two inches off of the blanket - hooray Jackson! He also freed his left arm which had been pinned under his belly - all by himself! He vocalized while he worked but didn't cry or give up. I am very proud of him.

He is still having trouble eating. After a burp/once he becomes sleepy he has trouble beginning. He can suck, swallow, breathe but the initial suck gives him trouble when he's tired. It is exhausting for him and us but we are working on it every feed. He's still eating well and sleeping perfectly during the night. Again with the eleven hours.

Tabitha is getting more demanding with her desires. If she turns over in her sleep and fusses she can get herself back to sleep when given the opportunity. When she is "soothed" at this point it vamps her up and she fusses unhappily for quite a long time. She's still eating during the night and Sara has decided she's using the bottle to go back to sleep. Not what we'd like to see. The current debate is whether to decrease the amount she's offered, drop the bottle cold turkey or replace the bottle with the pacifier. I vote drop it cold turkey, she doesn't need it, she's waking up before it at times then not taking it, she doesn't finish it, soothing her with the pacifier entails various visits and re-insertions, eventually we'd need to wean her from the pacifier (she doesn't take it any other time than the middle of the night to stretch to a feed and never regularly) and soothing her with the pacifier would take as much work as soothing her without it.

Roger and Sara are still spending a lot of time at home. I thought I was fine with it but it is getting exhausting. I get glimpses of freedom, seeing what a day could be like without them all over the babies every twenty minutes and it makes me long for the days of baby-care rather than parentcare/consulting/re-doing what they mess up. But this is my job and I love it, right?

Measure a Life

Despite my lack of blogging, there is quite a bit on my mind.

Over the weekend we attended a memorial service because one of Norah's peers died last week from brain cancer. Sadly he left behind two small children and his loving wife. Being there was very good for us, we were able to grieve with friends and see that his wife is a rock. It is such a tough thing, cancer, long drawn out illness. It drains everyone in it's wake. And then it continues to go on and on. In the end it seems death is a relief both for the afflicted and the loved ones. But it has never felt that way to me.

When I was 12 my father had his first tumor removed. At 16 he had a colostomy and bid farewell to his pride, strength and manhood, as far as he was concerned. Then, when I was 17 and he was forty, my dad died. His battle with cancer was over and he had to fight no more. Everyone voiced how he'd never suffer again, and moved on. This month will bring his 12th death anniversary and I still have trouble being okay with the idea of saying, it's okay, we're okay, you can die now. But that is exactly what this wife told to her husband five hours before he died leaving her with their two small children.

And I know it is true. She will be okay. Their boys will be okay. And he wouldn't have been okay no matter how hard he fought to stay alive. But would I have been able to be THAT strong? I love my wife so much, how could I tell her to go? Just go.
I don't know if I could. I just don't know.

On the baby front things seems to be plugging along. The weekend brought grandmommie's flight home and Sara and Roger's move to returning to work. But Sara is having some trouble wrapping her brain around that one. She' taking it slow and feeling pulled in two directions. I'm not worried, there's no rush.

Tabitha is growing like crazy. I came to work on Monday she was a new baby. She's beautiful, like a cherub. She eats every 3+ hours during the day and every four hours at night. And she loves to sleep. Her bathroom habits could be better, she consistently has wet diapers but only dirties her diaper every other or every third day. We'll continue to keep an eye on that. She's still not really enjoying tummy-time unless it is an opportunity to sleep then she's all about it. When it is a workout, awake tummy-time, she lifts her head just enough to plant her face in the blanket and cry. We generally wait her out but it takes everything to make it longer than her - she's one determined little girl! Her core strength is improving so that she can hold herself up for 20 seconds or so while sitting on your lap with only a hand to steady her. We've also been working on sitting upright. Her lower half is extremely stiff, possibly normal but compared to her brother she's stiff, and she's getting a bit better. She isn't holding herself up at all but she's stopped fussing so much about being put into the sitting position.

Jackson is still battling with Reflux (GERD). We're continuing with the mildest medication possible and trying to improve things surrounding his feeds. Still burping every 20-30ml/cc we're keeping him more upright during feeds and trying the #2 nipples. He's still spitting and lately seems a bit more uncomfortable than usual. According to the pediatrician he was on a very low dose and today we increased the amount he was taking to three times as much. I hope it helps him, maybe decrease the burning in his throat. He eats on the same schedule as his sister during the day but during the night he is all about his sleep. He regularly goes seven hours between nighttime bottles and has just started doing a couple of eleven hour stretches! Not to worry as long as he continues to gain weight. Since he finishes every drop during the day it seems that they are getting about the same in total volume but a weigh in on Friday will assure us he is doing a good job. As far as physical development he's doing great. When we practice tummy time he does pretty well, meaning he can hold his head about 1/2 inch off of the floor and doesn't complain about it. But like his sister he thinks it is an excellent opportunity for a nap and usually falls asleep. Sitting practice is a bit easier with Jackson. He is rather relaxed and generally doesn't mind being put into a sitting position. Sometimes he can hold himself up enough that he only needs a hand to steady him. We'll keep practicing more each day and eventually we'll see the improvement.

That is all that I have for you right now. I'm still processing this new death and constantly thinking about how the wife must be feeling. He released his last breath while she held him. I can't even imagine what that must feel like.

Inspiration out of the blue.

Everything is so calm here today in preemie-ville. Grandmommie and Sara are out to lunch, Roger is working, Norah is here helping with feeds and the tomatoes are running on schedule, napping well and being cute. Not really much on my mind related to twins or preemies or even nannying. Then from thin air an email arrives from Ashley (also a former employer and mother of girl-boy twins, Sophia and Max).

In an instant I'm lost in old photos. There are so many memory provoking photos from the nearly four years I spent with Sophia and Max, two of the most beautiful boy-girl twins, the only full term set, it is a pleasure to wade through them. And yet time and time again my favorite photo remains the same. One of the last few I took as their nanny. They are three and a half and completely lost in their own worlds, yet the shot captures such feeling and possibility, and at the same time nostalgia for youth. The picture inspires me.

Settle Back and Share

Yesterday we met with a new pediatrician. He was great, a real old fashion doctor's office and pediatric practice, no nurses, nobody else to relay the same story to five times, only him. He writes, he spent years in academia and he loves what he does. It was exactly what it should have been from the beginning.

Most parents have nine months of pregnancy with which they can interview, meet and choose a pediatrician. Something highly I'd recommend. But when your two babies spend only 25 weeks - six months - in there, well, things get pushed aside because there is only so much time in each day. The earliest weeks are a fight for their lives, tests, transfusions, isolettes and when they are finally ready, kangaroo care. Three hours each day that you can just hold them, feel their little hearts beating against yours and share skin contact with these amazing little people that have fought so hard to be here. And most parents are back to work during this time so that they can use that precious maternity leave when their sweet babies are home. Which is a great thing for the parents AND the babies. It can also be a time when family can meet the new babies for the first time. It is a great time for friends and family to help out, cook, clean, lend a hand even hold a baby if that is what is needed. Sometimes it is nicest for parents if the help is focused on chores rather than holding, diapering and feeding because they have been sharing all of that with nurses and are excited to do it themselves.

If there is a nanny entering the picture, like me, this is an amazing opportunity to get to know one another better. Personal histories, relationships, likes and dislikes, it all builds communication and trust and aids in bonding. I love the first few weeks of this so much. With each family I have enjoyed it more. My current position, opportunity number sixteen, has been the best by far. Both Roger and Sara have spent time just talking with me as well as Norah (she spent the first week here as the babies came home sooner than expected and I was finishing with my last family). But as it comes to an end, I'm always ready.

I'm not sure whether I begin to distance myself because I know the end is near or whether it just starts to get annoying. There is no way to separate the two. In this case Roger and Sara aren't the ones I'm ready to get space from, grandmommie is. She's been visiting for nearly three weeks now. And while she is extremely kind, pleasant and caring, she's started pushing my buttons a bit. But, she leaves on Monday, and I can handle that.

In other news Early Intervention (EI) came today to evaluate the tomatoes. Jackson, who always seems a bit ahead of Tabitha, physically, wanted nothing to do with the EI people. He just wanted to sleep and actually fell asleep during the assessment. Tabitha on the other hand (to be fair she had the better person,Jackson's was dull and reserved) performed better than ever. She couldn't do everything she was asked but she was a great sport and made it through the entire assessment. We had to wake both of them for it. Next week they will return with a plan of action (called an Individualized Family Service Plan, IFSP) for each baby.

Which brings me back to the pediatrician. As much as I enjoyed the experiemce of meeting with this new person, I detested each moment I had to spend with the last. He was young, cocky and absent-minded. Not at all worth my sweet tomatoes (seems silly but everyone wants a chance to work with them because they were 25 weekers). Let's hope these Early Intervention people don't disappoint me because nanny or not I wield a pretty big pull from where I stand.

Until next time.

31 weekers lost, 25 weekers found

As promised, update, specifics and daily routine - but not in that order.

Our daily routine looks a lot like yours would if you've had or have a newborn. We eat every three hours, burp every ounce (20 ml/cc) and then sleep. If either of the babies has any energy after all of the eating, sleeping, burping and diaper-filling then it is directed to just before a feed. This way we aren't over stimulating them or taking away any opportunities for them to sleep.

Being preemies they need to sleep as much as they need to eat. It is very important for them to sleep in every cycle and hopefully get into that deep sleep where they will release their growth hormone.

Just how premature are they? My little tomatoes, Jackson and Tabitha, were born at 25 weeks 5 days gestation. They were three months early. They missed 1/3 of their womb time. And not only did they survive but - BUT they are thriving!!! We are all very grateful.

The first thing most people are interested in is weight. Jackson was 1 lb. 15 oz at birth, Tabitha was 1lb 15 oz at birth. As of this morning Jackson is 9 lb. 9 oz and Tabitha is 10 lb. 14 oz! They are doing wonderfully. We are one month and two days past their due date today. They are four months actual age and one month corrected age.

Recently Norah assessed them using the Bayley [Scales of Infant Development]. They scored remarkably well. Their gross motor was delayed, tested at their corrected ages, but everything else - including fine motor skills - tested much closer to or right at their actual ages. Cognitive was their highest, Hooray! They each scored within one point of each other, Jackson scoring that tiny bit higher.

As you can tell the new family is wonderful. Roger and Sara are highly educated, open-minded and intelligent. I enjoy working with them, helping with ideas, routines and changes, even just chatting with them. While it wasn't a long-awaited change, finishing with my last family and starting fresh has been so much better than I could have hoped.

The last family had 31 week preemie twins, also boy-girl. Madison and Addison were amazing but Clover and Stephen's expectations were a tad low. While I was there we maximized their intelligence, interactions, growth and development. Within days of my leaving they were different children. The two years I spent there since their arrival home were lost in a matter of 72 hours. Madison and Addison were so demanding, slimy and cranky the last time I saw them that I'm having trouble missing them at all. The broccoli-loving-toddlers that I loved and remember are far from the tired-drooly-fit-throwers they are today. It is very disappointing because I work so hard to educate the parents as well as the children.

What is done is done. I can move on.

Time to finish for today, but a quick update/recap.
New job is great. Jackson and Tabitha are great. I am great.
New place is nice, mostly organized and comfortable.
Norah is pretty good. She had her 1st therapy client today. (very, very exciting as she is only in the beginning of her second year as a PsyD student)
And Basel is good. He's learning to swim! Funniest thing ever!

More tomorrow - until then.

Transition into Awareness

August was the month of transition.

My new tomatoes (charges) came home from the hospital. Norah and I took a vacation. We moved (HOORAY!). And, and, I STARTED A NEW JOB.

There has been so much on my plate that I shied from blogging because who really wants to hear about what I do and what I'm up to? It seems silly. Then yesterday I came across "Preemie" magazine. Inside I found articles and more advertisements than you would believe for crap no parent needs. Then, this morning, I came across a personal story. This parent of 27 weekers was sharing their experience so far, their boy-girl twins are now toddlers. Honestly, I was eating it up! The bed-rest, birth, NIC, coming home, growth, development, and so on. And it really made me think. While what I'm doing may seem old hat to me, there are others, nannies, parents, caregivers, extended family, etc, that are just starting this journey. It looks different from where ever one stands in life. Who am I to keep the good, the bad and the binky to myself? I LOVE what I do. I enjoy sharing tips, ideas and insights, why shouldn't I blog?

Next installment; new family specifics, daily routine and update.
Until next time.



UPDATE: For a long time, my blog wasn't really noticed. A handful of people around the world probably stumble upon it and read a bit. Nothing regular or noteworthy. Then I made a post that annoyed a preemie mom, I'm not sure what she was really angry with because she has read most of my blog. Maybe she was having a bad day and that post hit her wrong. Whatever her reasoning she has started a personal crusade against me, pretty much telling other moms that I am the devil.

She wasn't here, I blog summaries and she can't possibly know what happened enough to deem me the devil. Because of her a lot of the personalization of this blog has been lost. It is sad, but some people need to attack others to make themselves feel better. I don't know her or her situation just as she doesn't know me or mine. Having a preemie doesn't explain everything, these tomatoes are happy, healthy, thriving little babies and nothing I've done has jeopardized that, on the contrary, I have given more of myself to this family than any other nanny I know. She's allowed to have her opinions and I mine, no one person should assume they know everything about a person because they've read something that person has written. Look athow much was written by Shakespeare. (of course I'm no Shakespeare, but you get the idea.)

Napping around the house.

Jackson and Tabitha love sleeping on a blanket on the floor. They are so relaxed being together and so sweet just calmly sleeping wherever I am. It is a true treat and definite job perk.

Tummy Time

Trying to do a little tummy time when we can. Poor Tabitha has such a large nogin that it's really tough for her. Jackson's nogin is smaller but he's still so little that even lifting it half an inch is a lot of work.

Lots O'Shots

And not the kind that burn your throat either, the kind that poke your thighs. Poor little tomatoes sweet little thighs. They each have two huge bandaids across their little legs. It makes them look tinier. Poor Jackson and Tabitha!

Regular Day

Both babies are growing everyday. Tabitha enjoys her pacifier more but Jackson still isn't too interested. Neither can really keep it in for more than a few seconds.

Prop me up, asleep I go!

Tabitha, the adorable tomato, sat propped up today in the movable crib. She was adorable just hanging out in there while I finished giving Jackson his bottle. She was so content surrounded by toys and blankets that she fell asleep! It was adorable and she looked so teeny in that huge, it's actually half normal crib size, bed. Such a sweet tomato!

Tight Fit

The tomatoes are getting bigger! Sitting them in the bouncer together is getting a little more complicated. Their bodies are getting stronger and their limbs stronger. They seem happy and are definitely healthy. Hooray for Jackson and Tabitha!

Birthday Party

During the last five years I've noticed a trend, food obsession. Most parents used to feed their kids at mealtimes unless the family was more of the eat-all-day type. Either way families were pretty consistent in their chosen manner of eating. Lately that isn't the case. I've seen more and more families obsessing over food. Yes, I understand that preemies need to eat and grow, but like any person they also need opportunities to figure out their bodies, boundaries and preferences.

Today we went to Madison and Addison birthday celebration. Madison has always been the smaller of the two, she is petite and thin, and of course, completely adorable, big eyes, round cheeks, a little tummy and a spunky little personality. Having spent the better part of two years watching her eat and grow I know that the girl can eat. Sometimes I'd wonder if she had a hollow leg, seriously, this girl can eat, when she wants to. When she doesn't want to, you know it.

When we arrived Clover was chasing her around the house with food, trying to get Madison to eat. Both grandmommies were following them with Addison being their biggest fan, if he'd been taking pictures you could have labeled him aggressive paparazzi! And poor little Madison couldn't escape.

At some point every parent needs to give their child some space. Eating and toileting should be a given, but as I've noticed, they have become battlegrounds ready for verbal attack from both sides.

Ahh, Saturday!

Lovely Saturday spent with Norah and Basel.
Ahh the weekend!

Growing.

Jackson and Tabitha are growing! Grandmommie brought them gifts, and tiny colds, and they don't all fit! They used to be unable to wear anything and now somethings don't fit!!! Hooray!

Floor Snoozing

With all of the activity around here, everyone is a little tired. Went to check up on Jackson today and found he and Roger asleep on the floor! They are too cute!

Grandmommie Visits

Jackson and Tabitha spent some time with their maternal grandmommie today. She was thrilled to see them so much bigger and adorable. Her plane ride was so long and we were all extra careful about germ-transfer when she arrived. She'll be here for nearly a month! Roger is starting back to work now and Sara plans to as this month comes to a close.

Lots of activity and excitement around here!